- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
August 2012 Moms
Bemyselfandi
member
!["Lilypie](denied:"http://lb4f.lilypie.com/C0E7m6.png")
">
Not what I planned. (Loooong)
Bemyselfandi
member
I'm in tears. I don't even know where to start. I'm so friggin upset.
I have no insurance. I've been bleeding for 14 weeks. Not heavy, but enough to not want to have sex. Awesome, huh? Yeah. We got engaged and I couldn't even have sex with him that night. It's been a month. I still can't have sex with him. And no, I'm not having sex with bloody nasties coming out. Our plan was to get married (tomorrow) so I can be on his insurance. We are planning on having a nice appropriate wedding in two years so by that time we save up enough money and we can plan appropriately.
Our plan was to do this and not tell anyone, or at least wait until the actual wedding.
When we applied for our marriage license, it ended up as public record in the local newspaper. We had no idea until my step sister texted me and told me her grandma gave her a clipping of our announcement in the paper. This, in turn, gave my dad a heads up that we were in fact getting married. When I asked if he could come over to our house so I could explain why and what he saw, he was fine with it. However he said, "well let's just keep this as is and just have a big party instead of a wedding!" My heart broke. He didn't listen to me at all about wanting to have a traditional wedding in a couple years. He heard his pocket book talking and thought "I can make this cheap."
He didn't listen to me when I told him I wanted it to be just John and I and our maid of honor and best man (tomorrow) when we sign the papers and went to dinner. He wanted to go to dinner. He wanted everyone invited to dinner. He insisted (and I know he only insisted because he mentioned it to them without consulting me first). Then DF tells his mom, because she lives in the same city and if someone told her after reading the paper, I'm sure she'd be major mad. I would be, so I agreed. Then she wants to take us to dinner.
Ok, so now instead of just four people having a small little dinner with a few drinks it's going to be me, DF, dad, his girlfriend, DF's mom, AND MY KIDS. I don't even want to go to dinner. I don't trust many people to watch Adeline. She's not an easy baby and doesn't like many people. The people who I trust are either busy (my step sister, my sister, his mom, and my mom *who still doesn't know*). I told him I don't want to do dinner anymore. It's turned into a circus. I don't want to have my kids there and be stressed when my two year old decides he is done eating and wants to run around the restaurant. I don't want to be stressed when Addy doesn't want to be held, she'd rather be playing or in her swing and at home. I want to find a sitter, but it's not happening with less than 24 hours notice. I just want to crawl in a hole. Now DF doesn't understand that I am not in the mood for dinner tomorrow because of all this, he thinks I just don't want to do what he wants to do.
I'm so frustrated. He has chosen everything so far for our actual wedding. He has chosen the colors. He has chosen the "cake". He has all these opinions I don't even have a chance to be the bridezilla I knew I'd be and plan my own goddamn wedding. I'm exhausted with two kids. I'm irritated with a DF who doesn't know his 3 month old cries and the difference between an "I'm hungry" cry and an "I'm tired, NOT hungry" cry. I'm irritated that we're on opposite ends of the spectrum of parenting suddenly. For the first year and a half with Dax we were totally on the same page. Suddenly, we can't see eye to eye. I just don't get it.
I think I have PPA...and I can't do anything about it until I have insurance. It's not like I'm all stabby and suicidal but holy crap, I'm going to go over to visit the crazy people in two minutes until the insurance can kick in. I think DF is depressed but he won't admit he needs help. I've mentioned it so many times and expressed how I've been feeling but it's not understood. I have so much education in psychology that I know what's going on...but to be around someone who seems to feel that psychologists are full of ***, or even therapists don't help is SOOO hard. I don't know what to do. I'm up in arms.
I'm way too overwhelmed to handle this.
Sorry for the long vent.
Here's a gif.
">This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not what I planned. (Loooong)
Oh man, I would be aggrevated too. You should do what you want to do and DF needs to understand that. I can understand wanting to just have a nice quiet dinner and now it definately sounds anything but. Regardless of who you are going to make upset you should let them know how you feel and what you want to do because it doesn't have to be all "Platinum Traditional Wedding" to be YOUR wedding day! It should be what you want and I think you should unleash your inner bridezilla on them and have your day the way you want it.
