Is your SO staying in the hospital (especially STMs)

JuliaBug · November 2012

Is your SO going to stay overnight in the hospital with you?

DH and I had a long discussion last night about what we were going to do when Baby Girl is born. We are fortunate to have a lot of family around who have offered to take DS while I am in the hospital, but we are so hesitant to inconvenience them, especially since DS is not a great sleeper and is very attached to his momma. On the other hand, DH and I both think DH should be there to help me out and be the decision maker if there are any complications. Any thoughts?

dbowitz · November 2012

If you have a family members offering to take DS while you are in the hospital, I would take them up without a second thought. Even if DS isn't a great sleeper, it's only for 2-3 nights, not forever. You could start "practicing" now with an occasional sleepover at a relative's house so (1) DS gets used to sleeping away from you (2) the relatives get used to DS and his routing and (3 - very important!) you and DH can get some date nights in before the baby is born.

chulita425 · November 2012

dbowitz:
If you have a family members offering to take DS while you are in the hospital, I would take them up without a second thought. Even if DS isn't a great sleeper, it's only for 2-3 nights, not forever. You could start "practicing" now with an occasional sleepover at a relative's house so (1) DS gets used to sleeping away from you (2) the relatives get used to DS and his routing and (3 - very important!) you and DH can get some date nights in before the baby is born.

I agree! We don't have a soul around to watch DS so DH or my mom who's visiting will be watching him. When DS was born my parents came to visit and stayed at a hotel right next to the hospital (which is an hour away from my house) so I'm sure they'll do the same again. If DH wants to nap at the hotel my mom will stay at the hospital with me so no big deal.

SouthernMom70 · November 2012

No way. DH is going to take our son home at night and my mom is going to stay in the hospital with me. That way, he'll get a few full nights of sleep so he can be extra helpful for me. :-)

He stayed in the hospital with me for the first one, and, in retrospect, that was a terrible idea. It just resulted in both of us being sleep-deprived and cranky at the same time. I definitely learned from my mistake!

ericalee27 · November 2012

We are planning to have DH stay in the hospital with me and have family stay with DS1 at our house so he's comfortable in his own place. I can't say I'm not worried about it becuase our family do not live close and DS1 isn't super familiar with them yet, but it's hopefully only for a night or two. Plus I think it's really important that DH be there to bond with DS2, just like he had the opportunity to do with DS1.

a13049 · November 2012

DH will stay at least the first night with me. We will decide later depending on how long I need to stay. I think really he is leaving it up to me.

ckalm5 · November 2012

My husband stayed 1 night when we had our first but slept terribly so I sent him home on my second night. With the the 2nd, 3rd and this one he didn't stay because I would rather him be home with our other kids.

kat1221 · November 2012

DC2London:
We don't have family nearby.
My mother will come and stay with us at some point (I'm thinking probably around 38 weeks) so that DH can be at the hospital with me. He would be devastated to miss the birth of his child. Once Rhys is born, though, I won't expect DH to stay at the hospital with me.
If baby decides to be born before my mum gets here, I'm in big trouble, bc I honestly don't know what to do with Jack.

We are in the same boat. I will most likely have a RCS and my mom is planning on coming the day before that to stay with DS. I def want DH with me at the hospital especially since the baby will be staying in the room with me. Our hospital doesn't have a nursery for well babies.

I sure hope baby girl doesn't try to come early b/c we have no family anywhere even kind of close and haven't made any good friends here yet.

jaimie68005 · November 2012

Definitely if you have people offering to take him and help i'd definitely take advantage of it while you can! Will give you and DH a chance to bond and connect with the new baby together. I'm struggling on this as well. I know he will be with me the entire 1st day/night then the 2nd day we will probably have him and the boys up there with us most of the day and I also have family offering to watch them so we will probably have the boys stay with my grandma so my DH can be with baby and I during the nights alone at least.

amandagen · November 2012

I had a csection with the first and was grateful to have DH with me to help me get out of bed, etc. This time around (probably a repeat cs) I'm hoping to have DH with me the first night with DS staying with my mom and then send DH home with DS the next night. Or the other option is to ask my mom to stay the night at our house (she only lives 15 minutes away) at least the 2nd night so DS will be in his own bed. Luckily he's super close to my mom, so I'm not worried about that aspect, but he doesn't sleep great away from his bed. I'm definitely thinking I'll send DH home to nap with DS this time, last time he didn't leave at all and as a PP said we were both overtired!

jhutt321 · November 2012

DS will need to get used to sharing his momma now any way. Especially since they're offering, let them have him for the hospital stay. I like the idea of practice nights as others suggested. I would definitely have DH stay with me this time around. It's wonderful bonding time.

cmhicklin · November 2012

We weren't sure until last weekend what we were going to do, because I wanted things to be as stable as possible for DD since her life is going to change big time, but our family is an hour plus away. Recently MIL got a much more flexible job, and she is going to be able to come and stay with DD (at our house) while DH is at the hospital with me. My mom isn't around and I would rather DH be at the hospital with me than MIL. Plus, I really don't want to stay by myself. Last time, I couldn't get up to pee and I couldn't find the nurse call thing. I almost peed all over myself and I would have been so embarressed! Even though I know it is a hospital, and things like that happen all of the time. So now I really want him to stay with me.

JumpAroundBucky · November 2012

Absolutely. I'll be way too hormonal and scared and uncomfortable to be left all alone. My birthing suite will have a pull out sofa for him to sleep on. We'll tell my mom when we leave for the hospital, and she'll take care of the dogs.

