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Baby Showers
mamainseptember
member
Throwing my friend a shower for #2
mamainseptember
member
in Baby Showers
My friends that I've spoken with have said its tacky to have a shower for #2. Is it okay to throw a small shower (just immediate family and close friends) for baby #2? Her first was a girl and this is a boy now. She went full-on PINK everything with #1 so she has nothing boy. She isn't registering anywhere and this would be a total surprise for her. I just wanted to do something at my house, snacks and drinks and play some games. I just don't want people to think its gift grabby or tacky on my part to throw this.
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Re: Throwing my friend a shower for #2
You pretty much answered your question before you asked it.
If it were my best friend, I'd offer to host a Meet the Baby Party after the birth, otherwise it does seem gift-grabby. I suppose if you don't call it a shower and state "no gifts" on the invite it's not awful...
ETA: the "she doesn't have anything 'boy'" argument will get you no where on this board - it's your friend's poor planning/lack of foresight that leaves her with nothing but pink stuff, that's not enough reason for people to buy her blue things.
Ummm, if your friends say it's tacky, why would you think it's not? Obviously in your circle it is. And frankly it's the MTB's fault for going "full-on" pink. That's just silly, and now she's going to have to either let the boy hang out in pink stuff and buck up and get blue stuff for him herself.
If your friends all know that it's tacky, then who exactly would be attending? If I were ever invited to attend a shower for a second-time Mom I would "have another commitment" at that time and decline; I suspect most other people who know their etiquette would as well.
Your heart is in the right place, but it's best to let your friend take care of her own needs. If you want to throw a little no-gifts coffee or tea thing, that's perfectly acceptable.
I understand the feeling of wantingto do something special, particularly since they were good to you. How about taking them to dinner? Or buying something for the baby? There are tons of ways to show them you're excited for them and appreciative of their friendship without the social faux pas.
Thanks for the suggestions! She told me about this double stroller that she wants, maybe I'll skip the shower and pick that up. Its on sale for cyber Monday!
That's a great idea! Happy shopping!
When my friend was having her first, all of us unmarried, non baby people did the stupidest thing ever-we bought her a pink BOB. Her son now uses a pink BOB and is no worse for the wear, but looking back I can see why some of us were so surprised she was not more over the moon with the gift. Buying all pink or blue is not a reason to solicit more gifts.
If you want to host a brunch at your house for her and the baby with no mention of gifts or games, fine. Anything other than that looks bad IMO.
I see that you have decided to just get her the double stroller...which I'm sure she will appreciate sooo much more then a bunch of baby boy clothes. She will get the boy clothes from people after the baby is born.
Basically (before you replied to the pps) I was going to suggest a Meet the Baby Party and just mention that I have attended 2nd, etc. showers and the gifts are always small and usually diapers and wipes with a couple of outfits thrown in so it's not like she would have gotten much in the way of equipment anyway.
PS: Christmas is coming up...maybe she could suggest baby items instead of personal gifts this year.
If the shower is a surprise, I don't see how it could possibly come across as "gift-grabby" or like the mom is angling for things for a boy because she was a 'poor planner' in her first pregnancy. It doesn't sound like she's asking for this, but a good friend was just looking for a way to show love and support the second time around.
There were other good ideas given for doing that without doing a shower, but I for one don't think throwing an intimate party to celebrate something great in a friend's life can ever be a bad thing. I had a neighbor who already had a child (daughter) before she moved to the neighborhood, and was expecting, and I threw her a surprise neighborhood shower because she was going through a lot of loneliness and depression during her second pregnancy and I wanted to show her the support she had surrounding her even though her family wasn't close by. It meant the WORLD to her, and those who came understood that the intention wasn't to supply her with every baby thing she probably got the first time around, but just to have fun and hang out and if they felt moved to buy a little onesie for her son-to-be or wrap up a hand-me-down toy from their children, so be it. I made clear in the invites (it was a very small gathering) that the intention was to gather to celebrate and gifts were not expected in any way, and I decorated with all boy/gender neutral clothing items from Once Upon a Child (new, but WAY cheap!) on a clothesline around the room, and she got to take those home with her at the end. Other than that, and I think a hand-me-down from another guest, I can't even remember if anyone else brought a gift, but I do remember the food, laughing a ton, and her husband thanking me profusely for doing it for her, b/c she had been in tears the night before and came home feeling so encouraged.
If you want to celebrate someone/someone's baby, do it!! :-)