- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Ginlyn0
member
How do you handle gifts for extended family (like nieces, nephews)
Ginlyn0
member
I wanted to see how others handled gifts for extended family. In my family and DH's family, we only buy for the kids and then usually for our parents. No other adults get gifts. Do you buy for everyone, draw names, use another method? I am just wondering because several years ago we started drawing names in my family for the kids and there have been several squabbles over how the drawing is done, how many kids everyone gets, ect.
One year, we split by how many kids you had. One year my parents wanted to be included in the drawing because they were low on funds and couldn't afford to buy for everyone. We split evenly one year except there were 2 extra kids so my sister and I each took one extra kid. I honestly don't feel it's even worth the hassle to draw names. We buy for all the nieces and nephews on DH's side. Do any of you have a method that works for your family?
DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you handle gifts for extended family (like nieces, nephews)
On my side, we set a limit for parents, siblings, significant others, and nieces/nephews (though, DD is the only niece). This year, it's $50 for adults and $20 for kids.
On DH's side, his grandparents give $100 to each person present at Christmas dinner. His parents don't have much money, so they get a few things for their grandkids and leave it at that. His brother doesn't have much money, so he usually gets something small for SS. We spend the same on DH's parents and brother as we do my parents and siblings - this year, the $50 limit. DH usually goes a little bit over our limit because he picks up last minute items that he really thinks his family will like. He also gives him stuff he's no longer using, luxury items per se. He feels bad that he has stuff that his family can't afford.
My family used to have a theme to keep things small. We've done an ornament, book exchange and homemade gifts recently to try and scale back. Finally, this year we decided that we're done exchanging gifts for adults and we're going to an optional, kid's only gifts. But, between my three siblings I only have one niece and one nephew.
When I was growing up, my mom's family used to draw names for all kids under 18. I HATED this because somehow my name always got drawn by relatives who didn't know what was age-appropriate. I can still remember Christmas when I was 12 that I got a sweat shirt with a puffy-painted Santa and reindeer and my siblings got electronic toys
Could your family move to each family unit receiving one gift? You could still keep it small by giving a family DVD's and popcorn, or 1-2 board games, or passes to a local attraction, etc. That way everyone still feels involved in the gift-giving, but its still mostly kid-focused.
We've done Christmas presents many different ways - but always someone isn't happy. I have 10 nieces/nephews on my side, plus my 3 kids.
When we did Pollyanna - we picked a name for every child we had (so I would currently pick 3 names). But - that didn't work - people complained that some didn't spend the same amount as others.
Now we buy for all the children and we spend about $10 per child. We call them stocking stuffer type gifts. I do not buy my siblings anything. I spend about $50 on each of my parents (they are divorced). Also, in our family each godparent buys their godchild an ornament. So each child should get 2 ornaments every Christmas. I spend about $15 - $20 per ornament.
My Dad spends $100 per grandchild and $150 per couple - my Mom gets each child a small gift.
On DH's side - we only have his 1 sister - 1 niece, 1 nephew. So we spend about $40 for each child. We spend about $50 on his parents and about $50 on his grand mom. We do not buy a gift for his sister.
We have done things this way for 3 years now and it has caused the least amount of problems among my siblings!
We only buy for the kids and our parents. For the kids we do $15-20 gifts and for our parents we try to keep it around $50. This year we are doing a little more for my mom but her birthday is right after Christmas so we are making it a combination gift and it will be $70 total because we are splitting it between the 3 siblings.
For extended family we do a Chinese Christmas at my grandmother's house and everyone that wants too can participate.
For DH's family we always get grandma something but since DH's parent have both passed we just make homemade goodies for his aunts and uncles.
My side: I get gifts for my aunt, uncle and two cousins
DH's side: BIG family - eight aunts and uncles all together. They do a drawing at the Fourth of July every year. Kids draw other kids names, adults draw other adults names. We have had sibs draw sibs names, and it's fine.
I don't understand how you'd fairly divvy up kids to adults if the ratios aren't the same.
We normally spend 10 ish per kid on dh's side because there's a to. Of kids and we don't see them often/have much of a relationship with them. On my side there are only two my niece and nephew so we spend 2030, we also see these kids three or four times a week.
There are only 5 kids total on DHs side (3 being ours) and everyone buys for all of the kids.
On my side everyone goes into a big gift exchange (both kids and adults) so each person draws one name to buy for. But most of us are looking to cut our Christmas budget a bit this year, so were thinking of doing a kids only drawing and leaving the adults out all together. All of us being in a $20 drawing with both sides of my family comes out to spending $200 in gifts, it's just getting to be too much.
I'm not sure how to work it. My sister just basically handed the thing over to me this year because I asked her about it because my brother's FI asked me about it last week. She was like you can do the drawing this year and I will take 4. She's the one that wanted to start drawing several years ago because at that time I had 4 kids, my brother had 3 and she had 2 so she felt overwhelmed buying for 7 kids. So the first year my brother was broke so we split it like this: my brother -2; my sister-4 (she essentially took a kid my brother should have bought for); and I bought for 3. Then my brother had another kid (made 4 for him) so that made 10 kids and that's the year my parents wanted to split so we split this way: my brother- 2; my parents-2; my sister- 3; me- 3. Then we had DS so there were 11 kids and we split it this way: my brother- 3; my sister- 4; me- 4. So then my brother had a baby this year so there are 12 kids which if split equally is 4 kids.
I look it it like this and maybe I'm wrong. If we weren't drawing, I would buy for 7 kids on my side of the family (my brother's 5 & my sister's 2), my brother would buy for 7 (my sister's 2 and my 5) and my sister would be buying for 10 kids (my 5 and my brother's 5).
