20 u/s MIL invite

whitneylauren · November 2012

MIL just texted and said "When is your 20 week appt. I would like to go if that's ok." So I called husband and he said ok. I'm not ok with it. I would be ok with an elective ultrasound but everyone knows on this site how huge the 20wk is. If anything is wrong, I'd rather it just be us two there.

juicycute909 · November 2012

I'd say no if you don't want her there. It really is an intimate time with those most closely involved. Did you express to your DH how you felt?

colleenh01 · November 2012

Fair enough. Tell her that!! My mom went only because DH couldn't. If he could have, it would have been just us two. Maybe say how another might be a better idea, since this is such a key ultrasound for health check, and that you'd like it to be just with husband for that reason. Hopefully she is ok with that, if not too bad!

JSS1002 · November 2012

No effing way in he*l would I let somebody in the room with us, especially not MIL, and I think it is horribly rude of her to ask.

I have been actually super shocked / surprised by the # of people on this board who have other people in teh room. I'd never actually heard of that before until I started posting here.

whitneylauren · November 2012

I may do that, invite her to another one. I told him and he just said lets talk about it later. I also put a call in to the nurse (hoping she'll say I can only bring one person).

jackie9480 · November 2012

I didn't want any other family members at either of my 20wk U/S for that exact reason. In case there are issues that come up- you want to have that time be just you and your spouse. I would let your husband know your feelings and have him talk to his mom.

krbyrd24 · November 2012

Do whatever you are comfortable with. You're the parents and they should respect that decision. I guess I'm weird though because I wanted both moms there haha, but that's not for everyone.

whitneylauren · November 2012

NandaB:
I guess I don't get the whole 'if anything is wrong I don't want anyone else there' mentality. We went into ours thinking positively, BUT if I was concerned there may be an issue I would want support there. That being said you and your hubby get to pick. Just tell her you would like this one to be just you two, but that she is welcome to join you for a later one

I want the support of my husband IF something were wrong, but we aren't expecing anything to be wrong. I guess I'm just a more private person that way (wouldn't want to be freaking out in front of my in laws).

I'll invite her to another one, thanks:)

whitneylauren · November 2012

mirroredimage:

Are you not wanting her there because something could go wrong or are you not wanting her there at all?

You can always ask her to wait in the waiting room until the technician is ready to tell you the sex. Or you and DH can find out and then have her come in.

We already know the sex, it just seems private to me, like it should be shared by he and I. I also don't want her asking my doctor 100 questions when I should be soaking in the information given.

JSS1002 · November 2012

whitneylauren:

NandaB:
I guess I don't get the whole 'if anything is wrong I don't want anyone else there' mentality. We went into ours thinking positively, BUT if I was concerned there may be an issue I would want support there. That being said you and your hubby get to pick. Just tell her you would like this one to be just you two, but that she is welcome to join you for a later one

I want the support of my husband IF something were wrong, but we aren't expecing anything to be wrong. I guess I'm just a more private person that way (wouldn't want to be freaking out in front of my in laws).

I'll invite her to another one, thanks:)

If anything was wrong I would want the support, after MH and I had some time to digest and understand what was going on.

The last thing I would need at that moment is to have to console a crying grandmother.

whitneylauren · November 2012

JSS1002:
whitneylauren:

NandaB:
I guess I don't get the whole 'if anything is wrong I don't want anyone else there' mentality. We went into ours thinking positively, BUT if I was concerned there may be an issue I would want support there. That being said you and your hubby get to pick. Just tell her you would like this one to be just you two, but that she is welcome to join you for a later one

I want the support of my husband IF something were wrong, but we aren't expecing anything to be wrong. I guess I'm just a more private person that way (wouldn't want to be freaking out in front of my in laws).

I'll invite her to another one, thanks:)

If anything was wrong I would want the support, after MH and I had some time to digest and understand what was going on.

The last thing I would need at that moment is to have to console a crying grandmother.

Exactly

pinottoparenthood · November 2012

If you don't want her there, you have to be polite but firm. Say that you're flattered that she wants to come and you're so excited that she's going to be such a big part of your child's life; however, your own mom isn't coming and you want to share this special moment with your husband. She's going to have to learn and understand. You and your husband are starting your own family now, and sometimes she'll need to take a step back. Having said that, I would make sure to find a special way to tell her the sex (if you're finding out) and make sure she feels included.

whitneylauren · November 2012

mirroredimage:
whitneylauren:
mirroredimage:

Are you not wanting her there because something could go wrong or are you not wanting her there at all?