AmieV3 · November 2012

No, I decided he will stay home with our boys because I want a night alone with just me and baby,

irishmom2010 · November 2012

Either my mom or MIL will come to the house and stay if I can do my VBAC. If it's a c/s, then my mom & MIL will probably go in shifts, with DH going home for periods in between.

ETA: Even though I will be delivering in the hospital's new wing, DH will most likely go home depending on what time baby is born. If it's a c/s, he would have to stay to help me the first night. I did fine after the first night with DD.

AimnJus917 · November 2012

I am having the baby at a birth center so the maximum time I can stay is 12 hours. (given that I won't need transferred to hospital) DS will stay with in-laws while we're there and hopefully for at least 1 more day after that even though we will be home with the new baby. With DS, DH stayed with me at the hospital but he was our first so no other kiddos to take care of at the time.

KD79 · November 2012

I'm not sure yet. I have c-sections, so I'll be in the hospital for 3 nights.

DH stayed all three nights when we had DS #1. With DS #2, Dh stayed the first night, and was supposed to go home to be with DS #1 for the second night. However, I was stressed and emotional and ended up sobbing when it was time for him to go home, so he left, packed a bag for DS #1, and took him to my parent's house and came back and stayed with me. I was much more stable (emotionally) for the third night, so I was on my own.

We haven't talked about all the plans yet (aside from requiring that when my two older boys come to visit that we have an hour to ourselves as a family without anyone else). I think I would want someone there the first two nights with me again. Maybe my mom or MIL would stay one of the nights this time. Last time, my pain still wasn't well controlled on day 2 and I was just a mess. I don't want a repeat of that again.

adamsabigail14 · November 2012

dbowitz:
If you have a family members offering to take DS while you are in the hospital, I would take them up without a second thought. Even if DS isn't a great sleeper, it's only for 2-3 nights, not forever. You could start "practicing" now with an occasional sleepover at a relative's house so (1) DS gets used to sleeping away from you (2) the relatives get used to DS and his routing and (3 - very important!) you and DH can get some date nights in before the baby is born.

This! Especially the "practice" sleepovers! I'm not a stm but have been the family member offering to babysit before! And even though it was much more of a challenge than I expected I would still do it again because I know it really helped them out and it was by no means an inconvenience or burden.

101Mims · November 2012

ericalee27:
We are planning to have DH stay in the hospital with me and have family stay with DS1 at our house so he's comfortable in his own place. I can't say I'm not worried about it becuase our family do not live close and DS1 isn't super familiar with them yet, but it's hopefully only for a night or two. Plus I think it's really important that DH be there to bond with DS2, just like he had the opportunity to do with DS1.

Yup we are doing this pretty much. My sister is living with us so DS will be very comfortable with her come February. I?ve also asked my aunt to fly over so my sister has some support. I will feel alot more comfortable about leaving DS knowing that my sister has help.

I?ll be having a CS so, based on the last time and a stay of 5nights/4days, I will really need DH with me to help with Delilah. I will have DS come visit as soon as, and often as I can because I?m going to miss him terribly.

NG2HD · November 2012

Nope. I would rather he get a good night's sleep and be with our DD. I don't need him with me overnight.

Mee83shell · November 2012

Nope. He didn't stay the first time either. I just wanted to sleep & not worry about him being there & the dogs being alone.

This time with DS it won't be feasible at all.

wifeofadam · November 2012

My DH never stayed at the hospital with me, even with DS1. I just wanted to sleep and figured we would both get better rest if he went home. He came back bright and early the next morning.

With #2 he stayed home to be with DS1.

Now we have homebirths, so we can all sleep together in our comfy bed if we need to. Actually, my #1 reason for wanting a HB with #3 was because I missed DH and DS so much during that night in the hospital when I had DS2. I just wanted to be with my family.

pitterpatter129 · November 2012

The first night he probably will and DS will go with a grandparent or my sister (they all live in town.) DS has never stayed away from us, but there's really no choice! If I have to stay longer than one night, DH can go home. I want a vbac, but if I have another csection I could be there awhile. The nurses are very helpful anyhow, so I could make it without DH at the hospital.

mom2b22013 · November 2012

I asked DH what he wanted to do and he said he was going to stay at the hospital with me, so that's fine with me. I am pretty sure we will have people fighting to stay with DS....

Runaway22 · November 2012

All I can say is he better! lol

MrsPandolph · November 2012

Our DD will be staying with my mom and dad so DH can be with me at the hospital. We both know this will be our time to spend bonding with baby by ourselves and we wont get that opportunity much more after we go home. I am also having a repeat section so DH refuses to leave me in the hospital by myself overnight. I think if you have family to take your ds let them! Even if they don't get great sleep it is only for a few nights tops and you and your dh can relax a little while getting to know your new little bundle

jenlb03 · November 2012

Sent my husband home with both previous babies. There is nowhere comfortable for him to sleep and no sense in both us us having a terrible nights sleep.

IncogNeato · November 2012

Yes, he will. DD will stay with my parents who are very close to the hospital and we'll have her visit a lot during the day, but I don't want to do it all by myself those first few nights. It's just so exhausting and when we get home and he goes back to work I'll be doing so much of the nighttime stuff that I want a more fair start!

budgirl007 · November 2012

Planning on it - DS will stay with grandma & grandpa while I am in labor and in the hospital with DH and my mom. Of course they'll come up for visits!

MouseInLux · November 2012

DH didn't stay with me the first time and won't this time. We have a dog and a baby...I have lots of nurses and midwives to look after me in the hospital. I didn't see any point in DH sleeping in the hospital with me.

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