Part of the reason we insisted on continuing to buy for nieces and nephews was because my brother's kids don't always get much for Christmas anyway. So really, the drawing thing benefits her the most monetarily and usually my brother next because we overcompensate for him and his constant lack of income. Which I'm fine with but even though she usually does the drawing and the splitting, I guess I don't understand what the deal is but she seems to get huffy about it every year. I actually would care less if she said she couldn't afford to buy for my kids and did not buy at all. However, now she was being passive aggressive at me by handing it over to me and then saying she would buy for 4 like she doesn't trust me not to give her more than what he have done historically. On her DH's side, they don't buy for the nieces and nephews, they do a huge secret santa type thing.
I was content with buying for all my neices and nephews before (even if some years I bought them something small because we were tight on funds, they would still get something.) Now I feel like I'm stuck with something she came up with and then dumped on me because she doesn't like it anymore.
DH and I have 15 nieces and nephews all together (this includes my other sister's kids who is estranged from my family & all of DH's niecs and nephews). So buying for 12 of them versus 15 of them is not much difference to us. Yet somehow, my sister makes me feel like we are evil for having more kids than her when it comes to Chrstmas time. Last year I bought 12 kids around $240 and that was buying the teenagers stuff at AE and Hollister by shoping 2 for 1 sales and using online discounts and limiting to $20 per kid. Each year, I have gotten better at saving and yet still getting everyone something they want.
I just hate having to deal with this. Like I said, I would rather just buy for them all and either they can buy for my kids or not.
On DH's side, when there were only two, we spent $50-$100 on each child. Now there are seven (going on eight!) -- 2, 3, 2. We each spend $30-$45 per child. I base all gifts on DH's oldest goddaughter's gift. I buy/spend the most for her and everyone gets a % of that. As the babies get older, I will spend the same as the others.
Example:
SIL's family: GD#1 $50. Her brother: $40. The baby: $30
BIL's family: Niece: $40. GD#2 (toddler) $30
Now my brother is having a baby. This messes with my system. He and his gf are broke so I will probably overcompensate for them and spend as much as GD#1. As GD#2 gets older, her amount will equal GD#1.
We also buy for MIL/SFIL, my mom and dad, FIL/SMIL, and DH's grandparents. I spend $50-$75 on MIL/SFIL and my mom and dad and then $30-$40 on FIL/SMIL and DH's grandparents. We do not buy for DH's siblings or my brother. I buy for my sister because she always buys for my SSs and I think its only fair that she receive something as well.
I wish we drew names in DH's family but that won't happen.
Christmas is a breeze compared to the gifting chaos at Easter. I have 15-19 children's baskets/gifts to buy/prepare. I spend $10-$15/child on that which I dread because it is a nightmare.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
My side of the family is really small, so we do fairly standard gift exchange stuff. My sisters buy things for my kids and my kids make gifts for them.
With MH's side, he has 3 siblings who have a total of ten kids. To keep things low maintenance, we just rotate families to buy for... so this year we are buying for my SIL's 3 kids, and my BIL's family is buying for our kids. There's no gift exchange between the adults at all.
Agree. I think it's weird that if you have five kids receiving gifts, you somehow only have to buy four gifts.
That's the whole thing, I don't know why exactly she has split it the way she has before. She has always just texted us the names we are to buy for. I don't really see it like a school type exchange where I'm buying a gift in exchange for a gift. I look at it as buying for my nieces or nephews and when my sister decided to start the drawing she limited my purchases. Last year my nephew (my brother's oldest) was also living with me so we would have been responsible for buying 6 gifts in that scenario? For us, I would still prefer just to buy the 3 extra gifts than deal with this drawing junk, but it would be 6 more gifts for my sister to buy without it. I just don't like being stuck with something she started when I don't even like it to begin with.
My brother and I decided a few years back to not buy for each other or spouses and only buy for the kids. We also buy for my Mom and she buys for everyone which is not fair but she wants to.
In your situation I would have each kid draw another kid, so if you have three kids you buy three gifts for other kids. If your parents want to join the drawing then their names get entered intot he drawing too. So every person that is entered into the drawing picks someone. If the reason for drawing names is to keep it down and make it fair then it is not fair for a family of 5 kids to get 5 presents and only have to buy 1 or 2 gifts.
Send her and your brother an email and give options - each person draws a name for the amount of kids they have, buy for all kids, or skip gifts completely. If no one gives you an answer then tell them they do not get to complain.
I guess I don't get how many kids you have and why you had "extra".
In our family, the adults exchange names and then all of us go in and buy our parents one large gift with the money we pool. We are all adult enough to know not everyone can afford to give the same amount and we all respect each other's ability to give. So basically, no one shows off, and no one is made to feel bad if they can't dish out as much as everyone else. It was for us.
There are only 6 grandkids, so all the kids give gifts to all of the kids. It's easy for us. When I was younger however I had 25 cousins. So we'd exchange names and each kid got one name.
The extra I am referring to is this: If my sister assigned me 4 kids and I only have 7 nieces and nephews (on that side) then the difference is 3. Meaning there are only 3 kids I am not buying for, however if I buy for just those 3 "extra" kids, then I am buying for everyone... and in the case of buying for the # of kids I have that means I buy for all my nieces and nephews except 2 (7-5=2). That's why the drawing thing doesn't really help me any because I would rather buy for all at that point because then only 2 don't get gifts from me.
And I understand what PP are saying about it's not fair that someone who only buys a few gifts and has a family that gets 5 but with my brother that's always been the case because he hasn't had a real job in like 7 years and I don't think it's fair to punish my nieces and nephews for their father's inability to hold down a job.
This. As for your brother not being able to afford to buy for 5 cousins, his children could make a gift or lower the gift limit.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!