Its so hard to make the decision!

LexiPlexi · November 2012

Has anyone had a hard time deciding to start TTC? DH & I are ready, until that time comes, then we wuss out. Planning our pregnancy seemed like such a good idea, but it is so hard to make that decision of "after tonight, our lives will never be the same".

I used to make fun of the people who "weren't trying but weren't not trying" but now I feel like its the only way to not worry & stress yourself out!

Anyone else have this problem?

cinderin · November 2012

We had the "problem" of trying to decide when we wanted to TTC.

It just seemed like the time wasn't right (and looking back - we were right, the time wasn't right).

We always knew we wanted to have kids though.

We just started trying recently (thought we had thought we would start trying in January 2013). I am turning 31 next month, we have been married over 8 years. I finally switched jobs in June. So the time is just finally right for us.

I think when the time is right, you will know.

That said - don't put so much pressure on the act of sex. I think you need to have the discussion and come to a decision regarding TTC in the day. Maybe while eating lunch/dinner, walking the dog, watching TV. Then have sex later. Don't put to much pressure on yourselves.

TTC can take a while. Don't stress yourselves out and put pressure on yourselves right at the start.

If either of you aren't ready, maybe agree to discuss it in a couple months and see where you are with it.

hesakeeper · November 2012

If you think the "not trying but not not trying" method is less stressful, then you can go that route. However, unless you know when you're ovulating, you may not get pg anytime soon - which could be stressful.

Definitely have a daytime talk about ttc and if you would like to be actively ttc for a baby soon, or if you're going the "if it happens, it happens" approach. With the former, you may want to consider reading taking charge of your fertility and/or using fertilityfriend.com

criswithnoh · November 2012

Kind of going through this myself. Emotionally we're very ready to TTC but we're only starting to become financially stable. Plus, I'm just about to finish nursing school (just over 3 weeks left!) and taking the state boards in February will be stressful enough without pregnancy symptoms. The dilemma is you just don't know if it's going to take 1 cycle or 10 cycles.

Just keep the conversation open with your SO and don't put so much pressure on yourselves.

chels0120 · November 2012

I think to some extent every couple feels that way! While you may be ready for a baby you know it will be a big change and that's always hard to wrap your head around. You'll know when the time is right

heather51983 · November 2012

My DH and I had a similar problem. I have a 10 year old daughter and have wanted another since she was 2. When we met she was 5 and I just wanted another one. DH had another plan for me lol. We had to have a house, get married and have stable jobs and financally ok for me to quit work. We just completed that list in July! While planning our wedding we decided that I would go off BC so we could start trying right away after the wedding.

If you aren't ready then don't pressure yourself into thinking you are, you will know when the time is right. GL with whatever it is you decide.

LexiPlexi · November 2012

Thanks ladies. I guess we'll never feel "READY", but perhaps we're not able to do it right now is because the timing isn't right. I'll just keep busy & keep charting, and we'll wait a few more months (years? lol)

I'm just afraid that we'll never feel like it's the right time or that we are 100% ready to expand our family.

anssett · November 2012

I'm in this camp. Earlier this year we decided we wanted to start TTC in December (timing based on some work stuff for me). Then the work stuff changed and we want to push it back a while. Then we decided we really want to SCUBA dive on our honeymoon (and you can't be pregnant for that) so we're delaying until after the HM. Part of my brain thinks we'll never stop having life stuff come up that makes us need or want to delay, but I think this stuff is normal for highly active people. We really do want kids so we'll get these last few things out of the way and plan the next year to have fewer preggo-incompatible events. You may be in a place like me, or may not be ready for emotional reasons. Either way, give yourself a break. It'll happen when it happens.

LexiPlexi · November 2012

That's exactly where we are. Every time we're "ready" we think about the upcoming year and our vacations or our jobs and it make us think we're not as ready as we thought we were.

Most of my friends already have babies, but DH & I love to travel. I am looking at their lives, and their adorable babies, and I know I'm missing out, but we just can't make that decision to start TTC.

Willowmere · November 2012

I'm a lurker, and I was looking through the board for this exact topic. I have no advice at all, but just wanted to let you know that there are others out there feeling the same way.

I stopped taking the pill a few months ago, and we're currently using a diaphragm. So we're "not trying, but not not trying," since I wouldn't just rely on a blocking method if I definitely didn't want to get pregnant. I'm not even totally confident that I'm using it correctly!

Reasons to wait a few months keep popping into my head -- I should lose some weight, we should take a last big trip, etc. But then I don't lose weight and don't plan that trip, so I don't think it's really what's holding me back.

I think part of it is that I've spent so much energy trying to NOT get pregnant for so many years that it feels almost wrong somehow. I know that sounds ridiculous. And then of course, like you mentioned, the whole "after tonight, our lives will never be the same." Scary thought!

CamFam · November 2012

All I can say is "it won't be easy, but it will be worth it". Raising a human is hard work, but so rewarding. Make sure you both are in agreement with trying for a baby. You might not be "ready"... heck, I'm not "ready" for number two, but I know I want two, however, you are never "ready" the way you think you will be. You just get to a point when you want a baby and all other priorities go to the back burner. Whatever you decide, just remember that the good times outweigh the rough times.

danielle.dugas · November 2012

Sorry....why would you make fun of people that are "not trying but not not trying"?? Maybe some people myself obviously included call that being in a committed relationship, having sex, and whatever happens happens??! I think thats kind if the way its supposed to happen, out of the act of love, not predetermined calendars and planned organized sex?

Just saying, nothing wrong with not trying but not not!!

Its so hard to make the decision!

Re: Its so hard to make the decision!

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