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Always a competition

marie2424marie2424
in Blended Families

Hello,

 Me and my fiance have been engaged for over a year and been together for 3. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage. We have decided we are getting married in Maui in May. He had to get permission from her to take the kids out of state. so he finally asked her a couple days ago. Her response was that thats what her and her fiance (they've been together for 6 months) are also doing, they just have to set the date. For some reason this really annoys me, im not sure why. It just always has to be some kind of competition. She thrives on drama and getting under people skin. Well its definetely  worked this time. Tell me if im being crazy here. I've just put so much time and planning into this and the idea of her getting married where we do just bothers me..

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Re: Always a competition

  • jnjmommy0609jnjmommy0609
    I could see why but at the same time yea it's kind of pointless. You can't control what others do. Though I do recommend never ever sharing couple and family info unless you absolutely have to. Example...he has to tell her that you guys are going to Maui because you are taking the kids. But you don't have to inform her of the time, exact location, when it's ending etc. All she needs to know is the general area and the flight times.
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  • lvnlife3184lvnlife3184 member

    Hold off on those emotions until she actual has a plan.

    I remember when DH and I were dating and when he had gone to her eventually to tell her about his relationship with me and myself meeting the children....after that she was always in a competition about everything and when he mentioned a trip him and I were taking (minus children), she all of a sudden had a trip planned to Hawaii and he'd be keeping the kids....but that trip never happened for her. In fact, we never heard another word about it.

    I don't blame you for the feelings though. It can be very aggrevating. Everything is always a a competition with the BM in our lives....we bought a swingset when we moved into our house, 2 weeks later BM buys one twice the size. Everything ends up that way...no matter what we do with or for the children.

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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    I understand it! BM married her H at the SAME PLACE DH and I got married. At first I was really annoyed but now looking back it just kind of freaks me out...who does that?!
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imagejnjmommy0609:
    I could see why but at the same time yea it's kind of pointless. You can't control what others do. Though I do recommend never ever sharing couple and family info unless you absolutely have to. Example...he has to tell her that you guys are going to Maui because you are taking the kids. But you don't have to inform her of the time, exact location, when it's ending etc. All she needs to know is the general area and the flight times.

    Seriously? With no details of where my kid would be my answer would be "no I will not give permission without a detailed itenerary."
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • twister22twister22 member

    imageLittlejen22:
    imagejnjmommy0609:
    I could see why but at the same time yea it's kind of pointless. You can't control what others do. Though I do recommend never ever sharing couple and family info unless you absolutely have to. Example...he has to tell her that you guys are going to Maui because you are taking the kids. But you don't have to inform her of the time, exact location, when it's ending etc. All she needs to know is the general area and the flight times.
    Seriously? With no details of where my kid would be my answer would be "no I will not give permission without a detailed itenerary."

    I completely agree with the bold. No way in heck BD would get permission to take DS on such a trip unless I knew the address of where they were with contact phone numbers, and the dates they would be there. I would also want to know if they were doing any activities that could be considered dangerous.

    OP, BM is being silly. Get married where you want to get married and don't worry about what she does. If she gets married the same place as you, then so what. Likely it will be after you and your SO, and anyone who knows that you both got married there would think that she was the bizarre one. Personally, if BD gets married or has the reception at the same place that DH and I did, then I wouldn't care. Don't let it get to you. Enjoy your wedding day - congratulations!

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  • kali55kali55 member

    imagewendilea:
    Enjoy your wedding.  Don't let her plans bother you, in all likelihood, they probably will never come to fruition anyway.  

    this exactly!  I wouldn't waste time worrying about what she may or may not do 



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