- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
October 2011 Moms
CMonkey515
member
Exchanging holiday gifts with family. What do you do?
CMonkey515
member
I'm currently having a situation with DHs side of the family. They are very into gift giving. Be it Christmas, birthdays, whatever. His immediate family exchanges gifts every year. They like to do expensive gifts among the siblings, SOs, and their father. My family, on the other hand, only does gifts for the kids at christmas. I usually get something small for my dad and brother too, because they don't really have anyone else that gets them anything. We never exchange for birthdays though. Anyway last year we told his family that money was tight, since we are living on one income now. We asked everyone to please not get us anything as we wouldn't be exchanging. If anything they could get something small for DS. DHs brother got upset and insisted on getting us something. We felt bad and ended up getting him, his wife and FIL each a small gift. Well, they ended up getting us expensive gifts anyway. The whole thing made me uncomfortable. Today BIL called DH asking him about a tent he wants, because he wants to get it for us for Christmas. Its like a $200 tent. Once again DH told him we don't want anything, and once again BIL got pissy about it. I told DH he needs to talk to his family and make it clear that the days of dropping a ton of cash on everyones gifts are over, and they need to respect our wishes. Anyway let me get to the point of this whole rant. I'm wondering what is the norm for holiday gifts in all of your families? Do you exchange with everyone? Just the kids? Do a grab bag? Am I unusual in thinking that as you get older and have your own family you focus your Christmas budget on your own kids, and maybe nieces, nephews, etc? Am I being a jerk?
href="http://alterna-tickers.com">
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Exchanging holiday gifts with family. What do you do?
We get gifts for everyone but I have been cutting back on the dollar amount. A couple of years ago I would easily spend $100 on each person. Last year it was only $50 per person and this year I am looking at $30. I am trying to find things that are nice but not hugely expensive. We buy for DH's sister and SO, DH's brothers family (including 2 kids), my parents, and my brother's family (including 4 kids). I also buy some small gifts for my friends.
I would stick to telling everyone that you can not afford large gifts again this year. If they choose to spend $200 on a tent for you guys then that is their choice. Just say thank you graciously and don't worry about it.
I think you have a few options to choose from for giving gifts. You could give everyone a small gift or you could opt instead to give one larger family gift per family. I also don't think that you should be concerned with giving your LO more and extended family less. We will definitely be spending the most on DS but I think that is expected since he is our kiddo.
We pick names for my family and put a $50 cap on it. This is just for my mom, brothers, and me and DH. So I pick one name and spend $50. Then I still buy for my kids and DH. I will also buy gifts for my cousins' kids who are aged 5 and below. Just something small for them. Otherwise we don't do a huge gift exchange. No one can really afford it. I have a HUGE family.
I couldn't imagine spending what your family spends. In our family it's kinda understood that the bulk of our Christmas fund will be spent on our children and there's no way I'd even try to make it even. I like PPs idea of buy for each family instead of individually. If they choose to buy you an expensive tent, then that's their choice.
The holidays aren't just about Gift-getting. One of my favorite things about the holidays is giving gifts. I love picking out something special for someone, and watching how excited and happy they are with my selection. It sounds like your husband's family might be the same way. I don't keep score. It doesn't matter to me how much I get, or how expensive what someone got me is. It's not about the money. Everyone gives what they are able to and unless your brother's family is complaining about how they can't afford their mortgage because they're buying your family gifts, I don't really see how you can deny them the joy in giving.
We always exchange gifts with the whole family. With my family that's my mom, brother, sil and then we get together with my cousins and everyone there gets a gift too. With DH's family we exchange gifts with his parents, BIL, SIL, my niece and nephew, AND SIL's family (mom, dad, sisters, their husbands, their children, cousin Daisy, etc.) On top of that, I send Christmas presents to my friends and their children.
My side of the family used to go all out crazy...we have a super small family. About 3 years about my brother and I decided to not exchange gifts, but to only buy for the kids and my mom. At the time I was a little annoyed because we didn't have kids (I like to buy for people)...now I totally get it
We don't really do gifts with my IL's, maybe just a picture or something.