Always count on you for a good gif! I hope everything works out and you have a nice ceremony and dinner!
Aww I'm so sorry you're overwhelmed. I don't have any advice...but my "wedding" ended up being the same way as yours seems to be heading. We got engaged in March of 2011, planned a big ole thang for June of 2012, got pregnant in November and decided to have a small (like 2 people max) wedding at our house just to make it legal and so that the baby and I had the same last name.
Well, word got out and soon I'm getting angry text after angry text about how "I didn't tell them that we moved the wedding date", "thanks for inviting me...", "When were you gonna tell me?" It turned my whole giddy, excited mood into an anxious, stressed mess.
At one point it was going to be (gag) me, my DF, DF's mom and step dad, SIL, my sister, my mom, both sets of grandparents on BOTH sides....
I ended up just letting it happen and took solice in the fact that when we do our big vow renewal, it'll kinda be a second shot at it. Was I stressed? Ya. SUPER stressed. But in the end all that mattered was that our husband and I were married, officially married.
I would recommend trying to at the very least take a day trip just the two of you, NO kids, to have somewhat of a "honeymoon." You need that one on one time, whether you're able to have sex or not. You need to be with one another without the tense feeling of waiting for the baby to start screaming.
This made me cry even more. But at least I'm not alone. I'm so glad you told me this.
I hope DF gets his attitude washed away the next shower and I can talk to him on a level where he understands my feelings instead of blaming me for being the bad guy. Hopefully next week we can take a day to ourselves. Thank you, again.
And thanks to the other girls. Your hugs and support mean more than you think.
Sorry you are going through this, I wish I could be help to you somehow. It sounds like you really need that small dinner of just 4, you deserve that anyway.
I hope that it gets better and things work out to be the way you would like.
You're so welcome. When I read this it was like a flashback to my own wedding so I can definitely relate. Keep your head up! You're getting MARRIED!
My Blog
I also hope you stop bleeding soon! That majorly sucks.
Oh geez
Well. Let us know how seeing a doctor about the bleeding issue goes...
I would've just went and gotten married tonight. I'm sorry this whole ordeal isn't turning out like you had planned, but maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will be. After all, you'll still be the bride and regardless of where it is or how it happens, it's your day. Just make the most of it and enjoy the fact that so many people want to share in your happiness. Having your kids there kind of puts a damper on things, but that's who you guys are...you're parents and they're both a huge reason why you're getting married/love each other/etc. They may not remember the day, but it's important that they know later on that they were involved.
Just try to be optimistic. I know, it sucks having everyone all up in your business, but try and bask in all the attention. :P
Congratulations (early) on your marriage! Take a deep breath and enjoy the day.
SCANDAL!
You need to get to a dr and it enrages me when I read that in America, American's don't have healthcare! I digress as this won't be solved in a post, but what makes ne een more mad; why did the newspaper post that without ur knowledge that's Bs! What drama you have had to deal with!
I'm not gettig married but I feel for you! My dh lost his job. Both o us are not working as I'm on mate rity leave for a year. Dh is now I'm school. Our van check engine light went off, we need new winter tires, our washer died. My ds2 is having school issues. I have had thrush since week 1 and were on week 15. I have ppd. We had to buy a new battery for van and money came outta my arse. And it's Xmas with four kids and three that kbkw what Xmas is. Trust me I feel for you! Hugs!
Hope this turned out ok!
My brother and SIL went through this as well. They got pregnant and wanted to get married before the baby came and have a big reception next summer. So the wedding was to be mini - parents, siblings and grandparent. Total 10 people MAX and have dinner. Well my SIL's mother got involved and HAD to have this person invited. And if they were invited then this person had to be. It went from 10 to 50. Nothing like originally planned. It cause such problems within the families. Unfortunately things will never be the same between her parents and mine.
Stay strong and best of luck and congrats on the wedding!