money and saving & and stuff

BzeetyD · November 2012

This is more of a rant than a question but I'm open to hearing others rant.

I feel like for these 3 past years we've been living in the clutch of IF treatment costs and it's very difficult. The feeling is like living with a very low ceiling that's apply pressure or something.

Now that we're looking down the path to adoption or donor egg, that ceiling gets even lower as we need to save/prepare for another potentially more expensive option.

Any extra money that might come in has already been claimed for this purpose and well, it's getting a bit old.

I feel the same way about my days off at work, even starting a new year fresh, but that's another rant.

In both cases, nothing can be wasted, or used for anything frivolous.

Thanks for listening.

Does anyone care to co-miserate or have ideas to help ease the feeling?

DoublePortion · November 2012

I'm sorry you're feeling this pressure. IF is like Pac-Man...just gobbling up everything (money, time, energy) in it's path. I wish I could help, but I have no advice that is actually useful!

katt3233 · November 2012

It's so hard. That's the main issue now between DH and I. He's ready to walk away completely. He thinks our lives have been on hold and we haven't enjoyed our lives or enjoyed living since we started down this IF path.

I can't blame him, it's true. And this year we've gotten pg twice and it ended in surgery both times, which further leans to his side to just walk away.

It's just so hard to know when to quit and when to keep going.

At one point, I want to be done and just live our lives, travel, and get back to really enjoying things. In the next moment, I see a baby and I can't imagine giving up on my dream.

It feels like we've spent so much money, time and energy and gotten nowhere. It's weighing on us, and its so frustrating.

Edwina.McDunnough · November 2012

Some people come out better than others, but for those with complex issues it's just brutal in so many ways that not a lot of people, even other IFers, can comprehend. I'm sorry you're stuck in that place and I'm even more sorry that you're not alone.

Scoop77 · November 2012

Let's start a gang of infertile bank robbers. You can be our Billy the Kid. I will be Doc Holiday or whoever it was that hung out with Billy the Kid. In related news, Val Kil.mer used to be really hot! He is now not so hot.

But, seriously, I am with you a million percent. We just bought a house, too, for the kids we don't have, so it's even stress-ier around these parts. The house has turned out to be a black hole that eats money, which now makes two things (that and IVF) threatening to hurl us into financial peril.

I have no advice for you but I'm hoping that scrimping will prepare us for the sacrifices involved in taking care of a child, a child who will likely grow up to have no respect for the amount of money it took to bring him/her into the world. I will remind him/her, though. Oh, will I ever.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Scoop77:
Let's start a gang of infertile bank robbers. You can be our Billy the Kid. I will be Doc Holiday or whoever it was that hung out with Billy the Kid. In related news, Val Kil.mer used to be really hot! He is now not so hot.
But, seriously, I am with you a million percent. We just bought a house, too, for the kids we don't have, so it's even stress-ier around these parts. The house has turned out to be a black hole that eats money, which now makes two things (that and IVF) threatening to hurl us into financial peril.
I have no advice for you but I'm hoping that scrimping will prepare us for the sacrifices involved in taking care of a child, a child who will likely grow up to have no respect for the amount of money it took to bring him/her into the world. I will remind him/her, though. Oh, will I ever.

Scoops - where are you located? We should seriously hang out... and semi-seriously consider this bank robbing career change thing. I'm not a big horse fan though, so either I can ride a wicked-witch-of-the-west type bicycle or maybe I can score a segway. I'll be slow but effective. Also I can screenprint us our own bandanas to wear. So at least we'll be hipster cool.

I'm sorry about the house thing. It's hard. We are waiting to move until we have our child. Same with a car upgrade (though both of ours are carseat eager).

----

The $ thing for us specifically is that we can afford it (and I am very VERY thankful for that) but we're totally OOP, as I think many many women on this forum are - it just makes everything moving forward/the actual progress of moving forward so challenging and this domineering ceiling makes planning feel pointless.

annalisel · November 2012

BzeetyD:
In both cases, nothing can be wasted, or used for anything frivolous.
Thanks for listening.
Does anyone care to co-miserate or have ideas to help ease the feeling?

