Not trying, not preventing?

Luckbeababy · November 2012

I am curious what others think that means. I feel like if you are not using any form of BC and are having sex regularly and are wanting a baby then you are in fact trying. I get that some might think that fully commiting to trying means temping, charting, OPK's, etc. but obviously plenty of people get pregnant without doing all that. So where does the not trying part come in? I have seen people saying it here and heard friends and acquaintances of mine saying it and it always baffles me. What is your take on it?

hqinmd · November 2012

I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar.

ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

argonne · November 2012

I assume it means they actually are trying, but not getting into the details, like charting, OPKs, perfectly timing sex, etc.

EmarieDuke · November 2012

Obviously if you are having unprotected sex, you know there is a risk of pregnancy. But I would say to actually be trying you do need to keep an eye on the calendar and time appropriately. My "regular" sex life would be about 1 (maybe 2) times a week. You definitley have to hit the right day for that to be considered trying...IMO.

sugarellie · November 2012

I see that "'saying" as having sex with no protection, but not doing charting, temping , opk's etc..

VitaLuna · November 2012

Agree with PP, NTNP to me means you're not actively trying to hit your FW, but you're not using any contraception.

I know a lot of people say if you're not using BC, you're trying, but we had a long period where I needed to be off BC (side effects), and chose not to use other contraception. We weren't ready to put the focus/effort into actually trying like we are now, but we knew we could possibly get pg (unlikely because we were every other weekers).

JilllyBean · November 2012

I think if you are having sex withouth protection and knowing you can get pregnant, you are trying. You definitely are not NOT trying. I don't get that either. I have a friend who went off BC, were having unprotected sex, got pregnant and were like OMG!! We weren't even trying!! Um, what? No.

I guess you could call it not preventing, but not not trying IMO. Also, pretty sure a lot of the population does not chart, OPK, etc, so trying equals having unprotected sex.

DLC516 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar.

ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

This.
I have had a few friends stop BCP and gotten KU and when asked "were you trying" they say we were not. Some people get scared something may be wrong right off the bat so instead of every month someone asking " are you pregnant" they just don't say anything so they don't have to be reminded every month they got a BFN.
DH and I only told a few friends we were trying and if someone asks we say we're not stopping it. But I don't get into detail about how I'm temping and using OPKS. So I guess you really never know if they were really actually trying or not. If you arnt using protection then you should be fully aware you could get pregnant and in some shape or form your trying. At least in my opinion.

kje120 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar.
ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

The bolded part. Having sex whenever but not tracking anything and focusing on fertile windows and all that.

JET29 · November 2012

Trying = actively making an effort/taking steps to try to get pregnant. For example, deliberately having sex on fertile days.

NTNP = business as usual, not taking any additional steps to try to get pregnant.

hqinmd · November 2012

Right now, no one knows we are trying. My mother is under the impression we are not TTA, which I let her conclude because I did not want to confirm that we are trying. Specifically so I won't have to field questions every month.

gusjaim · November 2012

I agree with the meaning being just not paying attention to dates or anything like that. However, personally i hate saying "trying" or when people say it to me because I immediately think of them having sex and spending every second maping their next attempt. ( I know this is not true) It just freaks me out. I don't want them trying around me. lol

ColinTheRobot · November 2012

ColeRose:
kestock120:

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar.
ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

The bolded part. Having sex whenever but not tracking anything and focusing on fertile windows and all that.

This is what we were planning to do until 2013, then I was going to start with temping, OPKs, etc...but the control freak in me took over pretty quickly.

Yes A lot of it for us has to do with DH's role. So he doesn't really know anything unless there's a potential problem (like he obviously knows that I am hoping to make a dr appointment soon).

He doesn't, as I've heard someone else say, have my fertile week in his work calendar

Mostly because there isn't one, mind you.

hqinmd · November 2012

krptcmschfmkr128:

NTNA to me basically means "if it happens, great, if not, oh well".

