Telling Parents after loss?

alleycat39 · November 2012

Did any of you plan on waiting to tell your parents about your pregnancy after hearing the heartbeat, but then go in and have no heartbeat? If so, did you then tell your parents about the loss (and the D&C if you had one)?

I had told my mom (whom I am very close with) and recently shared the news with my stepfather because I was in town for Thanksgiving. It was a day before we had our first u/s, so we prefaced everything with "we haven't seen a heartbeat yet". My father and stepmother were out of town for Thanksgiving, so we didn't have a chance to tell them in person and figured that we would wait until we heard the heartbeat.

Now that we have to go through the process of D&C tomorrow, I am debating whether to share (and how to share) the news with them. DH thinks that letting them know through email is too insensitive, though I break into tears at the thought of calling them to let them know that I was pregnant and have now gone through a loss.

Thoughts/advice anyone??

Junebug060609 · November 2012

That was the exact scenario I had with my most recent loss. We saw a hb at 7w, but at 11w there wasn't one anymore and hadn't been since just after my first ultrasound.

We live thousands of miles away from all our parents. I just called them and told them straight up. There wasn't really a way to sugarcoat the fact that there wouldn't be a take home baby this time.

TicaAngel00 · November 2012

I couldn't talk on the phone to anyone for about 2 days without breaking down. So DH took the lead in calling his parents and in taking any phone calls. I texted my mom, my sister and a g/f who'd just finished miscarrying about a week/week and a half ago; all three knew that we were expecting. Maybe check to see if DH can make the phone call.

Suzi-G- · November 2012

I'm still struggling with this. We hadn't told any of our family before we found out. We opted to wait to miscarry naturally and as luck would have it I actually miscarried while on vacation with DH's family so we ended up having to tell his parents. I still haven't told mine. I want them to know because I feel like they can tell something is wrong, but I don't want to have to go through the actual act of telling them. So, I don't know. Sorry, I'm no help. hugs.

bellybaby · November 2012

I always tell my mom when I'm pregnant, other than that just my husband. When the losses occur I give her permission to tell my dad and I tell my sister. Other than that its private (unless I feel like venting to a friend). I couldn't gpo in for a D and C without telling my mom. I've also appreciated all the help my parents give taking care of my 2 year old during and afterwards.

alleycat39 · November 2012

Thank you ladies for all of your advice.

I did make the call to my Dad to tell him and he was extremely supportive. I broke down into tears, but do feel much better that the news is out there. Phew.....hopefully thats the last person that I need to "break the news to".

kr_ry · November 2012

I had told my parents, a few close friends and my boss that I was pg. I called my mom in tears when we found out. I texted the 3 friends I had told (1 had gone through a m/c before) and called my boss to let her know I needed a few days off work. I would always tell my parents regardless and my very close friends because of the support they offer. I know everyone is different when it comes to talking about it with others.

kelle017 · November 2012

None of our parents know about either loss. My sister and dh's sister (and their husbands) and my best friend knows, but that's it.

If I get pregnant again and get past the first tri I will tell them about the losses. I don't want to deal with them knowing and worrying and pitying me right now. I know they would want to know but I would wind up feeling more stress than support (even if it is unintentional). KWIM?

TKtravels · November 2012

kelle017:
None of our parents know about either loss. My sister and dh's sister (and their husbands) and my best friend knows, but that's it.
If I get pregnant again and get past the first tri I will tell them about the losses. I don't want to deal with them knowing and worrying and pitying me right now. I know they would want to know but I would wind up feeling more stress than support (even if it is unintentional). KWIM?

I definitely know what you mean.

I told my two best friends, and my brother and his fiance, but that's it. And as far as I see it, no one else needs to know.. especially at this point. I too don't want to deal with anyone pitying us or giving us more "advice."

My mom experienced several miscarriages, and she has a tendency to one-up people whenever something is going on, and I don't think I'd be able to handle that without repeatedly throat punching her.

Maybe some day I'll tell our parents, but right now, I can't deal with any of that.

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