Considering a Natural Birth, but few are supportive

Annaeliz84 · November 2012

I'm new to this board. Over the last few weeks I've started seriously thinking about trying to go natural when I deliver in March. There are a few issues I feel that are going to make it difficult.

1) There are no midwife practices anywhere nearby. We live in the 'burbs and as one doctor at my OB's office put it "out here everyone gets an epidural." His one-size-fits-all attitude really turned me off, but every other OB practice in the area seems to be the same.

2) We don't have the money to hire a doula.

3) We do not live near my family but we see my husband's family all the time. His mother and sisters always say "there is no reason not to get an epidural in this day and age." My husband may or may not agree with them. He's not sure yet.

Here is where I get confused:

We live near a wonderful hospital with private, state-of-the-art birthing rooms. I really want to deliver there but I'm sure I'll feel pressure to get an epidural. I'm so conflicted because I've read and heard such opposing points of view on the issue of epidurals. My gut is telling me to go natural. It may be that I'm more terrified of needles than of pain, but I'm afraid that I'll cave under pressure. I don't want to go to a birthing center. I know it's possible to go natural in a hospital without a midwife or a doula. I know it's possible because I hear of people doing it all the time! I just need to be prepared. So how do I get prepared?

These are my big questions:

1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural?

2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up?

3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha.

Sorry for the long post! I appreciate any and all help. Thanks

laurenann82 · November 2012

Have you watched The Business of Being Born? You and your husband should both watch it. It will make sense to you and help you with the language and facts to explain your decisions, and your husband will hopefully be convinced after seeing it. I mean it's a documentary supporting natural birth so there is a definite bias but if you're already thinking you want to go this route then the info will just back up your ideas. She also has a follow-up series of shorter documentaries, one of them is about the range of natural birth options. That one helped me decide to go to a birthing center within a hospital, but they also talk about how to have a low intervention birth within a hospital.

My other piece of advice is to stop talking about your birth plans with people who aren't supportive. It's none of their business. You can be nice about it, maybe just be vague and not give any details? Or I might even flat out lie to them just to shut them all up. Are any of them going to be in the room with you when you deliver? The only other person you need to worry about it your husband.

mattdk06 · November 2012

The Business of Being Born helped me convince my husband that NB is a good idea. Many of my friends think I'm crazy, so I've only been talking about it with those who are supportive.

You might want to ask your doctor about your options. Some practices are a surprisingly pro-NB (I didn't expect mine to be). Keep in mind that you don't have to consent to an epidural or anything else you're not comfortable. Good luck!

RMama2012 · November 2012

laurenann82:

My other piece of advice is to stop talking about your birth plans with people who aren't supportive. It's none of their business. You can be nice about it, maybe just be vague and not give any details? Or I might even flat out lie to them just to shut them all up. Are any of them going to be in the room with you when you deliver? The only other person you need to worry about it your husband.

I agree! I didn't discuss my plans with anyone and was vague about my responses and was still getting unwanted advice about getting the EPI. I can't imagine if I was honest about what I wanted.

The OB will likely not be around most of your labor and the way I looked at it was that it was my decision if I wanted to go through the pain. I love & trust my male OB but what the hell does he know about birth pain anyway. He knows as much as I did before I gave birth. I know this is flamable but that's how I dismissed his suggestion to get one. FTR my hospital has a 90% epi rate.

I think you need to get your DH on board and maybe take some classes from there on. This board has tons of suggestions for reading material. I read, read, read and then had a supportive MIL the day of. I really liked this website- https://www.lamazedfw.com/What_is_Lamaze.html

AmyRI · November 2012

1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural?

I am still the only woman I know that went natural in my hospital. However, that is not a reflection of the hospital or my OB's attitude about it. The nurses and docs are all supportive of natural birth, but no one chooses to even try. Most women get the epi when they are admitted at 4cm, sit back and wait.
I asked my OB flat out if she had ever suggested a patient get an epi. She said she had, when a woman stalled and was not handling the pain well anymore and was facing a c-section. They started with just an epi, she calmed down and gave birth vaginally. That was a good enough answer for me. I'd ask a lot more questions about specific interventions - when would pitocin be suggested? Under what circumstances would you be induced? What is the induction protocol (ripening first, foley bulb, natural stimulators, AROM, pit, etc.)?

