Random spiraling thoughts of the day.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

A woman I know who is a Mary Kay consultant is doing an "Adopt-a-Grandparent" thing, where you donate $20 and she fills a stocking with MK products to give as gifts to folks in her grandmother's nursing home who don't get visitors and probably won't get gifts for Christmas. It's super nice, and I'm sure it will be appreciated.

But...if they're old, and they have no family, there's a good likelihood they are not grandparents or even parents. The terminology irked me, though I know it's silly. And then my mind started spiraling to how sad it must be for some of those people at the end of their lives with nobody to visit or miss them. Continued spiraling occurred with a vision of myself at 90 years old, with DH gone (he's almost 10 years older than I am), no kids or family, and being all by myself.

I can't even enjoy charity without getting stabby anymore. Le sigh.

This requires no response. Just my random verbal diarrhea of the day.

hungryhippo · November 2012

I get it. Everything comes back to fertility, loss, having no answers. I don't know how to change it, but I totally get it. It just is the most important, highest impact topic in my life right now. I guess it's a very natural thing to be focused on.

For the record, I think it's highly unlikely that these people are all unvisited because they are childless. It could be, but there could be a million other circumstances too.

buggirl72 · November 2012

Totally get this. I worked (briefly) as a receptionist in an assisted living facility. It made me think a lot about the fact that I will probably die very alone. I can see where the terminology bothers you but "Adopt-a-Blue-Hair" or "Adopt-an-Elderly-Person" does not have the same ring to it, and, sadly enough, a lot of people that end up in nursing homes have children/grandchildren that just do not visit or do anything.

For the people getting the presents, it will mean the world to them.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

jenek0213:
HUGS Red. But I totally get it. I'm terrified of being one of those ladies. No kids, lost my husband, and spending my Christmases totally alone. And the farther down this road and the more desperate our TTC measures get; the closer I feel to that reality. But I now feel inspired to send a present to people in the nursing home; pay it forward because that could be me someday. It is so very unfair. So so so unfair.

Me too!

LSzwaya · November 2012

Big hugs, Red.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

hungryhippo:
I get it. Everything comes back to fertility, loss, having no answers. I don't know how to change it, but I totally get it. It just is the most important, highest impact topic in my life right now. I guess it's a very natural thing to be focused on. For the record, I think it's highly unlikely that these people are all unvisited because they are childless. It could be, but there could be a million other circumstances too.

I realize that... Like you said though, everything comes to back my IF/RPL issues. Kind of like how I got pissed off that everybody was calling 50 Shades "Mommy Porn". What, so I'm not allowed to read it because I'm not a mommy? I know I just get way too sensitive over the stupidest sh?t.

km_md · November 2012

Big ((hugs)) Red. It sucks big time that everything has to be somehow wrapped up in all of this crap. I'm sorry

katharine25 · November 2012

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Some people just have crappy kids, and some were crappy parents because they didn't understand what an amazing gift they had. You won't -- you are going to have amazing kids because YOU are going to be an amazing mother, and they are always going to know how much their parents love them.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

buggirl72:
Totally get this. I worked (briefly) as a receptionist in an assisted living facility. It made me think a lot about the fact that I will probably die very alone. I can see where the terminology bothers you but "Adopt-a-Blue-Hair" or "Adopt-an-Elderly-Person" does not have the same ring to it, and, sadly enough, a lot of people that end up in nursing homes have children/grandchildren that just do not visit or do anything.
For the people getting the presents, it will mean the world to them.

Yeah, I tried to think of what else they could use...and whatever else I came up with sounded like it would be more offensive to them than the term "grandparent" was to me.

In college, an organization I was involved in used to volunteer at a particular nursing home quite frequently. I remember talking with some of the residents about how their families don't visit. I don't what would be more hurtful - not having a family to visit, or having a family that doesn't. So sad, either way.

So, new PMS symptom = depressing fear of aging and awareness of mortality. Is there a checkbox on FF for that?

lindsayanne14 · November 2012

Hugs to you, Red! When my gram was in a nursing home I could always tell the people who's family never visited. I hate the fact that something as simple as donating out of kindness can be dampered by the TTC struggle!

