Grandparents and Delivery

michant · November 2012

Just curious if anyone has a father who is going to be a grandfather for the 1st time and made up an excuse for not being at the hospital for the scheduled c-section. Why must people crush what should be happy milestones in your life especially when they know that you struggled with infertility for 2yrs and finally conceived making this an extra special birth. Thank god for my mother who is always there for me!

6fsn · November 2012

I'm sorry your dad isn't meeting your expectations. I'm just going to say that babies scare my dad. This is my 3 c/s and the thought of his baby (me) in surgery also scares him. He doesn't like to be there and he doesn't like to hold the newborn. He loves being a grandfather though. He will happily hold them when they are a little older, play with them and even babysit by himself, but that newborn and surgery thing kill him. He'd rather be anywhere but at the hospital.

My dad may not be there the moment baby is born, but he's one of the best grandpas out there. Try to think of that.

michant · November 2012

6fsn:

I'm sorry your dad isn't meeting your expectations. I'm just going to say that babies scare my dad. This is my 3 c/s and the thought of his baby (me) in surgery also scares him. He doesn't like to be there and he doesn't like to hold the newborn. He loves being a grandfather though. He will happily hold them when they are a little older, play with them and even babysit by himself, but that newborn and surgery thing kill him. He'd rather be anywhere but at the hospital.

My dad may not be there the moment baby is born, but he's one of the best grandpas out there. Try to think of that.

thanks for the positive outlook, I will try to look at it that way

cutie9621 · November 2012

I don't know about delivery but my mom "Forgot" to come to our 3D ultrasound this morning. My MIL was there twenty minutes early because ehse was so excited. Instead my mom "forgot". I just found out she took an extra shift at work. Totally voluntary.

Sorry about people being a buzz kill. Try to write it off and enjoy the day!

MrsCarroll.6-10-07 · November 2012

I don't understand what the big deal is about him being there for the actual csection? Unless you wanted him in the OR with you he won't be able to do much or see you for a few hours in recovery. Maybe he wants to give you time to heal from the major surgery you are having on your body and let you and your new baby bond?

I'm sorry you're feeling crushed by this. Is he planning to come later? At all?

mben1119 · November 2012

It isn't like he can be in the OR anyway. I don't see the big deal.

LadyNikon · November 2012

Your dad will have plenty of time to bond with the new baby. Don't stress over him not seeing the baby fresh out of the womb. My grandfather ( so i was told) wouldn't pick me up for the first few months. i was a weeee lass. I was only 3lbs and 6ozs. My grandmother was heart broken he said but he just couldn't handle holding something so tiny. You have to remember back in their time. The fathers sat in the waiting room telling stories and passing out cigars.

michant · November 2012

cutie9621:

I don't know about delivery but my mom "Forgot" to come to our 3D ultrasound this morning. My MIL was there twenty minutes early because ehse was so excited. Instead my mom "forgot". I just found out she took an extra shift at work. Totally voluntary.

Sorry about people being a buzz kill. Try to write it off and enjoy the day!

Thats messed up too! Sorry that happened to you but glad to see that someone else is having issues as well

michant · November 2012

Ladynikon:
Your dad will have plenty of time to bond with the new baby. Don't stress over him not seeing the baby fresh out of the womb. My grandfather ( so i was told) wouldn't pick me up for the first few months. i was a weeee lass. I was only 3lbs and 6ozs. My grandmother was heart broken he said but he just couldn't handle holding something so tiny. You have to remember back in their time. The fathers sat in the waiting room telling stories and passing out cigars.

True hopefully this is the reason and not a current wife whos afraid to have him sitting next to his ex-wife in the hospital waiting room

michant · November 2012

mabenner1:

It isn't like he can be in the OR anyway. I don't see the big deal.

well when you struggle with infertility it makes it all the more special to have a baby and you just figure that those close to you who have seen the struggle would want to be there to share in the special day

Meli B · November 2012

In my case my mom always goes to the hospital and waits in the waiting room while I deliver...my dad on the other hand prefers to wait at home and goes in once baby is born. Everyone is different so don't let it get you down.

choppinbroccoli22 · November 2012

I'm sorry that you were hurt by your father's bowing out.

When our first was born, my father waited until I flew with her out to see him, 2 months later. He is an adoring father and grandfather, but did not think it was a good idea to plan a visit to see us sooner. Same with #2, he's kinda waiting until the dust settles, it seems, before he's planning to fly out here.

When I was born, as an unscheduled c-section back when they did not allow dads in the room, he paced his thighs raw in the waiting room. He was nervous as nervous could be. It's hard for some people, maybe especially men, to be at the scene.

michant · November 2012

Thanks everyone for your comments. Its been an emotional day of surging hormones.