You can always ask her to wait in the waiting room until the technician is ready to tell you the sex. Or you and DH can find out and then have her come in.

We already know the sex, it just seems private to me, like it should be shared by he and I. I also don't want her asking my doctor 100 questions when I should be soaking in the information given.

Usually an u/s tech does it and you get the results later from your dr at your monthly appointment. There's no big discussion about what's on the screen except for "see that hand, there's a foot and leg" and the tech can't tell you if something looks wrong.

whitneylauren · November 2012

whitneylauren:
mirroredimage:
whitneylauren:
mirroredimage:

Are you not wanting her there because something could go wrong or are you not wanting her there at all?

You can always ask her to wait in the waiting room until the technician is ready to tell you the sex. Or you and DH can find out and then have her come in.

We already know the sex, it just seems private to me, like it should be shared by he and I. I also don't want her asking my doctor 100 questions when I should be soaking in the information given.

Usually an u/s tech does it and you get the results later from your dr at your monthly appointment. There's no big discussion about what's on the screen except for "see that hand, there's a foot and leg" and the tech can't tell you if something looks wrong.

Sorry for posting twice. This is my first, so I didn't know what to expect, thanks. All I knew is the doc said this is the "big appt" where we look and make sure there are 4 chambers to the heart, etc

whitneylauren · November 2012

pinottoparenthood:
If you don't want her there, you have to be polite but firm. Say that you're flattered that she wants to come and you're so excited that she's going to be such a big part of your child's life; however, your own mom isn't coming and you want to share this special moment with your husband. She's going to have to learn and understand. You and your husband are starting your own family now, and sometimes she'll need to take a step back. Having said that, I would make sure to find a special way to tell her the sex (if you're finding out) and make sure she feels included.

You are helpful, thanks. Just stressed cause I don't want her there but don't want to hurt her feelings. Your advice is appreciated.

LindseyDD716 · November 2012

I had my mom dad husband and sister in law at mine - they don't tell you anything but gender during the ultrasound. We went back just the 2 of us for the appt after the ultrasound where they went through everything. I understand wanting it to be just you and your hubby but honestly unless the baby has something wrong that you can see yourself the tech won't tell you anything during the actual ultrasound that the others can hear.

JSS1002 · November 2012

mirroredimage:
whitneylauren:
mirroredimage:

Are you not wanting her there because something could go wrong or are you not wanting her there at all?

You can always ask her to wait in the waiting room until the technician is ready to tell you the sex. Or you and DH can find out and then have her come in.

We already know the sex, it just seems private to me, like it should be shared by he and I. I also don't want her asking my doctor 100 questions when I should be soaking in the information given.

Usually an u/s tech does it and you get the results later from your dr at your monthly appointment. There's no big discussion about what's on the screen except for "see that hand, there's a foot and leg" and the tech can't tell you if something looks wrong.

This is what I was expecting from mine, but they were more forthcoming with information than I expected. The u/s tech pointed out everything, and made comments like "brain looks good; 4 chambers of the heart, organs looks good," etc. And then a doctor (not my doctor -- this was done at a different clinic), came in right after to go over stuff with us. His "going over stuff" consisted of "we do not have any concerns" but if there had been something wrong, I assume that is where we would have learned. I have an appt with my regular OBGYN on Monday (my first since the a/s), but as far as I know, it is just a regular appt.

rayofsunshine99 · November 2012

Even aside from the possibility of something being wrong, if you just want you & DH there then that is how it should be. I personally only had my DH there last time and the same will be this time.

Also the way she "asked" would bug the crap out of me as well.

elizabethnseanny · November 2012

The tech doesn't talk about issues, if there are any. I thought about inviting MIL because it is the only really great view of the baby. In the end my older children came, they were speechless and my husband and I still found it intimate. After the u/s, H and I spoke with doc, alone.

bandwife928 · November 2012

My brother and sister both let my mom go their's but I did not. It caused some hard feelings but I don't feel bad about it or regret it.

Mrs E in Oregon · November 2012

I'm sure when you explain your reasons to your husband he will be fine with telling her that she needs to sit this one out. This is a big moment so unless he's a mama's boy he should be big enough to retract his approval of her self-invitation.

silverfanatic · November 2012

It sounds like your trying to be non-confrontational. Have you already replied? If not, pretend like you didn't get her text message! haha.

whitneylauren · November 2012

Thanks for the advice. I replied that I would schedule an extra ultrasound so she could see the baby but that just DH and I would be going to this appointment. She was fine with it, or said she was:)

20 u/s MIL invite

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