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

LSzwaya:
Big hugs, Red.

Thanks, and back at ya.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

km_md:
Big ((hugs)) Red. It sucks big time that everything has to be somehow wrapped up in all of this crap. I'm sorry

Thanks, km. I do feel sort of like a sandwich on spoiled bread. The yummy stuff inside hard to enjoy when the bread is moldy.

I should switch to salad.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

katharine25:
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Some people just have crappy kids, and some were crappy parents because they didn't understand what an amazing gift they had. You won't -- you are going to have amazing kids because YOU are going to be an amazing mother, and they are always going to know how much their parents love them.

I f?cking love you. Can you live inside my head? Thanks for being my positive self-talk when I can't do it myself.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

lindsayanne79:
Hugs to you, Red! When my gram was in a nursing home I could always tell the people who's family never visited. I hate the fact that something as simple as donating out of kindness can be dampered by the TTC struggle!

Thanks Linds. Hugs always appreciated!

twotexans · November 2012

((((Big Hugs))))

I had a freak out a few days ago. My grandmother is 88 lives in an Alzheimer's care unit. It takes coordination between me, my mom, and my sister to cover everything she needs sometimes. My great-grandmother lived to 92 with Alzheimer's, and her overall health was much worse than my grandmother's. We have no idea how long this will go on.

I realized that this could very well be me one day, but what will happen if I don't have any children or grandchildren? Who will take on overseeing my care? It was truly depressing.

I don't spend a lot of time with my grandmother, but I always bring a treats for her and everyone else in her unit. It's usually nothing big. I take up muffins, cookies or cupcakes usually. It makes me feel a little better that I did something for someone who might not get visitors very often.

Rachaeleigh · November 2012

Ugh. I was raised by my grandparents so older people tend to be my soft spot. This whole thought...them being alone, me being alone...just awful. Hugs Red

heather52904 · November 2012

HUGS. My mom was telling a story at dinner last night about visiting a family friend in a home and how lonely and desperate for visitors he was. I was already having a bad day and I had that same thought... that's going to be me one day. It sucks that our minds go there. I'm sure that will not be your fate!

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

twotexans:
((((Big Hugs))))
I had a freak out a few days ago. My grandmother is 88 lives in an Alzheimer's care unit. It takes coordination between me, my mom, and my sister to cover everything she needs sometimes. My great-grandmother lived to 92 with Alzheimer's, and her overall health was much worse than my grandmother's. We have no idea how long this will go on.
I realized that this could very well be me one day, but what will happen if I don't have any children or grandchildren? Who will take on overseeing my care? It was truly depressing.
I don't spend a lot of time with my grandmother, but I always bring a treats for her and everyone else in her unit. It's usually nothing big. I take up muffins, cookies or cupcakes usually. It makes me feel a little better that I did something for someone who might not get visitors very often.

That's so sweet of you, Tex. It must be so hard to deal with with, emotionally and strategically. You're a good granddaughter

I actually was just talking to a girlfriend last night about her grandmother who is in her late 80s in a nursing home, and who is rapidly declining, physically and mentally. She told me that she wouldn't want her family to have go through watching that happen to her and worrying about taking care of her. I'm sure it is hard for any aging person to start to admit they need help to take care of themselves. Maybe that might be a hidden blessing for those without families...not having to witness the grief and stress loved ones would feel surrounding aging.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

rachaelhudson:
Ugh. I was raised by my grandparents so older people tend to be my soft spot. This whole thought...them being alone, me being alone...just awful. Hugs Red

Thanks Rachael.

Are your grandparents in good health?

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

heather52904:
HUGS. My mom was telling a story at dinner last night about visiting a family friend in a home and how lonely and desperate for visitors he was. I was already having a bad day and I had that same thought... that's going to be me one day. It sucks that our minds go there. I'm sure that will not be your fate!

Thanks for the hugs.

AmeliaKris · November 2012

So sorry your feeling like this. Hugs!!!

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

AmeliaKris:
So sorry your feeling like this. Hugs!!!

Thanks, AK.

