Twin maternity leave plus toddler?

jadeks1031 · November 2012

We are currently in the process of searching for a nanny to watch our kids (2yo + twins in May or so). Well DH has asked a couple times now if I plan to watch DS while I am on maternity leave. I didn't plan on having the energy to chase him all day while trying to establish a routine with two more but he has asked a couple times now as if implying that he thinks that I should. So, it makes me feel bad that I planned to send him to the sitter while I am home. Does anyone have experience here or advice? I know all of you SAHMs do it every day, but did you also have all of them while you were recovering? TIA!

Dragonfly1226 · November 2012

I know we are a far way off, but I am a SAHM and we don't have any plans to have someone else watch DS after the twins are born. However, my parents will probably stay with us for a week or so to help and dh gets three weeks of paternity leave so it won't be just me right away.

Mrs.Greg · November 2012

I think your LO should get out of the house at least a couple of days a week. My DD1 went to daycare 3 days a week during my entire 5 month maternity leave. There's no way I could have taken care of all three of them all day every day with as little sleep I was getting. My mom and MIL each came over one day a week and DD stayed home those days. My DH only took 3 weeks off after the babies were born so I took care of all night time feedings alone during the week.

kiwi443 · November 2012

I'm a sahm, but I had a lot of family support during the early weeks. If it's financially feasibly to send your son to a sitter, even just a few days per week, I would do it. His whole world is going to be turned upside and keeping that as a constant could be really healthy. Also, it'll be nice for you to have that time just to focus on the twins. Newborn twins are quite a lot of work

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neckrcx2 · November 2012

I sent my DD to the sitter for my whole leave.. It helped so much while the boys were in the NICU. Dont feel bad for sending him. He would probably enjoy getting out of the house and not being home all the time!

HeyLadyloo · November 2012

If you can afford it, I would definitely send your LO to the sitter/daycare especially in the early weeks. I kept my daughter in preschool when my twins were born and it was the only way I could survive. Plus, it was nice for my daughter to have her normal routine when things were completely upside down at home.

scraw99 · November 2012

I'm in the opposite position. I have 2 year old twins and a newborn. I would definitely recommend having a nanny or daycare/preschool in the morning atleast. I thought I could handle all three on my own but it's been very difficult and I only have one newborn. I have not had time to really devote to my daughters between feedings and diaper changes and putting the one baby down for a nap.

Nmschultz · November 2012

I have a 13 month old and 19 day old twins. My daughter continues to go to daycare, but just 2 days a week. Thi gives me a little break, and allows her to continue to get interaction with other kids. I will say the days she stays home with me, I am exhausted!!

macschic · November 2012

I would also suggest sending him. I have been sending my 4y/o DD to preschool then to her sitter afterwards 3x/week. This gives me a break and maintains her routine. Newborn twins are a ton of work.

jquirke9881 · November 2012

She currently goes 5 days. I plan on sending her 5 days for a few weeks after the babies are here and then dropping her down to 2-3 days. Purely a financial decision for us. Less pay during maternity leave = less money to pay for daycare. I figure even 2 days out of the house will be good for her and me/babies.

Reilly626 · November 2012

I would send him to a program not just a sitter personally, something he can learn from. I don't have a toddler but the first 2 months of twins was insane!!! I flashback to 24 bottles and feedings and no sleep.... I couldn't do a toddler too all day long.

Jen0204 · November 2012

H and I were both home with the girls for 12 weeks and even with both of us it was a lot and we were exhausted. My friend has twins 2 months younger then mine and also has a 3 year old. She's been home with all 3 of them and in the beginning when her babies were in the NICU (for a month) she was lucky and had her mom staying with them, but when the babies came home her mom had to leave. Her 3 year old had a lot more tantrums because she was getting so much less attention, especially when my friend was trying to pump. Some of the extra tantrums were also probably due to the fact that they just couldn't do as much stuff with her so she wasn't getting rid of all of the energy she had. If they could have afforded a sitter I think those first few months would have been MUCH easier. They made it work and things are settled down now, more manageable and their toddler's temperament has gone (basically) back to normal, so it is doable if you have to.

ougrad1 · November 2012

Take him to the sitter. For the first month or two they will sleep most of the day but, be awake a lot during the night.

My best suggestion is to get your oldest into the DC or preschool NOW so, it won't be that big of a change when the babies come.

You will be pretty energized the first month but, by the second month, you will be sleeping with the babies during the day.

I currently have a 4.5 year old and 2 year old twins. I can honestly tell you that, I am just now coming out of the fog. It's a crazy ride filled with fun, excitement and lots of anxiety. Make it easy on you.

SkyBee · November 2012

I am a SAHM and I was planning on having DS home full time when the twins arrive, but after reading some of these posts, I am thinking my parents will be taking DS alot more than I planned!

pooman · November 2012

My DD just turned 2 on Saturday and the boys turned 7 weeks. I am usually a working mom so DD already had a nanny. The way it works these days is the nanny gets either Bea or the boys and I get the other. It would be impossible for me at least to give Bea the attention and experiences she's been used to. This way whoever has Bea can take her to the park or indoor playgrounds or playdates etc. and we don't have to worry about exposing the boys to germs.

I know plenty of women have 3u2 without help. They are freaking saints. If you can get help GET HELP. Even with our nanny I am exhausted, Bea feels neglected occasionally and my husband and I are a big ball of stress.

Good luck!

ocho2002 · November 2012

My DS is going to continue to go to daycare while I am on maternity leave and he would if I were only having 1. All of the other mothers on maternity leave send their older ones at the daycare we go to too.

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