I also think the hospital's attitude is more important. If the nurses are supportive, it goes a long way. I didn't see a doc until I was 8+cm (an hour before I delivered DS). The nurses asked me what my "pain management" plan was when I was admitted, I said no drugs, and they never mentioned it again. They suggested different positions, birthing ball, shower, etc but for the most part just left us alone since we were doing fine. Also ask about policies like IVs, constant vs intermittent fetal monitoring, showers/tubs/birthing balls. My hospital is well-prepared compared to most for patients who want to go natural despite only a small fraction even trying it.

Also, if you go into labor spontaneously and you and your baby are tolerating labor just fine, there's really no need for a doc to suggest meds. Generally speaking, it's willpower that fails women and they cave. I was highly motivated by a fear of needles. I wanted to pass out when they put the hep lock in my hand and I get woozy thinking about a needle in my spine. At no point did labor seem worse than the alternative, so it really never crossed my mind to get the epi.

2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up?

As PPs said, the Business of Being Born presents a lot of good arguments. However, it is very much a one-sided documentary and I've heard it backfire on women who showed it to their husbands since it was just SO slanted. I don't have any really good resources, as I just flat out told my DH I didn't want an epidural and he was on board.

All I had to do was take DH to the hospital's birthing class and have him learn about what the epidural entails. The process of needle insertion (we both dislike needles), have to have a catheter at my hospital, aren't allowed out of bed even if you have control of your legs, can stall labor, can fail in one or both sides, can give you spinal headaches... the culmination of all the little things was enough to make him realize that natural was worth attempting. If I got to the point where I needed the epi to cope, he would be on board, too. But it was going to be my decision, not his.

3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha.

You'll be in so much pain you'll hurt him? Umm, doesn't that mean you're hurting worse? It sounds really selfish to me for anyone to say, "you should get the epi so I don't have to deal with you." YOU are the one pushing a baby out of your body. You get to choose if you want a needle in your spine or drugs in your veins that impair you, or anything else. It doesn't effect his body. Stand up for what you want.

My DH's view was that if I wanted to do the work to go med-free, the least he could do was be supportive. He was a great coach and support and is looking forward to helping me do it again. I didn't traumatize my DH. He got me cold wash cloths, drinks of water, rubbed my back, held my hand... whatever I needed, he did. The worst thing that happened was that I told him (in the thick of transition) that I didn't want to hold hands anymore. That lasted all of 10 minutes and then I wanted him back. I wasn't yelling at him or swearing (although I made plenty of noises I'm sure) and I didn't break his hand or throw things at him.

Good luck!

bornmommy · November 2012

1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural?

Be firm. You cannot be wishywashy this day in age about what you want in the delivery room. I was lucky enough to have a midwife who was totally understanding and said from the get-go not to offer me meds, that if I wanted them I would ask for them. If you have people whispering in your ear and you are not 110% set on trying natural, you will most likely cave. (Sorry but labor hurts and its really hard work... I'm just being honest.)

2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up?

The "hardest" fact for me was that women have been birthing babies for thousands of years without pain meds. There was no real reason to start except to make labor more comfortable but they wouldn't call it labor if it were fun... Plus, when you add in interventions like epis and pitocin, you are increasing the risks of something "funny" happening because its just not natural.

3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha.

The Business of Being Born is a great place to start. You're right, you do really need him on board. You also need everyone in the delivery room on board. One weak link can break the chain. Do you have any friends that have gone through natural labor that he can talk to? Or maybe his mom or grandma or someone he trusts? One of the most motivating things for my husband was talking to women that had delivered naturally. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about my son's birth if you want me to email him! HA!

