Do your parents or ILs watch your LO(s) regularly?

lynsef · November 2012

My IL's watch the kids one day per week. I work PT and DH's schedule is such that the kids are home with him 1 day and with his parents one day. They've always known that we would have 3-4 kids, but his dad has made comments lately that make me a little nervous to announce that we are expecting, just more or less that he is tired on the days they watch the kids. I know they enjoy watching the kids and do all kinds of fun stuff with them the days they have them, but I don't want to "abuse" the situation either. 1 day a week isn't a lot though even for 3 kids right? It isn't usually even a full day on the day they have them probably 6 hrs. Some grandparents I've seen at the park and stuff watch their grandkids FT. I'm just very thankful to have such great IL's and don't want to burn them out...

MyLittleSweetPea · November 2012

My parents have LO every day during the week during the school year (I'm a teacher so they are "free" in the summers). Soon they will also watch my niece and next year our new LO. I am always cautious about the situation too. I try to tell them all the time that I don't want them to take on more than they are comfortable. After that, I am leaving it to them to step forward if they feel that being a care provider takes away from being a grandparent. It is a lot harder than people would think though!

PandaMom06 · November 2012

My ILs have an in-home daycare and watch both of our LOs 4-5 days a week depending on my schedule. They watch 5 children total, 2 of which are ours. We are held to the same hours and days as everyone else and we do pay them, (discounted a little).

AimeeL85 · November 2012

I remember someone else posting a similar situation some months ago. In my opinion, if they feel they can't handle it then they can be honest with you and tell you that, but you can't make a decision on the number of kids to have just because of this (not saying that you are, but because it sounds like they might expect you to). They just need to be honest if they feel like they can't handle it.

la79al · November 2012

Sounds like 2 might be too much for FIL. Just because they enjoy doing stuff with the kids (ie being grandparents) doesn't really mean that they are ready for 3 of them, even 1 day a week. My mom spends a day with my girls every week (with me here) and there is no way I would ask her to start watching them on a regular basis, I think that would A) be hard on her and take away some of the fun of being with them. Just because you see grandparents with their grandkids full time does not mean they love watching them or that they are doing it because they want to. I know a set of grandparents right now pretty much raising their granddaughter and yes, they look like happy loving grandparents at the park and at the zoo and at the pumpkin patch. But I know what is really going on, they don't trust their daughter to keep her own kid. We love having the kid come hang out with us so I have talked to the grandparents and know how they feel but most people just see them as loving doting grandparents excited to spend time with their granddaughter.

This wasn't meant to come off as an attack of any kind and I really hope you didn't take it that way! I would probably sit the ILs down when you are ready to announce and ask them how they truly feel about watching 3 kiddos. Come at it from an angle of "we were thinking about looking into daycare for that one day a week" and see what their response is.

Lisa602 · November 2012

Neither of our parents watch DD, we have friends that do. At some point they have all decided to make adjustments so that it would not be as much on the grandparents (baby sitter, day care, school, classes, etc). When you tell them, sit down and have a serious conversation that you dont want them to be burned out but want them to have time with the kids and get their thoughts. FIL may not be thinking when he says that to you or it may be his way for asking for a break. Just have a conversation. GL.

lilhockeygurlMOM · November 2012

My mom watches DD every time BD and my schedule don't work out. Basically, my mother has hayden 3 times a week while BD and I are at work.

dragon_chica · November 2012

My parents watched DD PT for her first 2 years of life until she went to preschool. Now they watch DS FT since I went back to work FT. When my parents moan and groan about being soooo tired it's their code for me to acknowledge it and show my appreciation for what they do. It's annoying but it is what it is.

mamainseptember · November 2012

Personally I would never ask my parents or inlaws to watch my kids on a regular basis, but that's just me. I have always felt that they raised their children, they shouldn't have to watch mine as well. My parents and inlaws are both young (late 40's, early 50's) and they watch DS maybe one Saturday every 4 months and they always say they are tired after it! I would seriously have a conversation with your parents/inlaws about watching 3 kids because that is a lot for grandparents. If they say all is well, we can do it, then your good. If not, then look into a in-home daycare and see if they can give you a good rate for 3 children.

