Mom is getting excited. I'm still scared.

JellyTwoPointO · November 2012

I was able to see our LO's heartbeat at 6w4d last week and while that encouraged me, I've heard so many stories of women who've seen the hb and then still experience loss. So I'll still fully PgAL scared.

My mom just bought me two pairs of maternity jeans and she told me she's currently making the baby a sock monkey. Don't get me wrong, I thought that was so sweet, and I know if things work out, that homemade sock monkey will be a treasure in our house.

But see I cant stop myself from things like making the disclaimer, "if things work out." I'm still hanging onto the mindset that this could all be over in a second and I'm still somewhat bracing myself for not if, but WHEN that happens. How do I handle my Mom's growing excitement when I'm still having trouble embracing this pregnancy?

Actingdiva09 · November 2012

I'm sorry K, I wish I had advice. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that everyone deals with PgAL differently. Maybe you could just ask your mom to hold off on giving you stuff until 2nd tri? That you love her and it's ok for her to buy stuff if she doesn't tell you about it, but that you're too scared to jinx it? I know my mom is like that too...

TMWarren85 · November 2012

You just have to let her know your feelings- I had a m/c back in April at 6w but never heard a heartbeat, just started cramping and bleeding and HCG dropped so no need to even have an U/S. I didn't tell anyone other than DH for over a month. I considered not even telling anyone because I didn't want other people to be holding their breathe the entire time next pregnancy. I finally told my mom and explained my reasoning why it took so long for me to tell her (since I didn't tell her about the pregnancy to begin with) and I let her know that the next time I will be SO scared I didn't want anyone questioning me until I felt better about it. With this pregnancy, we told my mom at 6 weeks after we heard the heartbeat, and then my in-laws and siblings at 7 weeks. But even after my U/S at 12 weeks, I still wasn't convinced this baby would stick... I waited until 19 weeks to tell DD (who is 3.5) about DS... And I'm just now feeling a little less anxiety...

Maybe you can ask your mom to keep the sock monkey at her house until you are ready, this is all about you; don't create more stress for you just to appease your moms excitement.

Good, luck, FX for a H&H 9!!!

ljs4117 · November 2012

Aww... It's really good that you have such great support, but I'm sorry that you aren't able to fully enjoy it yet. I totally get it (as do most of us here, unfortunately). I also use disclaimers but feel guilty.. like people think I'm some sort of dud or just plain morbid. It's hard to understand when you're not living it. For now I will just go about my cautiously excited business..

As PP said, maybe you can just explain how you feel about things and tell her where you are currently at with this pregnancy, mentally anyway. If it's too hard to handle all the baby things being given to you, maybe she can hold off.

I hope you are able to embrace your pregnancy soon! ((hugs))

Cealbadeal · November 2012

I'm right there with you on worrying. Every time I wipe, I check to make sure I'm not bleeding. We miscarried our first pregnancy over 2 years ago. This is our second pregnancy and I'm still a wreck.

Just be honest with your Mom that you are still very concerned. Let her know you appreciate the gifts, but that you need time to fully embrace this pregnancy, and you'll feel a lot better after the first trimester. I'm sure she'll understand.

I started blogging about our experience during our first round of IVF 2 years ago. I sent the link to my family and friends so that they could remain informed. It helped a lot because people would check in with the blog instead of asking me a million questions every time I saw them. It also helped me to release a lot my fears and concerns, and everyone was very sensitive to them, which helped. I ended up sharing our miscarriage experience as well. I found that my family and friends were so supportive and truly understanding once they knew.

Good luck, stay positive, and be honest with your Mom.

Here if you need anything.

1220winterbride · November 2012

((hugs)) PP said it best

densquared · November 2012

I'm sorry it's so hard for you to enjoy your pregnancy. I understand completely, and I have the same feelings, i just think it sucks that we can't enjoy this.

kewper · November 2012

It is so hard. I still say ""if things work out."

I would just tell your mom what you're feeling. Say "Mom, I'm glad you're so excited! I am still so nervous so sometimes it's hard for me to be optimistic." Just talking about it is helpful, I think.

I promise it will get a little bit easier. I wish you the best of luck.

JulyMomma2U2 · November 2012

I think PPs gave good advice.. talk to your Mom.. explain your fear and hesitation..

I was very much the same way with DS.. even up until the very end.. I was 34 weeks when I finally felt confident enough to open everything up and start preparing for his arrival.. but, even then.. I still would say to DH.. a lot could still go wrong.. I know we're close, but we need to keep that in mind..

No one really understood.. even DH would get upset with me.. said that I was being negative towards things.. but I wasn't.. I was just being guarded..

It will get easier as time goes on.. but, I really think talking to Mom will be a huge help.. ! Best of luck

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