I think this is right. I think it's a sentiment as much as anything. If you're trying, you're probably bothered at least some when you get a BFN. If you're TTA you're probably bothered if you get a BFP. NTNA? I would assume you aren't bothered either way.

emmajoy5524 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

This!

kat81again2 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

This. Which I would call trying. But not trying hard (like we are.)

moreforme · November 2012

it means being ok with getting pregnant but not stressing over it and letting things happen naturally. Not using any BC and having sex when the mood strikes you. Nothing planned nothing thought out, nothing timed.

To lots of people Trying does involve charts and temps or at least counting days and "Trying" to hit a fertile day.

PinupMomma08 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

This. Mainly because to me its a take it or leave it situation.Super casual, if it happens great, if it doesn't, then they would start "trying" eventually when they wanted to make sure BD was on the right day.

alliejayyy · November 2012

I say I'm not preventing but not trying for two reasons. The first is that to me trying means charting, temping, having sex on specific days. For now, we are going about our regular routine letting what happens happen. Obviously we will be over the moon when we get a BFP but we are not going to be devestated if it doesn't happen in the next month or two.

The other reason I say that is that I'm anticipating a long, hard road trying not to get my hopes up for an easy BFP. It took my mom 7 years and almost as many losses to get me. All of my mom's sisters have had similar problems. I know it may be totally different for me but I'm trying to brace myself for following along with the pattern of all the other women in my family. :

Luckbeababy · November 2012

JilllyBean:
I think if you are having sex withouth protection and knowing you can get pregnant, you are trying. You definitely are not NOT trying. I don't get that either. I have a friend who went off BC, were having unprotected sex, got pregnant and were like OMG!! We weren't even trying!! Um, what? No.

I guess you could call it not preventing, but not not trying IMO. Also, pretty sure a lot of the population does not chart, OPK, etc, so trying equals having unprotected sex.

I don't know how to bold, but the last part is exactly what I am thinking. If someone says they are trying to get pregnant and the way they are going about is by just having unprotected sex, they are still trying. It may or may not take them longer than those that chart, etc. but they are still trying just like the ones that do it all. I guess I can understand using it in a conversation with someone to avoid unwanted questions, but don't really see that as being the reason as to why someone would say it on hear, because what is to hide about wanting a baby on a TTGP message board? Anyhow thanks for the responses!

burmann · November 2012

gennyu:
JilllyBean:

I think if you are having sex withouth protection and knowing you can get pregnant, you are trying. You definitely are not NOT trying. I don't get that either. I have a friend who went off BC, were having unprotected sex, got pregnant and were like OMG!! We weren't even trying!! Um, what? No.

I guess you could call it not preventing, but not not trying IMO. Also, pretty sure a lot of the population does not chart, OPK, etc, so trying equals having unprotected sex.

I agree strongly with the bolded. If you are not using ANY form of protection (including NFP) then you are trying to get pregnant. But don't ask any of the gals from "16 & Pregnant" because they are sure to disagree with me

All the girls on 16 & Pregnant also say that they had sex only once and got pregnant. I call BS on that!!

Luckbeababy · November 2012

burmann:
gennyu:
JilllyBean:

I think if you are having sex withouth protection and knowing you can get pregnant, you are trying. You definitely are not NOT trying. I don't get that either. I have a friend who went off BC, were having unprotected sex, got pregnant and were like OMG!! We weren't even trying!! Um, what? No.

I guess you could call it not preventing, but not not trying IMO. Also, pretty sure a lot of the population does not chart, OPK, etc, so trying equals having unprotected sex.

I agree strongly with the bolded. If you are not using ANY form of protection (including NFP) then you are trying to get pregnant. But don't ask any of the gals from "16 & Pregnant" because they are sure to disagree with me
All the girls on 16 & Pregnant also say that they had sex only once and got pregnant. I call BS on that!!

