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February 2012 Moms
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Clash of the grandmas

dmsnydmsny member
in February 2012 Moms
My mom and H's mom have only been in the same room with the baby ONCE when she was two months old for two hours. I am starting to dread Christmas Day because I don't know what kind of drama will go on here with holding her and changing her, etc. Not to mention the gift contest over who got baby more and better gifts! As it is each gramdma asks about the other one all the time to see if they had a hard time babysittig and then they smirk. I feel like getting them all together and saying "Let's stop the phoneyness. We all know that we all do not like each other." Of course I would never do that . . .
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Re: Clash of the grandmas

  • goldenleavesgoldenleaves member
    Ugh, it's the same for us. Luckily we don't get them together that often! They both always ask about the other and my mom is definitely the worse of the two.
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  • Jlobebe2012Jlobebe2012 member
    My mom and H's mom are in grandma wars with eachother. We do Christmas seperate between the two families, but I am dreading 1st Birthday for sure. I hope they learn to get along, they have to deal with one another for a very long time.
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  • Jen0204Jen0204 member
    You know, I was kind of annoyed that my ILs wouldn't come to my parent's house for Thanksgiving (it was just them, BIL, and us at my ILs that night, so if they had come during the day to my mom's we would have only had to go to one place and they could have spent more time with the girls), but after reading this I realize that we dodged a bullet.  I don't think my mom would act like this, but my MIL would definitely be vocal about questioning everything my family did and my dad would likely get annoyed and make a sarcastic remark.  I never really considered this, but it's making me think we should probably do two separate birthdays too.
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  • allisons1014allisons1014 member

    Not an issue with us at Christmas but really gives me anxiety for first birthday.  It's not a grandma issue but a Step FIL issue.  He tries to one-up all the time.  He has to be the center of attention or at least make his presence known.  MIL is always pushing him to hold her and they make a big show out of how much they love DD althought they spend less time with her than either of the other sets of grandparents.

    It puts me on edge because I can feel the tension in the room.  I don't ever want Alice to know that I like one set of grandparents less but it is so hard to put on a show.  I avoid having them all in one room as much as I can.  First birthday is unavoidable.

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  • lancyjolancyjo member

    My MIL is BSC. My Mom is super protective of hubs, Aria, and me. Thankfully, we do all holidays separate.

    I am a bit concerned about Aria's birthday party. We're only having one, so everyone is invited... my Mom is great at "being the bigger person" and just blowing off my MIL... but if my MIL tries to be obviously rude/catty/passive agressive/anything but polite, my Mom is likely to lay her cold. Too much has happened, and my Mom already wants to throttle her.

    Hubs and I would probably just let her have at it.

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  • jja0812jja0812 member
    My MIL lives two minutes away and gets to babysit fairly often, in addition to seeing us at church every week and usually in between as well. My mom lives 8 hours away and sees us every couple of months if she's lucky. Yet my MIL makes jealous comments when we go visit my parents, because my mom gets to "see him eat, sleep, and take his bath". Um, actually, I give him his bath alone, without an audience, just like I do at home, and no, no one is watching him sleep. When he goes down at night, that's our chance to visit and catch up. And MIL is actually MORE involved with feeding him since she gets to BABYSIT HIM (something my mom would love to be able to do). My mom works and has her own household to run... so even though our visits are special she doesn't get to sit around 24/7 and look at him.
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  • Shmogan09Shmogan09 member

    This is what I did in a very similar situation.  I sat them each down separatley and said this "I want everyone included in Logan's Christmas every year.  But, I do not want him to feel any tension.  You will both put a smile on and act like bff's for the sake of THE BABY... or you will not be invited next year."  

    It sounds harsh but they both actually took it really well saying things like Oh I totally agree I would never want to ruin his Christmas.  And shockingly they both tried to be the "better" Grandma by being overly nice to each other.  

    Edit- okay in total honesty I only had to have this talk with MIL because my mom is always the peace maker.  I talked to my mom about it, but in a very different way because I already knew she wouldn't be the one making the problems. 

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  • Shawnee11507Shawnee11507 member
    We don't have to deal with this. My parents live a few states a way and don't really seem to care much and the ILs already have 7 other grandkids, so they don't get all jealous or anything- or maybe they already know my parents suck.
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