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sabrina69barnes
member
I hate BM.
sabrina69barnes
member
I'm beyond pissed and I just need to vent. BM is a horrible person and doesn't deserve to have children. I hate this woman.
Long story short she doesnt feed the kids enough. She is fine on money and always has plenty of food in the house. She just doesn't feed them enough. She does provide them with an item that is food and is edible at each mealtime so it doesn't count as her having them skip meals according to CPS. Half a ham sandwich and some water is a completely fine dinner according to them. Sometimes there is also half a piece of cheese on this sandwich but only if they behave. That's right folks, my Sk's have to EARN cheese.
SS is stealing food at school multiple times a week because he is hungry. For lunch he eats either a PBJ and small baggie of chips or ham and a small baggie of animal crackers. If he is extra good he has the ability to "earn" cheese on his ham sandwich. This is his biggest meal of the day. It's the same for SD but she hasn't been stealing.
This sound like neglect right? Nope. It's fine with the state as long as they get a food item 2-3 times a day and the kids are at least in the 1st percentile for weight. Since CPS is completely fine with this we don't have grounds to modify the CO and try get primary custody. I can't take notes and record what is happening all day but without being able to go back to court it's all useless. We've gotten second, third, and fourth opinions from lawyers.
BM flat out lied to DH about what the kids were getting for lunch. We only found out about what was really going on yesterday. DH and I are paying for the kids to have a hot lunch now so at least they will get one actual meal a day. BM is going to be pissy when she finds out.
She is already pissy with DH for not punishing SS enough for stealing food. She doesn't feed SS. SS is hungry and steals food. Obviously it's because of DH. Her punishment idea for SS is to take food away from him and it's what she did at her house.
I don't understand BM. What kind of mother can afford and has plenty of food in the house but just chooses not to give her kids enough to eat? She knows this is wrong because she knows to lie about it.
DH and I are doing everything we can legally do. It's starting to be more of an issue for the school so maybe something will be done but I'm really not hopeful.
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Re: I hate BM.
Holy cow! I can not believe that is "acceptable" legally. I'm really sorry you aren't able to help these kinds more
That is absolutely discgusting and neglectful. Wow.
Make a pregnancy ticker
What kind of food issues does BM have??
this is seriously ridiculous.
This woman is potentially putting mental issues about food into these poor kids. Some kids grow up having their own thoughts about food but the others can have the same thoughts or even worse end up developing an eating disorder.
I am curious to know what issues BM has with food. Because it definitely sounds like she has some problems with food herself.
That was the end of last school year. DH and I had some very expensive home and car repairs come up unexpectedly around that time. We couldn't afford to buy the kids lunches but we did mail extra things to the school to add to their lunch. DH talked with BM but he is careful. BM knows we can't really do anything and would call DH's bluff on taking her to court. He is willing to but we don't meet the criteria for a modification unless CPS gets involved.
BM does have issues with food but nothing has been diagnosed. MIL and DH said she lost baby weight after the kids by just not eating.
We are also going to be paying for the kids to have breakfast as well as lunch.
After I posted this both DH and BM got calls from the guidance counselor wanting to figure out what is going on. DH will call back first thing Monday. BM is really good at explaining things away and explaining how everything is always someone else's fault. I really hope that the guidance counselor is able to see through that. DH is going to be completely honest with what has been happening. Maybe since he is a mandated reporter and unbiased something might happen with CPS?
Small potatoes in comparison but DH picked the kids up from BM's today for the holiday. He was helping them get ready to leave and heard BM on the phone with her friend. She called SS a felon in SS's earshot. I seriously hate this woman. I know we have to but I want to cry thinking about the kids going back on Monday.
Take this to court. Now. I don't care if you have CPS involvement or not. I don't care if you win or not. But get this in front of a judge's eyes IMMEDIATELY. This woman is just skirting the line of abusing her children and it needs to stop. If you don't win, go to court again. And again. And again. Until a judge LISTENS. Eventually someone will.
Take these kids to the doctor, have a full work up done, have their weight documented. Even if they are in the 1st percentile, have it documented anyway. Get school records showing that SS has been stealing food. (P.S. SHAME on the school for not contacting CPS when this was happening, this is a HUGE red flag that something is going on at home). Tell the guidance counselor everything!
My heart breaks for your SKs.
I agree - - document everything, and get your lawyer to put in in front of a judge asap. Maybe ask for a psychological evaluation b/c of the theft issues?
Hopefully the guidance counselor will see what is going on and will call CPS. Guidance counselors are mandatory reporters for abuse.
Some other thoughts - - does your school have a program where kids can get milk daily and/or a snack? My children's school has snack time and the kids get snack that way (parents can either send in a snack or pay for it and it will be delivered daily). Even if your child is too old (middle school doesn't have snack time where they go), they will deliver the milk/snack to the nurse - - for example if a child is diabetic and needs a constant supply of food during the day.
The kids do get a snack. Parents take turns sending them in for the whole class. If a parent forgets there is a backup.
We have taken the kids to doctors. There haven't been any huge red flags there, just what we tell them. At least one doctor said they called CPS with concerns based on what I and SS told them but that was around two years ago and nothing really came from it. CPS visited BM's home and found enough food in the house so they let it go. They assume that if BM has enough food it means the kids are getting it.
They kids have never lost enough weight to be underweight. We have them EOWE and the whole summer so they get plenty to eat during those times.
We have documented everything we can but there is nothing on paper that looks really bad. We can't call the school back until Monday but I intend on getting names of teaches who know what is going on.
We can't get this in front of a judge right now. This has been going on for at least the past two years. It started shortly after our last modification. We were able to get a modification because BM moved without notifying the court. Unless CPS finds an issue we don't have grounds to go back to court. It doesn't matter what proof I have, what the kids say, or what DH and I say, without CPS this will not make it before a judge. DH and I have talked to 4 lawyers. We had a consult and they looked at the details. They have all said that if we want a modification without CPS our only option is mediation. Obviously BM isn't going to go for that.