Maybe they meant they had sex once that particular day

reason00 · November 2012

I still think it's trying.

burmann · November 2012

Luckbeababy:
burmann:
gennyu:
JilllyBean:

I think if you are having sex withouth protection and knowing you can get pregnant, you are trying. You definitely are not NOT trying. I don't get that either. I have a friend who went off BC, were having unprotected sex, got pregnant and were like OMG!! We weren't even trying!! Um, what? No.

I guess you could call it not preventing, but not not trying IMO. Also, pretty sure a lot of the population does not chart, OPK, etc, so trying equals having unprotected sex.

I agree strongly with the bolded. If you are not using ANY form of protection (including NFP) then you are trying to get pregnant. But don't ask any of the gals from "16 & Pregnant" because they are sure to disagree with me
All the girls on 16 & Pregnant also say that they had sex only once and got pregnant. I call BS on that!!
Maybe they meant they had sex once that particular day

LOL Sounds about right

mama&baby · November 2012

This is how I phrase it

Actively TTC =charting, OPKs, etc

TTC= having sex without using protection, "seeing what happens"

When I got PG with LO we had been TTC (my definition) for about 3 years... but had only been actively TTC for 8 months in the middle and I got frustrated with it (particularly working a swing shift). We got pregnant while TTC.... it frustrates me to no end when people imply that he was unplanned or an "oops" baby. No we weren't charting but we were married, wanted kids, off any sort of BC, and humping like rabbits. We knew the repercussions and were ecstatic to find out we were PG. I just hate the whole "unplanned" BS. He was very much planned we were just surprised he was conceived when he was (considering I was wondering if we would be able to have kids)

HenHen25 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

This.

pittielover2 · November 2012

hqinmd:
krptcmschfmkr128:
NTNA to me basically means "if it happens, great, if not, oh well".
I think this is right. I think it's a sentiment as much as anything. If you're trying, you're probably bothered at least some when you get a BFN. If you're TTA you're probably bothered if you get a BFP. NTNA? I would assume you aren't bothered either way.

Yes! H and I were NTNA for about 6 months, if we didn't get a BFP (obviously) it wasn't heartbreaking, and if we did, we would've been happy and ready to welcome a new family member.

sweetpea2003 · November 2012

hqinmd:
krptcmschfmkr128:
NTNA to me basically means "if it happens, great, if not, oh well".
I think this is right. I think it's a sentiment as much as anything. If you're trying, you're probably bothered at least some when you get a BFN. If you're TTA you're probably bothered if you get a BFP. NTNA? I would assume you aren't bothered either way.

Yes, I agree with this.

We will likely go into the NTNA category next year. With our history of infertility I seriously don't have it in me to dive into the craziness of charting, temping, OPKs, BFNs, and anxiety that TTC brought me. I promised myself I wouldn't do any fertility treatments again and my husband absolutely hated how crazy I got with charting and being so sad month after month.

Would we like another baby? Absolutely. But is it something we are obsessed with? No. If we get pregnant it would be wonderful, but if we don't it's ok too. We will likely put a time limit on the NTNA too... and if we aren't pregnant by whatever time limit we decide we will get something done permanently (vasectomy or essure).

curlylocks3 · November 2012

This may make zero sense but: if someone is not using any birth control and gets pregnant and says "we weren't trying" then my opinion is unprotected sex = trying. When I say we weren't trying/weren't preventing for two cycles I mean that we were having unprotected sex but no idea if we hit my fertile window so I don't always count it into the time we've been trying, sort of split the difference on when we are going to see an RE. Maybe I just didnt want to believe it had actually come to the point of needing to get some help, who knows.

scbedi · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

this

RayRay007 · November 2012

hqinmd:
I assume it means using no BC of any kind and not paying attention to the calendar. ETA: just having sex when you feel like it and letting what happens, happen.

I agree with this. On the other hand, 'trying' doesn't mean temping, opks etc. It just means trying to have sex with intention around the time that you think you ovulate.

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