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Stay at Home Moms
Mrs.Greg
member
Yikes, my poor friend!
Mrs.Greg
member
So a good friend of mine is on maternity leave right now, she goes back to work in a couple weeks. She would LOVE to SAH but she and her H can't swing it right now. Well, she was talking to him about SAH someday (not specific time frame or anything, just in general) and he said something about how she wouldn't be a good SAHM because she hasn't gotten anything done while she has been on maternity leave. As in, house cleaning and such. When she told me this, she said it with a little chuckle but man, that's freaking rude of him!! I asked if he was serious or just trying to be funny (yeah, nice try!) and she said he was serious. He went on to say that all she does is hold their sleeping newborn baby. There were SO MANY things I wanted to say to her right then but she's my best friend so I try not to bash her husband directly to her. Instead, I prefer to talk sh!t about him to my DH and a bunch of interent "friends". 
I kinda took offense to his comment. He's "one of those" who has a distorted idea of what SAH means.
I kinda took offense to his comment. He's "one of those" who has a distorted idea of what SAH means.
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Re: Yikes, my poor friend!
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
At least we all can <snicker> in the fact that she has an excuse to wait another 6 weeks
The part that's maddening is that his perception is what most people consider AHM to be...
My DH actually made a comment to me about "what do you do all day" when I was on maternity leave with DS. One "calm" conversation later, he had a better idea.
My DS would not sleep a WINK without being held as a newborn. If I didn't hold him, he wouldn't sleep. Plus, he can judge after he personally gives birth and nurses 24/7 and then he can decide how much time he has for house cleaning during those first few weeks.
This isn't a guy who has a distortedview of SAH- maternity leave is not SAH. It's completely different. And that guy needs a wake up call.
I can't tell you how often this perception comes up in conversations with non-SAH people. If DH ever said this to me (new baby or even now) he would be enjoy the guest room while I enjoy our nice king sized bed to myself! What a jerk.
Those comments would absolutely not fly from my DH. If all he thinks she does is hold baby, I'd love to see how he actually contributes to taking care of the little one.
This is our first LO, and I'll be staying home with her for a while. Around 8ish, I will usually feed LO to sleep, then pass her off to DH and go to bed myself. I always make sure there's a bottle in the fridge so he can feed her if she gets hungry. This way I can get some sleep since I take care of her all night during the week cause DH works.
Lately he's been bringing her to me after an hour or so because she's fussy and having her lay down in bed with me to nurse or just passing her off so I get up. He says it's cause she's just so fussy and he has to constantly walk around with her or be doing something to keep her quiet, or that she is fussy with the bottle.
Apparently his idea of watching her at night is her sleeping peacefully while he plays video games. We are going to have a discussion in the near future about how that's just not gonna happen often. I'm home with her all day, and sometimes she's wonderful and does sleep plenty, and I can nap and get stuff done and it's great. Other times she's fussy all day, even when eating, and I have to constantly be on the move to keep her happy. That's just what it is. He can handle it for a few hours so I can get some sleep.
I think my DH had the same thought until he was forced into being with DS alone for a couple days while I was in a wedding. Since then, especially, he totally understands if I don't "get anything done." He knows every minute of my day is spoken for with DS. DS is a terrible napper and I'm lucky if I get him in the crib for 45 minutes a day.
I never know what to think of these things. What does she mean by doing "nothing" all day?
Does this mean he is doing all of the laundry/housework/yardwork/meal prep while she is sitting watching TV and holding a sleeping baby? Because 3 or 4 months of that would start to get on my nerves too.
There are days that DH comes home and the house is less than spectacular... however, there is never a day that I do not do anything. One of these days I will take a day off so he can see how much I do.
What an ass for your friend's DH to even think such a thing!