NicoleWI · November 2012

I don't get why you think he should be there?? My parents will be coming to visit sometime after we have the baby, same as before, even though this time may be a c-section. Then again, I don't understand the "family waiting in the delivery room" thing at all no matter what. I am fine w/ calling after the baby arrives. I don't even WANT any visitors for the first few hours as I want to BF the baby, eat, get cleaned up, rest a little, and bond w/ baby and DH. There's no WAY I want to have visitors coming in immediately.

michant · November 2012

hocus:

My father wasn't as either of my deliveries and generally is not close to my kids. Shrug. It doesn't crush me. It is a bit sad. In the end you own your happiness. Your child will fill your life with love and challenges. It doesn't matter if your father is involved a lot, a little or not at all.

now thats the best damn comment I've had all day-Thank you

mben1119 · November 2012

michant:
mabenner1:

It isn't like he can be in the OR anyway. I don't see the big deal.

well when you struggle with infertility it makes it all the more special to have a baby and you just figure that those close to you who have seen the struggle would want to be there to share in the special day

Him not being super excited to be there while you're cut open doesn't mean he won't be a loving and doting grandfather. Some people just don't "do" newborns. They make many people nervous and uncomfortable.

ETA: I'm sorry you struggled to get pregnant, but infertility doesn't make your pregnancy, delivery, or baby any more important than anyone elses.

michant · November 2012

mabenner1:
michant:
mabenner1:

It isn't like he can be in the OR anyway. I don't see the big deal.

well when you struggle with infertility it makes it all the more special to have a baby and you just figure that those close to you who have seen the struggle would want to be there to share in the special day

Him not being super excited to be there while you're cut open doesn't mean he won't be a loving and doting grandfather. Some people just don't "do" newborns. They make many people nervous and uncomfortable.

ETA: I'm sorry you struggled to get pregnant, but infertility doesn't make your pregnancy, delivery, or baby any more important than anyone elses.

never said it made my situation more important than yours or anyone elses just more special for me personally -guess you wouldnt get it unless you've been there

caseylynw · November 2012

my dad is non-existant but my grandfather is excited to meet the new baby. Obviously he was never allowed in the delivery room when his daughters were born so I decided to play a trick and tell him i really wanted him in the delivery room with me. I've never seen him so white and shaky before in my life lol!!

jobiann · November 2012

I don't really care when our parents get there, we've asked my Mom to be in the delivery room with us but really the only person I care about being there is DH and the doctor!

I guess after reading your post my first thought is just because we are having babies, doesn't mean that every one around us drops everything they are doing to swoon over us. But that is just my opinion!

laurakaz13 · November 2012

michant:
mabenner1:

It isn't like he can be in the OR anyway. I don't see the big deal.

well when you struggle with infertility it makes it all the more special to have a baby and you just figure that those close to you who have seen the struggle would want to be there to share in the special day

Uhhh, I struggled with infertility and the only person I wanted at my delivery was my husband. I think there must be more to this. You're having surgery. You'll need to recover. It's not easy after giving birth. You won't necessarily want anyone there afterwards.

He will have plenty of time to be there for your child. Personally, I have zero interest in sitting at the hospital while anyone else is delivering their baby. I'll come to visit the next day, but otherwise I have zero interest in bothering them on delivery day.

sugargal · November 2012

I see the OP's point of view and it may not be about him being there physically but maybe you are wanting the support of him more than anything, emotionally. No, he can't be there in the OR and no, he can't be there maybe right after the birth. Maybe just have a talk with him and feel supported by him more than anything. That''' make you feel better and more sure of him not being there.

Kingston54 · November 2012

Maybe he doesn't realize how important it is to you.

thehauffamily · November 2012

I'm sorry he won't be there. I do understand your disappointment. With my first my parents were there from the moment my water broke (it broke at their house) till the moment he was born! IDK what I would do without them. My parents (both of them) were there with our second also. They brought our son in before my procedure and stayed a few hours after I was out of recovery to see the new baby. This one they will be doing the same.

They will have both our kids this time and will be there before the procedure (I told them to wait at the hotel and let the kids wake up and eat, but they insisted on being there before and after I get out of surgery). We are a VERY close knit family. We will have cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and great-grandparents there to see her for the first time. I love it that way.

But, if you are really wanting him there then I would voice your concern before your c/s. I really do understand your disappointment, my MIL wasn't there for our first to be born, and I felt like she didn't want to be there for her son and her grandchild. BUT, my husband has an AMAZING support system from my side of the family!

After you voice your concern to your dad, if he doesn't want to be there still, then I would just concentrate on the positive of all of your other family being there. That day will so crazy, and you will be in such awe of your baby that your dad not being there, might be the furthest thing from your mind, especially when all your other family is there beaming and awing over your new LO.

I hope your dad changes his mind and you get the birth experience you've always wanted.

byrne15 · November 2012

I had a scheduled c-section with ds#2. There was actually a viewing room to watch the c-section and see the baby born. My mom, son, SIL, FIL and DH's grandmother all came to watch.

My dad, who lives across the street from the hospital didn't come (he was at work anyway). It is just not really his thing and he came later that day to see the baby.

When ds#1 was born, my mom waited in the waiting room and my dad came later as well. Sometimes it is just different for guys...they figure 2 minutes old, 2 hours old...same difference.

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