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Dads & Dads-to-be
His friends/coworkers scare him with advice/information
This is the first child for both of us and my Boyfriend seems to get all kinds of information...and NONE of it good. Quite honestly it sounds like it scares him some.
So far about half of what he has heard has been proven false...but last weekend we were talking about the birth. Apparently his friends have been filling him in how 'ruined' I will be after having a baby. How sex will never be the same...how my vagina will be 'torn up' (Nice to hear...THAT ONE also scared ME)
Do men really see women as unattractive / undesirable after giving birth? Speaking as a guy....was sex really that bad after? I have asked my sister and a friend...they said my girly-parts will all go back to normal....but now my boyfriend isn't believing that anymore. Maybe if I can get some info from a few guys on the board I can share it with him and reassure BOTH of us.
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Re: His friends/coworkers scare him with advice/information
It is a right of passage. Guys are going to give him crap. I hear the exact same things.
It is just like when I got married. All the way up until the day, all I heard was that my life was over, it was going to be hard, etc etc.. lots of guys will be guys ball busting. Guess what? One of my friends is getting married and he now hears all of this.
Same thing with a kid. All of my dad friends and coworkers are telling me the same thing your boyfriend is hearing. If it is bothering him, he needs to grow some thicker skin tbh. And one day, he will be the dad teasing prospective new fathers.
Us gents are weird and we have weird bonding rituals. This is one of them. It is a bit of hazing and introductory into the fraternity of fatherhood.
Yes, having a child seriously hamstrings your sex life.
It's less about being "torn up" than about a total lack of sleep. Physically exhausted women don't tend to be very horny. Plus your hormones will likely be out of whack for a while. Your ladyparts will bounce back unless you have an especially unusual, traumatic birthing experience. But you're not going to *want* sex very often, especially in that first year.
On the other hand, if you are a giving girlfriend, there's always BJs.
I swear, my DS can smell if my wife gets horny. He can be in the deepest slumber, but if DW and I start making out, inevitably we hear the "wah... wa... WAAAAAH!!!!" from his bedroom. Little Blocker is just making sure he doesn't have to deal with a sibling :P
Preach it!
We never see the mother of our child as unattractive, but our kid does whatever he/she can to make sure that we don't get time to be intimate. I could be holding my son and having a conversation with my wife and if I don't talk to him within 10 seconds he will lose it and cry, head butt me or both.
Every once in a while we get to hold hands secretly....and I'll take it!
For me, it took them an hour to sew my wife up, our child was one that slid right out and the Dr had to catch him. She was a sever 4th degree tear and when she was finally allowed to have sex again it took her a while to get back to normal (it is still painful for her at times in certain positions 18 months later). Initially while BFing she was drier then normal so we just made sure to have lubricant on hand.
As for being unattractive, that only applies mainly to shallow people who care more about the outside instead of the inside or at least that is my opinion.
Boys will be boys!
Of course things change. And yes, physically, labor and birth take a real toll that lasts for a few months. My wife had a couple of stitches down there as a result of our big-headed son:-)
As far as my wife being attractive, she was before she was pregnant, she was during the pregnancy, and she certainly still is.
With sex, it is not that we don't want to do it, it is more that we rarely have time to do it. And if it comes down to a choice between sex and sleep, I think for now we will pick sleep everytime.
But remember, after birth, sex will not be happening for a couple months, at least.
HAHA! think of how many women have multiple babies. obviously their is either little to no difference or guys can get over it
It seems to be the norm for people to tell horror stories for EVERY major event
"Oh, at my college graduation this chick tripped and broke her nose. her grad pictures were bloody"
"oh, you're engaged, well make sure you investigate him well, you need to know he's not a murderer"
"at my wedding we had a drunk guest wreck a table and we were charged a grand for it"
So, ignore the friends.