I think as families grow it's cool to draw numbers or just to get gifts for the kiddos.
With my side of the family we recently started doing a white elephant gift exchange. Each person brings a $10 gift and is put in a pile with other male/female gifts. Everyone draws a number to determine the order of gift-picking, and once you pick a gift it can be stolen by anyone who comes after you. It can get rowdy when there's a good gift floating around! The kids under 18 draw names, since there's way too many to buy for each one. This is perfect for our large family! We also buy a separate gift ($25 max) for my parents and grandparents, since they do so much for us throughout the year
We just buy for the kids on DH's side. His sister just has 2 girls.
Between DH and I, we plan to buy a used eliptical or treadmill for our gift (I use that term loosely), and then just buy a few things for DD.
H's family is super small (like 3 people) and his mom is gift crazy and likes to dictate what to get her. She takes the fun out of giving gifts. With my family we do my parents and niece, nephew and my aunt who has us on xmas day. Since having DD I will get my brother and sil something small from the baby -for years bro and sis in law were super tight on cash and they managed to get everyone small gifts ( her family) from my niece and I never got anything. It would break my heart-so I try not to be rude like that.
If things are tight then people should understand.
On MHs side, adults do not exchange gifts (except with my MIL). Only kids get gifts. For my side, we used to get everyone gifts... until this year. I initiated a Pollyanna because it can get out of control. We have a $30 limit and each person buys one adult one gift. Kids are still taken care of individually.
For my parents and inlaws, we just get them something "from" DD. This year I made them all calendars on shutterfly.com and only spend about 40 dollars total. We're also giving them each a framed wedding picture.
DH just has one brother; we get him and his GF something small.
I am the oldest of 5 kids and my extended family is huge so gift giving can get really out of control fast. What we do now is this - for my immediate family we draw names and spend $150 on a gift. It's a lot but you only buy 1 gift and everyone gets something nice. We also like to go in together to get something for our mom each year too but that caps at $50 usually.
For the extended family we do a "white elephant" sort of thing. Everyone brings a $50 gift and we draw numbers and open presents in order. People can steal gifts 3 times, etc. It's really fun. Maybe you and your husband can suggest a secret Santa sort of thing.
For my in laws, we used to spend like $35-30 per person (10 - 12 people) but we started drawing names for their family too which saves money and it gives us more money to spend on something nicer.
As we have gotten older, we always buy things we want so it made gift giving hard. First we drew names and did 50 limit. Then we drew names and did 25 limit. Now we aren't doing anything really. We decided to take a trip to a ski resort in January with my side of the family and not exchange gifts. But I am sure they will all still get something for Gator. My IL's do stockings for everyone with a new pair of pajamas, an orange, pistachios, some chocolates, and a check for 50. His grandpa gives everyone 100. My SIL buys tons of overpriced stuff we don't really need, but whatever.
SO and I don't exchange gifts. We will get Gator a few things. Since we are on one income now, we are planning on getting each couple a 25 gift certificate to a restaurant. Last year we also included a picture of Gator because she was a newbie....I wonder if we can get away with that as a "gift" this year. Ha!
We all exchange gifts in my family. There's about 10 people on my list, other than DS and DH, that are getting small gifts this year. My family knows our situation and doesn't ever expect much from us, but I would feel awkward not getting them anything. I think for the most part this year, R and I will do handmade gifts (ornaments, mugs, etc). They do tend to go all out, especially on Rhys. They love Christmas and love getting an opportunity to spoil him.
I understand your frustration, but if that's how they enjoy Christmas then let them. Maybe in the future when funds aren't as tight you'll be able to get them a more expensive Christmas present in return. Hopefully they'll understand your situation this year and won't feel as if a huge gift from you is a necessity.
BFP #1 - 11/16/10 CP 12/1/10
Our team green turned into team pink!
BFP #2 17dpo - 47, 19dpo - 114 Chart