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Need a little DH advise

pc150805pc150805 member
in May 2012 Moms
I love my hubby. We've been having a rough time but things are getting better. When I was pregnant, he gained a significant amount of weight. He's always been a little on the bigger side, but a lot of muscle (not so much now). How can I nicely and respectfully tell him that his weight gain is making me less attracted to him? How can I help him take off the weight, family diet? I want our good sex life back!!
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Re: Need a little DH advise

  • joshandpandajoshandpanda member
    The only thing Im thinking is obviously don't straight out say it... but say more like: Hey, Im wanting to start going to the gym and working out, want to come with to help me with some things, and be a workout buddy?
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  • bellelambbellelamb member
    I hate to say that sounds awful of you, I hope dh wouldn't want me less even though I'm not as thin as I was when we met. I think there's other things emotionally YOU need to work on if you want a good sex life. Plus it will never be the same as probaby, your relationship and lives have changed so will your sex life. You need to find ways to make the new one better than the old one.
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  • ASullivan1231ASullivan1231 member
    I think that's unfair of the PP to say you need to change. I think I would look at the cause of the weight gain stress, anxiety, etc and tackle that. Along with that I would do what the first poster said and ask him to be your exercise buddy. I struggle with my weight, but it really is just a symptom of other issues for me, I think a lot of people feel that way.
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  • jlsweetsjlsweets member

    imageASullivan1231:
    I think that's unfair of the PP to say you need to change. I think I would look at the cause of the weight gain stress, anxiety, etc and tackle that. Along with that I would do what the first poster said and ask him to be your exercise buddy. I struggle with my weight, but it really is just a symptom of other issues for me, I think a lot of people feel that way.

    Agreed...I do not think that sounds awful of you at all nor do I think you are wrong for having those feelings! I am a firm believer in not letting everything go because your married and have children now...it is so important to be emotionally and mentally attracted to your husband but it is also very important for you to feel sexually attracted to your husband, the way you once did! My husband gained about 20lbs during my pregnancy (he is a normal typical build) but when he put the 20lbs on I was not physically attracted to him and honestly, it was hard for me to want to have sex with him! Especially since i felt I was trying so hard to get back into shape and feel confident with my body- Luckily, I didn't have to bring it up- when he saw how hard I was working at it he jumped right in back to dieting, gym, etc. Plus we don't have any junk food in the house anymore, so no excuses! haha..but seriously, you are not wrong here..I would want my husband to express his feelings (in a completely respectful way!)- Maybe there is something that is going on that is making him gain the weight or some factor thats playing into all of it- Like joshpanda said, try getting him to join you at the gym or go for a run together- its giving a subtle hint without actually having to say it- also make healthier meals for him if you are making them and just keep reminding him its important to be eating and living a healthy lifestyle! Good luck to you and believe me, you are not alone here..I have many friends that all have gone or going through the same thing!

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  • bellelambbellelamb member
    Ok so I guess I'm wrong but what are you going to do when your husband grows old and is wrinkly and saggy and so are you?? Are you going to stop being attracted to him them? I was just saying there should be much more than physical attraction that turns you on with your husband or how will your sex life stand the test of time??
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  • pc150805pc150805 member
    imagejlsweets:

    imageASullivan1231:
    I think that's unfair of the PP to say you need to change. I think I would look at the cause of the weight gain stress, anxiety, etc and tackle that. Along with that I would do what the first poster said and ask him to be your exercise buddy. I struggle with my weight, but it really is just a symptom of other issues for me, I think a lot of people feel that way.

    Agreed...I do not think that sounds awful of you at all nor do I think you are wrong for having those feelings! I am a firm believer in not letting everything go because your married and have children now...it is so important to be emotionally and mentally attracted to your husband but it is also very important for you to feel sexually attracted to your husband, the way you once did! My husband gained about 20lbs during my pregnancy (he is a normal typical build) but when he put the 20lbs on I was not physically attracted to him and honestly, it was hard for me to want to have sex with him! Especially since i felt I was trying so hard to get back into shape and feel confident with my body- Luckily, I didn't have to bring it up- when he saw how hard I was working at it he jumped right in back to dieting, gym, etc. Plus we don't have any junk food in the house anymore, so no excuses! haha..but seriously, you are not wrong here..I would want my husband to express his feelings (in a completely respectful way!)- Maybe there is something that is going on that is making him gain the weight or some factor thats playing into all of it- Like joshpanda said, try getting him to join you at the gym or go for a run together- its giving a subtle hint without actually having to say it- also make healthier meals for him if you are making them and just keep reminding him its important to be eating and living a healthy lifestyle! Good luck to you and believe me, you are not alone here..I have many friends that all have gone or going through the same thing!

     

    Thanks jlsweets and everyone else! Yesterday we went grocery shopping and I got a ton of healthy stuff, not one piece of junk food and in the check out line he threw a candy bar on the belt! lol I didn't say anything but it just kind of sums it all up. I'm going to try to get him more involved in being healthy and also try to plan some exercise time together. His old boss keeps bugging him to go to the gym with him so maybe I'll start suggesting that as a good idea.

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  • pc150805pc150805 member

    imagebellelamb:
    Ok so I guess I'm wrong but what are you going to do when your husband grows old and is wrinkly and saggy and so are you?? Are you going to stop being attracted to him them? I was just saying there should be much more than physical attraction that turns you on with your husband or how will your sex life stand the test of time??

    I think that is really different. When we are growing old together, it will be just that, together. Also, I'm still attracted to other qualities he has, just not this one. It's like a piece of the pie is missing. Our sex life has had to change to accommodate his new body type so I find it less satisfying so I want to do it less.

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  • bellelambbellelamb member
    imagepc150805:

    imagebellelamb:
    Ok so I guess I'm wrong but what are you going to do when your husband grows old and is wrinkly and saggy and so are you?? Are you going to stop being attracted to him them? I was just saying there should be much more than physical attraction that turns you on with your husband or how will your sex life stand the test of time??

    I think that is really different. When we are growing old together, it will be just that, together. Also, I'm still attracted to other qualities he has, just not this one. It's like a piece of the pie is missing. Our sex life has had to change to accommodate his new body type so I find it less satisfying so I want to do it less.



    That makes more sense I guess I miss understood you originally I'm sorry!
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  • pc150805pc150805 member
    imagebellelamb:
    imagepc150805:

    imagebellelamb:
    Ok so I guess I'm wrong but what are you going to do when your husband grows old and is wrinkly and saggy and so are you?? Are you going to stop being attracted to him them? I was just saying there should be much more than physical attraction that turns you on with your husband or how will your sex life stand the test of time??

    I think that is really different. When we are growing old together, it will be just that, together. Also, I'm still attracted to other qualities he has, just not this one. It's like a piece of the pie is missing. Our sex life has had to change to accommodate his new body type so I find it less satisfying so I want to do it less.

    That makes more sense I guess I miss understood you originally I'm sorry!

    No problem! I wasn't offended or anything. I put it out for honest opinions and ideas so I appreciate it. I should have explained better. 

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  • LER091811LER091811 member

    Well, with my husband I would just tell him straight out haha that's kind of how we are together. If your husband is more sensitive though I would just say, Hey we have really been letting our health slide and we need to get back on track! And then just start cooking healthy meals and asking if he wants to go on a family walk and stuff like that.

     

    Oh and please don't bring your sexual feelings into it. That would probably hurt him too much.

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