Good luck, mama! Whatever you and DH decide, remember that nothing should be 100% off the table when it comes to child birth. Always weight the risks and benefits of everything.

pdilly2b · November 2012

I agree with other posters about watching and getting hubby to watch BBB (on Netflix if you have it). You really really need to get him on board. For me, the main reasons I wanted a natural birth were to avoid a c-section (so I wanted to not slow down labor and to push in positions other than on-the-back - so no epi) and to experience the natural flow of hormones that accompanies birth. Can you articulate your main reasons to him and get him to understand?

Natural birth classes would be great if you can access and afford them. One book we read in mine that I loved was "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer. It gives a lot of information about interventions and when they may be needed (and more importantly, when they are not). Also reading birth stories and watching natural birth on video (maybe YouTube... though i haven't looked myself) are helpful to see what you can expect. And Consumer Reports came out with this earlier this year - https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/05/what-to-reject-when-you-re-expecting/index.htm - not all pro-natural birth necessarily, but certainly shows how aspects of it are smart and why and it's certainly a well-regarded source. Anyway, the more info you have and the more info you can get into DH the better. Good luck!

AimnJus917 · November 2012

laurenann82:

Have you watched The Business of Being Born? You and your husband should both watch it. It will make sense to you and help you with the language and facts to explain your decisions, and your husband will hopefully be convinced after seeing it. I mean it's a documentary supporting natural birth so there is a definite bias but if you're already thinking you want to go this route then the info will just back up your ideas. She also has a follow-up series of shorter documentaries, one of them is about the range of natural birth options. That one helped me decide to go to a birthing center within a hospital, but they also talk about how to have a low intervention birth within a hospital.

My other piece of advice is to stop talking about your birth plans with people who aren't supportive. It's none of their business. You can be nice about it, maybe just be vague and not give any details? Or I might even flat out lie to them just to shut them all up. Are any of them going to be in the room with you when you deliver? The only other person you need to worry about it your husband.

This exactly. Watching BOBB was pretty much what made my mind up that I wanted to avoid as many interventions as possible. If your labor is progressing normally then why mess with it only to increase your chances of a C-section? I also read The Official Lamaze Guide which is one of the many books that talks all about how labor and birth are a normal, natural part of life and a woman should not have to be "saved" from it. This philosophy really makes sense to me so there was really no way an OB or nurse could convince me to get an epidural at the time. They did offer and I said to them, I'm handling this just fine, thank you very much! In my experience, the contractions were the easiest part, it was the pushing that was the most painful!! But by then it was too late for an epi. In the end I'm glad I went natural and plan to this time too. Recovery was short and bleeding was minimal (I was down to a light pad after 36 hours.) Hoping for a similar labor this time!!

Props to you for considering natural birth and seeing that an epi is NOT the only option here. The general population (OBs included) need to realize that an epi is not all benefits and no risks. I personally don't think an OB that automatically tells his patients that everyone gets an epi is a very good Dr.

footnotegirl · November 2012

In my opinion, the number one reason to go natural is because it is Your Body and that is how you want to do it so long as it doesn't cause any health issues to yourself or your baby.

Period.

That should be all you need.

I was induced and delivered without epi at a hospital. I was one of only two women that weekend doing childbirth without pain intervention, and the hospital was very supportive of my desires. They made sure that on the day of delivery, I had a nurse who had previously been a midwife and who had a lot of experience with natural childbirth.

But the most important thing was that my husband was on board with me on this totally. He had already been supportive, but we took a full day childbirth parenting class that talked about various pain management techniques, including epidural, and when he saw what was involved with an epidural he looked at me and said "If you dont' want that, we will do everything to make sure you don't get that." Because NEEDLE IN THE BACK AND YOU CAN'T WALK. *shudder* The thought of that freaks me out far more than any level of pain imaginable. Once he was on board and familiar with/practiced with other pain management techniques, it was pretty smooth sailing dealing with the hospital. He totally acted as my doula when I was focussing on what I was going through internally.

