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Postpartum Depression
christinasullie37
member
Failure
christinasullie37
member
I feel like such a failure to my child. First by body failed me by not being able to have a vaginal birth, then it did it again when I couldn't BF, and now I feel like I have failed my LO. She looks at me with such disgust sometimes. It seems like I can never do anything right by her.
To make matters worse she has Acid Reflux disease and cries non stop. I am trying the best I can to make her feel better it is never enough. I am to the point that I find myself wondering how crazy was I to allow myself to get pregnant. I hate myself so much for this!!!
Yes, I am on meds and I am getting ready to contact a therapist as well. Does it ever go away, the feeling of being a failure?
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Re: Failure
I'm going to preface this by saying that while I haven't had a baby yet, I've seen my sister and my best friend go through PPD. I know it's not the same thing as experiencing it for myself, and I hope I'm not overstepping any lines here. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and am already worried about how I'll deal with it after I have my baby.
You're not a failure to your child. You carried her for your entire pregnancy, and it doesn't matter to her if she came out vaginally or through a C-section. All that matters is that you were there, and that you were one of the first voices she heard. Also, don't beat yourself up over not being able to breast feed. A lot of women can't, for various reasons. My oldest nephew was born with a severe milk allergy, and my best friend couldn't produce enough milk on her own. These things happen, but they don't make you any less of a mother or any less of a woman.
As for the Acid Reflux, have you spoken with your daughter's doctor about it? There are probably medications that can help with it.
As far as I see it, becoming a mother for the first time is like starting any other new job - you can't know everything straight out of the gate. You've never been a mother before, and your daughter's never been a baby before. You're both learning what works and what doesn't. Try not to be too hard on yourself, and don't be afraid to ask family or friends for help.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I am so sorry. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
I also had a surprise c-section. Mine was because I developed HELLP and my son's heart rate kept dropping. It was really hard for me to deal with. I never ever thought I would have a c. I've translated my anger into hope for a VBAC the next time around.
I stopped bfing after 9 weeks because my son was diagnosed with a dairy/soy allergy and I just could not keep up with the diet. I still feel crazy guilt about it but my baby is happy. healthy and being fed. I telly myself that I will work harder next time.
If your baby is not feeling better with the AR meds ask for a different kind or a higher rx. There is NO reason why your baby should suffer.
Have you tried speaking to a professional? You are in no way a failure but the first few months are so hard and sometimes speaking to someone trained in PPD can work wonders. I got a rec from my OB. And lastly, if you aren't opposed to taking something, Zoloft literally saved my from the PPD abyss.
GL with everything. I hope you start to feel better soon!
And as for bfing the best advice I was given was by my best friend and she said "if I do it I do if I don't I don't". I think our society today is putting so much pressure for us to be perfect Moms when in reality there is absolutely no such thing. You do what you can for you daughter which the number one best thing you can do is take care of yourself first and foremost. Not in a selfish way but if you aren't healthy you won't be able to give your daughter the care she needs!