Yikes, my poor friend! — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Yikes, my poor friend!

So a good friend of mine is on maternity leave right now, she goes back to work in a couple weeks.  She would LOVE to SAH but she and her H can't swing it right now.  Well, she was talking to him about SAH someday (not specific time frame or anything, just in general) and he said something about how she wouldn't be a good SAHM because she hasn't gotten anything done while she has been on maternity leave.  As in, house cleaning and such.  When she told me this, she said it with a little chuckle but man, that's freaking rude of him!!  I asked if he was serious or just trying to be funny (yeah, nice try!) and she said he was serious.  He went on to say that all she does is hold their sleeping newborn baby.  There were SO MANY things I wanted to say to her right then but she's my best friend so I try not to bash her husband directly to her. Instead, I prefer to talk sh!t about him to my DH and a bunch of interent "friends".  Huh?  I kinda took offense to his comment.  He's "one of those" who has a distorted idea of what SAH means.
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Re: Yikes, my poor friend!

  • SAH or not, mom should be taking it easy those first few weeks after having a baby. That is incredibly rude of him. I've had similar comments from my dad and it makes me livid.
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  • At least we all can <snicker> in the fact that she has an excuse to wait another 6 weeks Wink

    The part that's maddening is that his perception is what most people consider AHM to be... 

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  • My DH actually made a comment to me about "what do you do all day" when I was on maternity leave with DS.  One "calm" conversation later, he had a better idea.

    My DS would not sleep a WINK without being held as a newborn.  If I didn't hold him, he wouldn't sleep.  Plus, he can judge after he personally gives birth and nurses 24/7 and then he can decide how much time he has for house cleaning during those first few weeks.

    This isn't a guy who has a distortedview of SAH- maternity leave is not SAH.  It's completely different. And that guy needs a wake up call.

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  • imageMesmrEwe:

    At least we all can <snicker> in the fact that she has an excuse to wait another 6 weeks Wink

    The part that's maddening is that his perception is what most people consider AHM to be... 

    I can't tell you how often this perception comes up in conversations with non-SAH people. If DH ever said this to me (new baby or even now) he would be enjoy the guest room while I enjoy our nice king sized bed to myself! What a jerk. 

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  • my mom stayed at home and I knew I always wanted to as well.  my first husband thought that SAHM were lazy and when he saw an overweight SAHM he would joke to me that she needs to get off of her butt and do something like exercise.  It would always piss me off when he said things like that.  it would infuriate me. People like that just don't understand and probably had parents that both worked like my first H did.  obviously it didn't work out between us, but for a number of reasons.  one day i realized we didn't even have the same values.  
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  • Those comments would absolutely not fly from my DH. If all he thinks she does is hold baby, I'd love to see how he actually contributes to taking care of the little one.

    This is our first LO, and I'll be staying home with her for a while. Around 8ish, I will usually feed LO to sleep, then pass her off to DH and go to bed myself. I always make sure there's a bottle in the fridge so he can feed her if she gets hungry. This way I can get some sleep since I take care of her all night during the week cause DH works.

    Lately he's been bringing her to me after an hour or so because she's fussy and having her lay down in bed with me to nurse or just passing her off so I get up. He says it's cause she's just so fussy and he has to constantly walk around with her or be doing something to keep her quiet, or that she is fussy with the bottle.

    Apparently his idea of watching her at night is her sleeping peacefully while he plays video games. We are going to have a discussion in the near future about how that's just not gonna happen often. I'm home with her all day, and sometimes she's wonderful and does sleep plenty, and I can nap and get stuff done and it's great. Other times she's fussy all day, even when eating, and I have to constantly be on the move to keep her happy. That's just what it is. He can handle it for a few hours so I can get some sleep. 

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  • I have a friend who has been on maternity leave for 10 months and her husband still thinks she does nothing all day. She says they'll never see eye to eye on it. She kicked him out of the house one night for saying she did nothing all day and that she needs to get off her ass. He came back tail between his legs but still doesn't think she's busy. He is constantly giving her his errands to do or phone calls to make.

    I think my DH had the same thought until he was forced into being with DS alone for a couple days while I was in a wedding. Since then, especially, he totally understands if I don't "get anything done." He knows every minute of my day is spoken for with DS. DS is a terrible napper and I'm lucky if I get him in the crib for 45 minutes a day.
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  •  I never know what to think of these things.  What does she mean by doing "nothing" all day?

    Does this mean he is doing all of the laundry/housework/yardwork/meal prep while she is sitting watching TV and holding a sleeping baby?  Because 3 or 4 months of that would start to get on my nerves too. 



  • There are days that DH comes home and the house is less than spectacular...  however, there is never a day that I do not do anything.  One of these days I will take a day off so he can see how much I do.

    What an ass for your friend's DH to even think such a thing!

  • If I were your friend I would be walking out the door and leaving the baby with DH for a day! My DH has always been supportive and wanted me to stay at home. He's never said anything about the state of the house or the nights when I don't have the energy to make dinner. But after he stays with DD for a day while I go do stuff he is WAY appreciative and always tells me he doesn't know how I do it. It sounds like it would do your friends DH some good to be responsible for the baby for a day so he understands what it's like to actually take care of his child!!
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