Also, yes, your husband is going to have to deal with seeing you in pain. And you know what? For any loving, caring husband? That should be a big deal. Of course he doesn't want to see you in pain. But pain is part of life, and it is part of childbirth, and his being strong enough to be with you through that pain? Is part of what separates the men from the boys. My husband still shudders when he thinks about the 'terrible rictus of pain faces' I made while in transition and pushing stages. But he is so glad he was there, and could support me and encourage me through the hardest work I will ever do.

I would also suggest getting him on the Dads and Dads to be board.

PansyPants · November 2012

1) This is the tough one

Simply put, nobody can do anything to you unless you give consent. You can refuse absolutely anything you don't want and if they don't respect you the most they can do is verbally nag you. If you want to go natural be kind, patient and firm with the hospital staff. Respect that they have a very limited view and are trying to do what THEY believe is best regardless of your perspective. Decline anything you don't want and continue to decline until you have worn them out. It sucks to do that in labor but with a hospital/doctor who isn't supportive that's what you'll have to do.

Talk to your doctor and be blunt and honest. Tell him/her that this is what's right for you and that you may change your mind later but until the time that you say differently, the plan is to go natural.

I can't stress to you that you have all the power in the delivery room. Take the next couple of months to learn all of the scare tactics and become a bullship expert. Trust will need to be earned and not freely given, communicate that to your doctor and make sure he/she knows that you have made up your mind.

2) There are millions of reasons to go natural but I honestly believe that the only one that matters is that you want to. It's very unlikely that you're going to change your doctors mind by showing him medical journals. If he/she hasn't kept up to date on current advisories then a patient showing them to him/her isn't going to do any good.

Same for your in-laws. They're not only coming from a place where society supports their opinion but they're also defending their own choices. Showing them evidence for how they "did it wrong" will not create the air of support.

You'll do best by communicating that this is your choice and that it's what your instincts are saying is best for your body and baby. Be considerate that they made different choices and for them it was what they felt was best. Acknowledge that and create and environment of understanding and encouragement. Hopefully they'll go along and start to respect your choices the way you respect theirs.

3) You need to tell your husband that you need him. Remind him that he's the person in this world that knows you best and more than anything you need him to support your choices. Give him tools to help you, give him tasks to help you manage the pain. Get a book on birth partner massage and teach him some of the techniques, talk to him about how love and trust are the foundation of successful birth.

Also, there's no way you're going to hurt your husband during birth. During birth there's the comfort end and the business end. Invite him to stay on the comfort end with his back to the business. He doesn't need to see anything but your face and hold your hand.

Labor and birth is a lot quieter than it is on tv. I barely spoke and only grunted during pushing. If you're calm and focused (which is needed in order to birth) there won't be any trauma for your husband.

Also, I saw that you said "... that natural is the right decision for us?" it doesn't have to be the right decision for your husband, it has to be the right decision for you. Tell him that he has the right to make different choices for his body and that you support those choices and need him to support the choices you're making for your body. He might choose an epidural but at the end of the day, you're the one that's doing the birthing.

Really talk to your husband about your health and the health of the baby. Make sure to tell him that choosing to not have an epidural doesn't cause harm to the baby and that it doesn't increase the risk of complication. Make sure he realizes that the health of the baby is the most important thing and that you would never make a choice that would risk it's life. Sometimes husbands are worried about that, they can't feel what it is to be pregnant so they don't always understand the devotion to keeping the baby safe that a mother has. They love their baby and want it to be healthy, but if you don't tell him you want that too, he might not know just how intent you are.

That's my long rambling list of suggestions. Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

ellajune2012 · November 2012

pdilly2b:
I agree with other posters about watching and getting hubby to watch BBB (on Netflix if you have it). You really really need to get him on board. For me, the main reasons I wanted a natural birth were to avoid a c-section (so I wanted to not slow down labor and to push in positions other than on-the-back - so no epi) and to experience the natural flow of hormones that accompanies birth. Can you articulate your main reasons to him and get him to understand?
Natural birth classes would be great if you can access and afford them. One book we read in mine that I loved was "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer. It gives a lot of information about interventions and when they may be needed (and more importantly, when they are not). Also reading birth stories and watching natural birth on video (maybe YouTube... though i haven't looked myself) are helpful to see what you can expect. And Consumer Reports came out with this earlier this year - https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/05/what-to-reject-when-you-re-expecting/index.htm - not all pro-natural birth necessarily, but certainly shows how aspects of it are smart and why and it's certainly a well-regarded source. Anyway, the more info you have and the more info you can get into DH the better. Good luck!