Oh yeah. We've had to turn down invites to point where we're not getting invited out as much anymore. And - I want a vacation that doesn't involve visiting family so incredibly badly.

What we've been doing is allocating small amounts of money specifically for inexpensive but still frivolous things.

The other thing that I find helps when I'm under stress is having something to look forward to. Planning something fun several weeks or several months allows me to enjoy the anticipation in a addition to the treat itself.

I'm sorry it's getting to you too.

DoublePortion · November 2012

BzeetyD:
The $ thing for us specifically is that we can afford it (and I am very VERY thankful for that) but we're totally OOP, as I think many many women on this forum are - it just makes everything moving forward/the actual progress of moving forward so challenging and this domineering ceiling makes planning feel pointless.

I didn't comment on the financial aspect earlier because I'm in a similar situation as the above. I'm OOP and if DH and I had hope that another round of IVF would work, we'd be able to work it out financially. I am truly grateful that I can say that, but the issue is at what cost? We purchased our current home 2 yrs ago when we first started TTC (we thought we needed a "family home") and the housing market was crap so we couldn't get enough $$ for our old home to be worth it to sell it. If the old one doesn't have renters in it then we're stuck paying that mortgage too. So, we could go get a loan or spend our savings for another IVF, but then if we don't have renters we would be screwed. We've both worked so hard to get where we are financially that we're scared to throw it all away on a gamble (20% according to my RE). Lately I've struggled with knowing what the right thing to do is. A child has so much more value than money does and I don't want to look back 20 years from now and say I wish I would have spent everything for the opportunity to have a child. But the flip side is I don't want to spend everything, still end up childless, and say I wish I would have not wasted it and instead enjoyed traveling or whatever else life has to offer. I don't know if I've adequately expressed myself or this makes any sense, but I guess I'm trying to say I understand where you're coming from. No matter how you slice it IF SUCKS!!

Sophistikitty · November 2012

I completely hear you. We opted out of DH?s family gift exchange (gift limit of $100 each) and stopped buying for all the nieces and nephews. That move pretty well ostracized us from the rest of his family at family gatherings. The last few Christmas Eves I've wished I was invisible while everyone was opening their gifts.

Although DH is amazing at selecting gifts for me, we haven?t given each other anything in over two years (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas). You?re right it does get old and somehow it just adds to the black cloud.

Sophistikitty · November 2012

DoublePortion:
BzeetyD:
The $ thing for us specifically is that we can afford it (and I am very VERY thankful for that) but we're totally OOP, as I think many many women on this forum are - it just makes everything moving forward/the actual progress of moving forward so challenging and this domineering ceiling makes planning feel pointless.
I didn't comment on the financial aspect earlier because I'm in a similar situation as the above. I'm OOP and if DH and I had hope that another round of IVF would work, we'd be able to work it out financially. I am truly grateful that I can say that, but the issue is at what cost? We purchased our current home 2 yrs ago when we first started TTC (we thought we needed a "family home") and the housing market was crap so we couldn't get enough $$ for our old home to be worth it to sell it. If the old one doesn't have renters in it then we're stuck paying that mortgage too. So, we could go get a loan or spend our savings for another IVF, but then if we don't have renters we would be screwed. We've both worked so hard to get where we are financially that we're scared to throw it all away on a gamble (20% according to my RE). Lately I've struggled with knowing what the right thing to do is. A child has so much more value than money does and I don't want to look back 20 years from now and say I wish I would have spent everything for the opportunity to have a child. But the flip side is I don't want to spend everything, still end up childless, and say I wish I would have not wasted it and instead enjoyed traveling or whatever else life has to offer. I don't know if I've adequately expressed myself or this makes any sense, but I guess I'm trying to say I understand where you're coming from. No matter how you slice it IF SUCKS!!

