Getting Over Birth Fear

SeaConquest · November 2012

I planned a med-free birth for #1. Was with midwives and a doula in a freestanding birth center, studied hypnobabies, thought that I had mentally prepared myself for a long labor, had a supportive partner, got chiropractic to put my pelvis into good alignment, you name it.

I ended up having a hospital transfer after SROM, followed by 24 hours of labor, failure to progress (was 4-5 cm), and a malpositioned baby that was forming a cap of swelling on his head. Once at the hospital, I was so exhausted and in so much pain, that I opted for the epi, my labor was augmented with pit, and I narrowly avoided a section when my son finally descended after 31.5 hours of labor.

I am in early pregnancy with (surprise) baby #2 and, although I don't feel especially 'bad' about my first labor, I still believe that med-free birth is best for baby and would prefer to go au natural. However, I find that when I think about birthing the second time, I have a lot of birth fear that I didn't have before. I know the pain and exhaustion of a long labor, and I am afraid that I won't be able to endure it again.

I am wondering if any of this resonates with you? Were you confident going into your first labor, but found yourself facing a lot of fear in your second? How did you overcome birth fear? Were you able to have a med-free birth the second time or did you opt to take the stress off yourself? Thanks for any insights.

ReichleyMama · November 2012

Well, first of all, I think your fear is certainly understandable considering what you went through. I think you need to accept that while medicine was necessary with your first, it is irrelevant to how your second will progress. I was induced with pit with my first and it was completely awful. Your second is SOOOO much different. Your body knows what it's doing. Each labor/delivery is as different as one child is from the next. Don't sit and compare the two, you can't. I'm sure this is way easier said then done, given it's the only birth experience you have at this point. In the end you still had a vaginal birth, and that's a lot! Go on that! This labor will be faster and your body will know what it's doing. Worrying will not help anything. Keep an open mind and hope for the best, and have a healthy pregnancy. Focus on the good and keep a positive outlook. You don't want a stressful pregnancy.

My bottom line is that you need to psych yourself up. Keep the big picture in mind. Again, I completely understand how this would be difficult, but I also believe that your state of mind has a huge affect on your physical well being. You can do this, you just need to decide to (obviously not guaranteed, but it can't hurt!) Best of luck.

Have a healthy pregnancy and enjoy it!

ncbelle · November 2012

I think that's a normal fear - and I also think it helps to remember no two labors are the same! A friend of mine had a first birth much like yours only it did end in a CS. Her second baby was an accidental unassisted home birth - she went so quickly and relatively painlessly that the midwife didn't even make it until the baby was born! So you just never know

I think for the most part, second labors are easier than the first time around - you know you CAN do this and that there is an end. I also think that it's important to remember that while med-free births are great, sometimes (as may have been the case with you) epis can help prevent the need for a section by allowing mama to rest and relax. Good luck!

choppinbroccoli22 · November 2012

Ditto what PP said about some interventions being the lesser of the two evils--only I used nubain to beat the clock after almost 2 days' labor post-water breaking last time.

The traumatizing things that you went through, which scare you now, were one experience of labor. Each labor is different. Circumstances will be different. The one thing I do know that is the same is how stress hormones work-- you know that being afraid of what could happen during the labor process is counterproductive to it happening! Which is why I imagine you're trying to conquer these fears.

Sometimes a very narrow frame of reference is worse than no experience at all, because it leads you to expect a repeat performance. In actuality, your next birth could be totally different, and probably will be! You just have to wipe the slate clean in your head, and know this is a different baby, different day.

aylafsu88 · November 2012

I can understand your worry and your anxiousness over your second birth. It sounds like you had an intense and stressful birth the first time. I do not have any direct advice since I am a FTM but try to remember that every birth is different! Just because you had a stressful experience the first time, does not mean that you will have a similar birth experience. I have several friends who have had totally different natural births with their first and second child. So keep in mind that things can be different this time. You can do it!

kathleen02 · November 2012

My labor sounds very similar to yours. I was transferred after stopping at 7cm and then getting a fever and being exhausted. I too got the epi and was finally able to sleep after 40 hours of no sleep. Anyway, my labor up until the epi was very painful, long, frustrating. I was also not pleased with the care from my midwives during labor (prenatal care was great!). I guess I haven't thought too much on labor yet. It seems so far out. I have a feeling if this pregnancy remains relatively normal, that I'm confident that my labor will go by more smoothly than it did last time. I know what I want this time, I know what happened and what needed to be done but being my first time I wasn't sure, but now I am. I love the care of midwives but frankly the group I saw did not make feel comfortable at the birth center (long story). I'm seeing different team this time around and am actually excited and looking forward to getting to know them and them me. I think explaining my concerns with them will help considerably in what I need to do this time around.

SeaConquest · November 2012

Thank you for your responses, ladies. They have been very helpful. I have decided that, rather than going with a freestanding birth center, assuming that everything progresses normally with this pregnancy -- God willing, that I will have this baby at a hospital birth center.

My goal this time is just to try to relax and not put a lot of pressure on myself. Thinking about the prospect of another "failed" natural birth and hospital transfer makes me anxious, so, while I would normally recommend a freestanding birth center over a hospital birth center, I think that having less stress will probably lead to a better outcome for me than whatever philosophical or procedural differences may exist between the two locations.

Thank you again!

Unknown · November 2012

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