I'm just an occasional lurker on this board (active on some of the other boards) but I just want to say THANK YOU for that consumer reports link. It completely confirmed everything I already intuitively thought (and added a few scary things I hadn't thought about) and backed it up with facts.

AmyRI · November 2012

pdilly2b:

And Consumer Reports came out with this earlier this year - https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/05/what-to-reject-when-you-re-expecting/index.htm - not all pro-natural birth necessarily, but certainly shows how aspects of it are smart and why and it's certainly a well-regarded source.

That is a wonderful article. Thanks for posting.

danuli8 · November 2012

Annaeliz84:
1) There are no midwife practices anywhere nearby. We live in the 'burbs and as one doctor at my OB's office put it "out here everyone gets an epidural." His one-size-fits-all attitude really turned me off, but every other OB practice in the area seems to be the same. (My response:) My advice here is to write up a birth plan (or you can call it "birth preferences" if you prefer a more neutral term) and go over it with your OB. I am going natural in a hospital with an OB (and the hospital has an 85% epi rate!!), and I am taking a rough draft of my birth preferences to my 24-week appointment so she and I can go over it together. This way she will know what I want, and if she truly feels something is unreasonable, there is still time for us to find a compromise we can both live with. However, I have been telling her pretty much from our first appointment that I DO NOT want to be induced, that I DO NOT want a c-section, etc. I told her on Monday at my 20-week appointment that I wanted to go natural because I felt it would be better for both the baby and for me. I emphasized how much I would like to be able to get up and walk around soon after delivery. If you want to go natural, one of the top points in your plan should be, "DO NOT OFFER pain medication. If I want it, I will ask for it."
2) We don't have the money to hire a doula. Have you actually talked to any? I don't know where you live, but I am in Ohio and I was shocked at how reasonable the fees were. I interviewed three doulas, and each of them charged only a $500 flat fee for 1-2 pre-labor visits, being there throughout labor and 1-2 hours after delivery for postpartum breastfeeding assistance, and a home visit 1-2 weeks later to make sure all was well. I think that's a terrific value, frankly. I hired one last week. What if you asked family and friends to cover the cost of a doula instead of buying you traditional baby shower gifts? Or how about as a Christmas gift to you? I think a doula would be a tremendous asset who would greatly increase your chances of going natural.
3) We do not live near my family but we see my husband's family all the time. His mother and sisters always say "there is no reason not to get an epidural in this day and age." My husband may or may not agree with them. He's not sure yet. Your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law have NO RIGHT to say ANYTHING about your birthing plans. I would quit talking about it with them. Show your husband The Business of Being Born and have him read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. (We are reading this right now and it is a great book written specifically for husbands and partners.) This book also lists the pros and cons of various drug interventions. Read him the cons on epidurals. They are quite an eye-opener.

1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural? Lots of advance discussion with your OB and a very clear birth plan. And when you call the hospital just before you go in, tell them you are going natural and you want nurses who support NB to be assigned to you.
2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up? BOBB and The Birth Partner are good places to start, but ultimately, the best reason to go natural is "Because it's my body and my baby and that's how I want to give birth."
3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha. I think I already answered this.

julyjennifer · November 2012

footnotegirl:
In my opinion, the number one reason to go natural is because it is Your Body and that is how you want to do it so long as it doesn't cause any health issues to yourself or your baby.
Period.
That should be all you need.
....
Also, yes, your husband is going to have to deal with seeing you in pain. And you know what? For any loving, caring husband? That should be a big deal. Of course he doesn't want to see you in pain. But pain is part of life, and it is part of childbirth, and his being strong enough to be with you through that pain? Is part of what separates the men from the boys.