Totally relate to this! We are already thinking about contingency plans in case our upcoming DE cycle is a bust. What happens if it is BFN? What happens if we have no frosties? Putting out that kind of money again is a very scary thought. I am just not sure if it would be prudent for us to financially take that risk again. You said it best DoublePortion, IF SUCKS!!!

liz4paws · November 2012

I hear ya!

IF is such a horrible, dark feeling in itself. But when we've faced IF decisions with massive amount of money at stake, it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I feel a knot in my gut that takes the IF hell to another level. It upsetting to know how much we all have to sacrifice financially just to get to the startling line that everyone else gets to begin at for free. It's crazy to me that I look at our DEmbryo FET as a "great price" at only $5,000. I have to take a step back once and a while and be in awe that I think forking out $5,000 for "just a chance" at something is great price. IF really changes your perspective!

And furthermore, it makes me absolutely livid when I hear about people neglecting and/or abusing their children - children that I can pretty much guarantee they didn't pay tens of thousands of dollars to create (on top of the obvious reasons.)

Scoop77 · November 2012

BzeetyD:
Scoop77:
Let's start a gang of infertile bank robbers. You can be our Billy the Kid. I will be Doc Holiday or whoever it was that hung out with Billy the Kid. In related news, Val Kil.mer used to be really hot! He is now not so hot.
But, seriously, I am with you a million percent. We just bought a house, too, for the kids we don't have, so it's even stress-ier around these parts. The house has turned out to be a black hole that eats money, which now makes two things (that and IVF) threatening to hurl us into financial peril.
I have no advice for you but I'm hoping that scrimping will prepare us for the sacrifices involved in taking care of a child, a child who will likely grow up to have no respect for the amount of money it took to bring him/her into the world. I will remind him/her, though. Oh, will I ever.
Scoops - where are you located? We should seriously hang out... and semi-seriously consider this bank robbing career change thing. I'm not a big horse fan though, so either I can ride a wicked-witch-of-the-west type bicycle or maybe I can score a segway. I'll be slow but effective. Also I can screenprint us our own bandanas to wear. So at least we'll be hipster cool.
I'm sorry about the house thing. It's hard. We are waiting to move until we have our child. Same with a car upgrade (though both of ours are carseat eager).
----
The $ thing for us specifically is that we can afford it (and I am very VERY thankful for that) but we're totally OOP, as I think many many women on this forum are - it just makes everything moving forward/the actual progress of moving forward so challenging and this domineering ceiling makes planning feel pointless.

Shhh! It's a secret! I will PM you. Though I'm not sure my personal details require this level of mystery. I'm also certain that anyone with the technological expertise of your average first-grader could find out my address, shoe size and the name of my first boyfriend. But I enjoy the charade of privacy.

Anyway, I really like this Segway idea. The getaways will admittedly be slow but I think that's OK. If the cops catch us, I will just start crying. It's gotten me out of speeding tickets before so I'm pretty sure it will work with robbing banks, too.

luvboston · November 2012

I feel you for once in the last two years I would like to see a credit card bill less than $1000 and without infertility charges. I want to do what I love but have given it up.

zazu13 · November 2012

IVF has ruled our finances for the last two years, so I completely hear ya. We have had several tear filled fights over it as well. I used to be very black and white about everything. Examples: We CAN'T spend any extra money, because we need it ALL for IVF. We have to save EVERY penny for treatment so we have to forgo vacations, birthday gifts, etc.

I've relaxed a little, though, because I realize at the end of this there may or may not be a baby (I defninitely hope and feel that there will be,though), but we will have one another and I don't want to look back on this time and feel that we completely missed out on life as a result.

So, while most of our money is going toward IVF, we still splurge here and there. We recently made the decision to do a cash out refi on our home. The amount we were taking out was enough for a complete cycle and wasn't effecting our overall payment at all. Instead of using it for IVF, we are paying off student loans. Student loans will be gone forever which is a good feeling and it frees up more monthly money to pay as we go for IVF. Best of luck!

money and saving & and stuff

Re: money and saving &amp; and stuff

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

money and saving &amp; and stuff

Re: money and saving &amp;amp; and stuff

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

money and saving & and stuff

Re: money and saving & and stuff