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VBAC
VBAC without s/o on board?
This is mostly a vent, some thought-vomit to get it all off my chest...
I'm really looking forward to trying a VBAC, and my OB is on board, but my FI is really nervous about it. Babies tend to run very big in his family (his mom is about my size, and him and his brother were both around 10lbs...his daughter with his ex was close to 9lbs, although his ex is pretty tall).
I'm 4'10" and my daughter was a measly 5lb 9oz. (only 5 days early from her EDD). She never fully dropped and then was in distress, hence the emergency c-section.
I told him that we will see but I know that estimates on weight are usually grossly over-estimated, sometimes by a couple of pounds, which makes a huge difference, IMO! But he is mostly worried about uterine rupture (which I know is rare, but very serious), and the baby being too big and causing the baby damage while trying to push him/her out. I don't think his fears are completely unfounded, but it certainly makes it hard to try and convince him that he should let me try for the VBAC.
I want him there "with" me, not just physically, but to be my support; I won't have anyone else with me (aside from medical personnel, of course). But if he doesn't believe I can do it, or will try and steer the birth toward an intervention, I'm not sure VBAC would be the right choice at that point. I know the baby is coming out of MY body, but it's his baby, too. I want to respect his wishes, because, really, if I do try to labor naturally, and something DOES go wrong, I don't want him to resent me for making that choice. On the other hand, if I don't try VBAC, I don't want to resent him for not 'letting' me at least try. I'm prepared for another emergency c-section if it comes to that, but I want to at least try.
I suppose in the end, if what I get is a healthy baby in my arms, it doesn't matter how it comes out. Thanks for reading my novel if you made it through!
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Re: VBAC without s/o on board?
I agree with pp. My DH was nervous until he talked to my midwife and got the real answers on the actual risks of a VBAC and the VERY REAL risks of a c/s. Some people forget that c/s's might seem "controlled" and so people mistakenly think they are100% safe, but that is just not the case. I believe that VBAC risks are contantly overstated and RCS risks are constantly understated and the reality is somewhere in between.
So, let him talk to the doctor directly. It might help him too.
I think you should research VBAC together. It sounds like he's just uneducated about it (not meant as an insult) and if he actually looked into it all his fears would be calmed. I also like PPs suggestions about bringing him with your to appointments with your care provider to discuss his feelings on the subject and get his questions answered.
I do think having his support is important though. I can't imagine going through the pregnancy/birth process without the full support of my husband.
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Just another example of not being guaranteed to have a big baby just because DH was big:
DH was just shy of 10 lbs. His sister was over 10 lbs. I was just sure that DS was going to be huge, too.... Nope! He was 6 lb 14 oz... I'm on the petite side, too, so I tend to believe that the mother's size has a lot moreto do with baby's size than people realize.
I will ask my OB at my next appointment about it, that's a good suggestion.