Everyone has really good things to say. I echo these comments, and want to emphasize that your husband needs to work through his fears about seeing you in pain ahead of time (perhaps gaining knowledge about the birth process so he knows what is normal and ok) so that he can MAN UP and be there for you and the baby. Perhaps framing your need for him to be supportive of your natural birth aspirations in terms of him needing to man up will resonate with him.

Also, I would suggest taking a non-hospital birth class, such as the Bradley Method of natural childbirth. You can learn together, and it won't be a "how to be a good patient" class.

I second watching the Business of Being Born together, and not discussing your plans much with family or other "well-meaning but uninformed" people.

oliversmommy32912 · November 2012

1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural? Do not pick a doctor that does not support your decision to go all-natural. There is no reason they should not support this. If your doctor doesn't support you find a new doctor, even if you have to interview every doctor in town. You do not want a provider that is going to oppose you every step of the way.

2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up? You should not need any facts...just your wanting to have a natural birth should be enough. Watch The Business of Being Born. Read The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. Read some Ina May books. They all have great info on why it is best to have an unmedicated birth.

3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha. This one is a tricky one...With my husband I told him that it was the right decision for me and that it is what's best for the baby. Take a natural birth class together if one is available in your area. Make sure he knows that when you are in transition you will probably ask for an epidural...you might even beg for one...but that just means you're almost done and he should encourage you until the very end. Husbands tend to want to fix things and he will likely want to "fix" your pain. Just make sure he knows that you are not broken and your body is made to give birth vaginally and unmedicated.

Read as many natural birth stories as you can get your hands on. Arm yourself with as much information as possible.

Good luck with getting everyone on board with your decisions! Ultimately just remember it is YOUR birth and if these things are important to you then you should fight to the end to get the birth you want and deserve.

beachcomberbride · November 2012

As so many other's said, watch "The Business of Being Born". I have had very high risk pregnancies, and the first two were totally traditional, hospital settings. HELL ON EARTH. I was on inpatient hospital bed rest for 12 weeks with my second child. The third I started out traditional, and about 3/4 of the way through, switched to a midwife, and ended up having a homebirth (not on purpose, LOL). It was INCREDIBLE.

When/If we get pregnant with another child, we will be having a midwife and be doing a water birth at home.

Get your DH on board with you and then attack the business of telling everyone else. Good luck!

wren444 · November 2012

julyjennifer:

Everyone has really good things to say. I echo these comments, and want to emphasize that your husband needs to work through his fears about seeing you in pain ahead of time (perhaps gaining knowledge about the birth process so he knows what is normal and ok) so that he can MAN UP and be there for you and the baby.

If your husband is going to be your primary support, then I strongly encourage you to address the fears he is expressing directly. Figure out what tools would help him the most (books - The Birth Partner, movies on natural child birth, talking to other dads, a childbirth education class, etc.) and start empowering him. His attitude resounds with lack of confidence and that is a big red flag for me...men are so different, you need to assess if he is the type who will rise to the occasion or if you need to recruit secondary birth support. A supportive friend or a doula in training (contact your local doula organization) may be no-cost alternatives to consider.

I had a friend at my first birth (who didn't have kids yet) who turned out to be invaluable, my partner was as supportive as he knew how to be, but looking back he was scared, lacked confidence and when things got tough (I had a 46 hour labor) he checked out emotionally...granted he was exhausted, which is another reason to have additional support. If you can't count on your OB or the nursing staff to be supportive of the natural birth process, you need your husband or another person who will be your ally.