Roxycc55 · November 2012

katharine25:
HUGSnbsp;Some people just have crappy kids, and some were crappy parents because they didn't understand what an amazing gift they had. You won't you are going to have amazing kids because YOU are going to be an amazing mother, and they are always going to know how much their parents love them.nbsp;

All of this. I definitely understand the spiraling thoughts. More [[[[Hugs]]]]

buggirl72 · November 2012

RedPhoenix625:
buggirl72:
Totally get this. I worked (briefly) as a receptionist in an assisted living facility. It made me think a lot about the fact that I will probably die very alone. I can see where the terminology bothers you but "Adopt-a-Blue-Hair" or "Adopt-an-Elderly-Person" does not have the same ring to it, and, sadly enough, a lot of people that end up in nursing homes have children/grandchildren that just do not visit or do anything.
For the people getting the presents, it will mean the world to them.
Yeah, I tried to think of what else they could use...and whatever else I came up with sounded like it would be more offensive to them than the term "grandparent" was to me.
In college, an organization I was involved in used to volunteer at a particular nursing home quite frequently. I remember talking with some of the residents about how their families don't visit. I don't what would be more hurtful - not having a family to visit, or having a family that doesn't. So sad, either way.

So, new PMS symptom = depressing fear of aging and awareness of mortality. Is there a checkbox on FF for that?

Have you looked at the add/remove symptoms? They have about everything imaginable.

MH's work has in assisted living facilities everyday. That is how I ended up working at the place I did for a few months. It was very hard seeing some of the residents just waiting for family to show up that never would and others who had the most amazing family that would be their every day or so.

As far as everything coming back around to infertility/loss issues - it does define us and it is who we are. It's the lenses that we see our lives through. (((hugs)))

ravenclaw1 · November 2012

aw, red. this made me sad. so sorry you're having these thoughts... but I like what Katharine said

Rachaeleigh · November 2012

RedPhoenix625:
rachaelhudson:
Ugh. I was raised by my grandparents so older people tend to be my soft spot. This whole thought...them being alone, me being alone...just awful. Hugs Red
<3 Thanks Rachael.

Are your grandparents in good health?

Theyre both passed now. My grandmother passed this summer. I was lucky enough to take DH to finally meet her. She passed within a week after we left. AND she asked me about "my baby"...Keep in mind this visit was weeks after my 3rd loss. No one in my family even knew about my 2nd or 3rd loss. Spooky huh?

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

ravenclaw1:
aw, red. this made me sad. so sorry you're having these thoughts... but I like what Katharine said

I you. And Katharine is pretty amazing, right?

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

Fayga:
You addressed my biggest fear... DH is 7 years older and not in the best of health now, he has nerve damage, and I am scared to death that we wont have kids and he will pass before me and I will be like a sad old crazy cat lady...or worse in a nursing home with no one... DH has 2 aunts that one never had children since she had to have a hysterectomy at 25 and one that had a stillbirth and never tried again... I don't want to be a old bitter person like them...

I feel like a bitter old person already...I can't even imagine what I would be like as an actual childless old person. Pretty scary, that much I know.

(((HUGS))) Fayga.

RedPhoenix625 · November 2012

rachaelhudson:
RedPhoenix625:
rachaelhudson:
Ugh. I was raised by my grandparents so older people tend to be my soft spot. This whole thought...them being alone, me being alone...just awful. Hugs Red
Thanks Rachael.

Are your grandparents in good health?
Theyre both passed now. My grandmother passed this summer. I was lucky enough to take DH to finally meet her. She passed within a week after we left. AND she asked me about "my baby"...Keep in mind this visit was weeks after my 3rd loss. No one in my family even knew about my 2nd or 3rd loss. Spooky huh?

I'm sorry to hear that It's nice that grandma got to meet DH before she passed.

LunaBug924 · November 2012

Ugh, I hate what everything that is happening to all of us! I completely see your point of view. I keep telling DH that I'm going to be the "crazy cat lady" if we can't have kids. He rolls his eyes, doesn't think its funny. I don't think its funny either, but its hard to think positive sometimes. Meanwhile, even though I'm a year older than him, he'll probably go first based on his family history. I just hope someone as sweet as you adopts me for Christmas when I'm all alone. Sigh...

(((HUGS))) all around!

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