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Multiples
mamatotwins0812
member
Not exactly what I had expected...
mamatotwins0812
member
in Multiples
Ah expectations. As I reflect back from what was a chaotic, crazy, yet joyous thanksgiving holiday, I can't seem to shake this funk that I started the day off with. When I thought about our first holiday as a family I dreamed of this amazing fairy tail day filled with nothing but blissful moments. I have SO much to be thankful for but how I ended up feeling caught me by surprise. We traveled by car 7 hours to get to my moms so we started the week off by getting the boys completely out of their routines. By the time we got to thanksgiving day I was exhausted from them being out of sorts plus the nasty cold I've been fighting all week. My vision for the day was to be in the kitchen helping to prepare as always with a glass of wine in hand and my children being gleefully passed from person to person. Instead I got kicked out of the kitchen to tend to my poor overly tired and completely uprooted babies and found myself feeling isolated and helpless. No one could hold them bc they hadn't had a nap and wanted nothing more than mama. I love my babies and tending to them, but instead of feeling carefree and blissful all day, I felt myself having a serious identity crisis and feeling like I wasn't doing anything very well. I couldn't cook or bake, I couldn't mingle and socialize, I couldn't just sit and enjoy a glass of wine, I couldn't hit the stores for some traditional early morning Black Friday shopping and I certainly didn't feel like I was taking good care of my poor exhausted babies. I ended the day feeling like a failure and a bad mom for spreading them so thin. I didn't even get 1 photo of them in their adorable outfits bc we hit the ground running from the second we opened our eyes.
Im certainly not complaining, I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have all that I have, but boy I wasn't expecting to feel like such a terrible mother/wife/daughter/sister/aunt/hostess/friend on our sweet babies first turkey day. Here's to hoping Christmas goes a little smoother.....
I hope all you fellow MoMs and MoMs to be had a wonderful holiday.
Fraternal twin boys born at 33 weeks 4 days
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Re: Not exactly what I had expected...
Yeah, ditto pp. Having babies does change everything, and certainly more so with multiples. It's funny but times when I had thought my babies would be passed around (often b/c someone promised they would be "so come anyway, you'll be able to have fun") it rarely worked out that way. We did major road trips with our guys at 6m (4th of July with my family back in Indy, 10 hrs away) and Christmas at 11m (in PA with DH's family, also 10 hrs away) ... and yeah, both were exhausting.
Eventually you'll get some of that normalcy back but it might take a while. Certainly not your fault at all; having two babies who are out of their routine is tiring! My boys didn't travel well until they were 3.5 so trips before then were always really draining on me and DH. The worst was actually at 2.5, when we had a 10-day Midwest road trip for several family reunions. They were SO crabby from being out of routine and traveling with multiple stops and meeting way too many new people, they wouldn't go to anyone besides DH, me, or one of my sisters., plus of course they were in the terrible 2's. (We had also had an 8-hr road trip and a move within the prior 6 weeks.) It was so hard to find chances to just sit and visit with family. This past summer at 3.5 they were much better. Hang in there!
Oh and as for the blissful holiday moments in general ... I find with little ones they can be so moody and unpredictable, you kind of have to seize the small happy moments in the midst of the crying fits and tantrums and spitup and whatever else comes along, and focus on those. Like yesterday, we had a low-key Thanksgiving at home, but the boys are getting over colds and one or both were crabby at almost any given moment all. day. long. But we had some really peaceful, sweet moments taking a midday walk, snuggling on the couch while DH put the finishing touches on dinner, and one of them at least sat and enjoyed the meal with us. You have to savor them when they come because sometimes the holidays with things being so out of routine can be hard for really young kids so they don't always bring out the best in them.
Makes me think of this blog post, which isn't specifically about holidays but I think it applies:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
Hope you get a chance to do some resting and relaxing today!
I am so so sorry.
We have learned that even getting through the grocery store can be a challenge let alone major holidays. This is why we refuse to travel with the kids until they are older. We've done one overnight trip since they were born and it was a rough night until they finally fell asleep at 3 AM. It's just not worth it. Pretty much nothing is worth it (to us). You get punished way more and disappointed more than the trip is worth.
We stay home and people who want to come to us do so. We don't eat out anymore and that's ok. It's a phase and we will get past it. For as amazing and wonderful as twins are, baby and toddlers twins are really tough to travel and especially to get out of their routine.
Good for you for trying.
We took ours on our first vacation at 5.5 months old and it was awful. Nobody slept, there was no time to do anything fun between bottles, naps, etc. It's a real culture shock that first year when things are so much harder than they were before, and harder than it would be with one baby.
For us, things got a lot better after they dropped to one nap and were self-feeding. Sure, things still aren't easy and things like holidays are better if we host so they are in their own element, but it's so much better than it was the first year. Mine just turned 2 and they enjoyed Thanksgiving this year - they ate dinner with us and had a blast. So much better than that first year when they were 2 weeks old, and even better than last year.
They were already only taking 30 to 45 min naps in the weeks before and one of my boys has decided to start waking multiple times per night. This continued while there so that wasnt out of the ordinary but my babies usually lie down and go to sleep for naps and at night with very little intervention from me. Being out of their element and sleeping in the PNP changed this! I spent 15 to 30 mins trying to get them to sleep at each nap and at bedtime! Add to all of this, the boys starting to fuss/whine almost every time hubby's grandmother held them and I felt horrible about my mom skills and about not having "good" babies on a good routine.
Oh well, on our way home now in 1 car and hoping it doesn't take too long to get them back to normal. I'm sure we will be back to normal just in time to take 3 hour trip to my moms for Christmas and then 6 hour trip from there to hubby's moms for New Years! I keep telling myself it can only get easier as they get older!!