evelyntaylor · November 2012

Annaeliz84:
These are my big questions:
1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural?
No one can force you to have medication or an epidural. Depending on where you live, the pricing for doula's vary but their rate in helping moms have a natural birth is very high. I would truly consider making this a priority. Also, you will want your husband to be able to advocate for you.
2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up?
I don't know that there really are "hard facts" to going natural. It really is a personal decision and I would just encourage you to read a lot of natural birth stories and finding encouragement here. There are some medical things to consider: most moms recover quickly, push more effectively, and baby will be more alert, however I had an epi and my son was very alert when he was born. But I did push for 2 hours and had a horrible recovery (thank you back labor!).
3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha.
It will be hard for him to watch you in pain, as it is for most husbands, however he will also see how powerful and strong you are which is pretty awesome. Plan on taking a natural childbirth class with him in which you can both become educated together, like Bradley or hypnobabies.
Good luck!
Sorry for the long post! I appreciate any and all help. Thanks

Robi1 · November 2012

I second (third?) the idea to NOT talk about your birthing decisions with people you know won't be supportive. I'd extend that to any pregnancy, parenting, or lifestyle decisions you make. There's no reason for everyone to know what you're doing. I expect to get enough flack from people about obvious things, there's no need to bring private matters to their attention.

Mrs E in Oregon · November 2012

A lot of people have covered a lot of your questions, I'll address the benefits of natural. Some call it "Macho feminism" to insist to do it naturally and say "don't be a hero" or "there are no awards handed out for toughing it out" and to them I say "SHUT UP!"

Because if you can go natural, you are a hero to your baby and your body, the award is an alert baby that takes to breastfeeding better, that doesn't have to recover from drugs in its system. We eat so clean through pregnancy, even avoid things during breastfeeding, so why do we throw that concept away for labor and delivery pumping ourselves and our babies full of drugs? You're less likely to tear or need an episiotomy because you can feel when to push and where that baby needs to go. You can move around your room, help your baby get into position by moving to where is comfortable. You can relax in a birthing pool / tub even at many hospitals, making it possible for you to keep going.

I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and am currently reading Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. These are great books that both shed light on benefits to mom, baby, future babies, bonding, etc. with drug free births.

Ways to naturally (no drug) reduce pain: TENS units, warm baths, massage, acupuncture, meditation, resting between contractions, relaxing your mouth and jaw, low moaning, changing positions, walking, swaying/swiveling hips, being able to trust your care providers, support team and your body.

mexicolombiana · November 2012

Annaeliz84:
I'm new to this board. Over the last few weeks I've started seriously thinking about trying to go natural when I deliver in March. There are a few issues I feel that are going to make it difficult.
1) There are no midwife practices anywhere nearby. We live in the 'burbs and as one doctor at my OB's office put it "out here everyone gets an epidural." His one-size-fits-all attitude really turned me off, but every other OB practice in the area seems to be the same.
2) We don't have the money to hire a doula.
3) We do not live near my family but we see my husband's family all the time. His mother and sisters always say "there is no reason not to get an epidural in this day and age." My husband may or may not agree with them. He's not sure yet.
Here is where I get confused:
We live near a wonderful hospital with private, state-of-the-art birthing rooms. I really want to deliver there but I'm sure I'll feel pressure to get an epidural. I'm so conflicted because I've read and heard such opposing points of view on the issue of epidurals. My gut is telling me to go natural. It may be that I'm more terrified of needles than of pain, but I'm afraid that I'll cave under pressure. I don't want to go to a birthing center. I know it's possible to go natural in a hospital without a midwife or a doula. I know it's possible because I hear of people doing it all the time! I just need to be prepared. So how do I get prepared?
These are my big questions:
1) How can I give birth naturally in a hospital with a doctor who may or may not support my decision to go all-natural?
2) What are the reasons for going natural and where can I find the hard facts to back them up?
3) How can I convince an unsure husband (who I really need to be on board with this) that natural is the right decision for us? He's afraid that I'll be in so much pain I'll hurt him or traumatize him or something, haha.
Sorry for the long post! I appreciate any and all help. Thanks

I really want to answer you because in hindsight these are EXACTLY the things I should have looked into before I attempted to have a birth without pain meds with my first baby at a really nice fancy hospital in Chicago.

I thought that I was a super strong person and could handle the pain. I'm also very loud and opinionated and I thought I could easily just tell the nurses and doctors NO pain meds and they would leave me alone. I thought my husband would support my decision to go without an epi and not mention one. I was wrong on ALL counts. When you're in labor and you're experiencing the worst pain you've ever felt in your life you do not know how you will react! I learned from all my "mistakes" and just went with midwives the next time and got my natural birth.

With my first baby though I had a very unsupportive group of OBs who literally told me that I would not get a prize for having an unmedicated birth. I laughed this off since it was my first baby and I figured I would just "convince" them I could go w/out pain meds. I was SO wrong.

So. To answer your questions. I would actually say to you that it might be very difficult to not cave into getting an epi if people keep offering it to you. I was offered an epi 1,000 times from the moment I walked into the hospital. EVERY damn person I encountered in the hospital, from the moment I checked in offered me an epi. I joked with my husband that if I had run into a janitor in the hallway they would have offered me an epi!

So, I had zero support from the staff. All the nurses thought I was crazy, and the OB rolled her eyes at me and said I should just get the epi. I lasted until I was 8 cm dilated then they broke my water (for no good reason except to hurry things up) and all hell broke loose. I couldn't handle them telling me I didn't have to be in pain. No one was trying to make me feel better and NO one was letting me walk around because of the god *** fetal monitors that were tying me down. So I got the epi. And I shut up, and I was quiet and laying in a bed, and they were all happy. Did I feel better? Sure, I was out of pain, but it wasn't what I wanted. Also if you can help it DO NOT AGREE to constant fetal monitoring. They tie you down and you can't walk around. See if they will intermittently check the heart rate.

So I would warn you that you might not be able to resist if people are not truly supportive of your decision. In my case (with my second birth) I told everyone in the room that they were not to even THINK of offering me an epi. Without mention of one, it really helped!

As far as reasons to go all natural, you really shouldn't have to worry about convincing the staff or other people in your lives of your decision. Screw everyone it's what you want and it's what's best. You will not be in a position to talk about the benefits of a natural birth while you're in labor. You will be focusing on the pain and the labor! If you just make sure the people around you support a natural birth you won't have to explain your reasons to them! So I know you said there are no midwives practices nearby but can you go further away? I cannot stress the importance of going to a midwife instead of an OB (unless your OB is EXTREMELY supportive of natural birth and so is his/her staff). It might be worth a bit of a drive to get the care you want.

As far as convincing my husband went, well he told me he was on board with whatever I wanted to do. However, during transition with my first baby I was a WILD woman. I was screaming in pain and he kept begging me to just get an epi because I was in SO much pain it was driving him nuts. So you really don't know how your hubby will react when you're in so much pain and everyone around you is telling you to get the epi.

With my second baby, I was still in the same amount of pain (if not worse) but the atmosphere of the room was SO much different because the midwife was supportive of my decision and was actually HELPING me cope with the pain and my husband never once doubted by abilities, despite seeing me in pain .

So, I just wanted to say that you sound exactly like I did when I was pregnant with my first, and I cannot stress enough to try and go to midwives who will encourage you and empower you to do a natural birth, instead of an OB and nurses who will mock you for your decision to go all natural. It makes all the difference.

Also just for the record both of my births were great despite the epi with the first (I got the epi so late that I ware pretty much ready to push when I got it), and my second birth was even better. So good luck but don't think that just by saying you want a natural birth or telling your OB and the nurses will be enough, they REALLY have to support you! At least that was the case with me.

Oh and I forgot the MOST important piece of advise: Stay home as long as possible! The less time you're in the hospital, the less likely you'll need an epi! My contractions started at 8:30 a.m. and I lasted all day at home until about midnight, at which point I thought the baby was going to FALL out. Ha. I was still 4 hours from pushing. I think one of the biggest problems is that women go to the hospital way too early which can only lead to bad things- pitocin, epi- c-section, etc. No it doesn't always happen that way, but if you allow yourself to labor at home until you think you can't wait anymore, chances are you'll be able to just deliver the baby in the hospital and not have to be there all day taking up their beds.

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