LSU628 · November 2012

My Mom and MIL split the week watching DD until she was 2. When DD started school, my mom brings her to school for me (I drop her off at her house) and picks her up and keeps her for about 2 hours after she gets out of school. My mom told me flat out that as much as she would like to help watch LO#2, she just can't do DD and a newborn. I totally respect that and appreciate her being honest with me.

saturdaynightdoubletree · November 2012

We live far away from all of our family and don't have the luxury of free family daycare. I feel like 6 hours is a long day for grandparents, and of course they get tired. This isn't to sound snarky, but how often are you alone with your kids during the day for 6+ hours without DH around and while they're awake? As a SAHM I get burnt out, and I see all these grandparents watching kids (usually just 1 kid tho) and wonder how the heck they keep up. I wouldn't feel right putting the pressure on my parents or ILs, especially for full days. I think the kid's ages play a huge role too. If two of the three were in school most of the day and they were only watching one kid I think it's more practical. JMO tho.

superaunt · November 2012

wow, i'm kind of jealous of you all with family who watch your kids. my dad is older (79) and my mom (65) is taking care of my ailing grandmother these days but even if there was more time, i just don't see her watching my daughter on a regular basis. and my in-laws are both in their 70s and not in a position to watch either.

truthfully, i do think 3 kids is a lot for grandparents to take on on a regular basis... but maybe they'll feel differently when the third one comes along? congrats btw!

stargazer77 · November 2012

First, Congrats! Wishing you a H&H 9 months!

MIL has watched DS 3 days a week since he was 10 weeks old (I worked from home the other 2). In July of this year, it went down to 2 days a week b/c we enrolled him in daycare for the other 3 days. She always said she didn't think she could do more than 1 kid at a time, and that if DS wasn't such an easy going kid she didn't even think she would be able to do it at all! Guess I'm lucky he's so good!

We put off TFAS until we knew we could have DS in daycare and she would only have the 1 again. Of course, 8 months later since TTC and I'm wishing we didn't put it off, but financially we couldn't afford two in daycare!

sparklerose · November 2012

mamainseptember:
Personally I would never ask my parents or inlaws to watch my kids on a regular basis, but that's just me. I have always felt that they raised their children, they shouldn't have to watch mine as well. My parents and inlaws are both young (late 40's, early 50's) and they watch DS maybe one Saturday every 4 months and they always say they are tired after it! I would seriously have a conversation with your parents/inlaws about watching 3 kids because that is a lot for grandparents. If they say all is well, we can do it, then your good. If not, then look into a in-home daycare and see if they can give you a good rate for 3 children.

I agree with this, grandparents are grandparents, not daycare providers.

lynsef · November 2012

mamainseptember:
Personally I would never ask my parents or inlaws to watch my kids on a regular basis, but that's just me. I have always felt that they raised their children, they shouldn't have to watch mine as well. My parents and inlaws are both young (late 40's, early 50's) and they watch DS maybe one Saturday every 4 months and they always say they are tired after it! I would seriously have a conversation with your parents/inlaws about watching 3 kids because that is a lot for grandparents. If they say all is well, we can do it, then your good. If not, then look into a in-home daycare and see if they can give you a good rate for 3 children.

We didn't ask them to, they offered. I would never ask his parents because they are his parents. His mother said over and over again in the year before she retired that she was excited to retire so she could spend more time with the kids and offered to help out with watching them. I agree that it's asking a lot, which is why I'm very sensitive to the situation. We aren't against looking into an alternative solution and by then DD will be in preschool so it will be a little different. I won't by any means be upset with them if they say that it is too much. Thanks everyone for your input .

dragon_chica · November 2012

People shouldn't just assume that if someone's child(ren) is being watched by the grandparents then the parents must have asked them to. I never once asked my parents to watch my children. Before I ever got PG they had already announced their plans to care for our hypothetical children. Once DD was born they were already asking when I was going back to work so they can start watching her. Recently when they have mentioned being tired (DS is a lot more active than DD) we offered to relieve them of this CHOICE and put him in DC. At first they were open to the idea and then they flat out refused. They couldn't bear the thought of a stranger watching their grandson. I think it also helps that since I'm a teacher they get holidays and summers off. But, in the end, they made this choice on their own.

sugarbear0524 · November 2012

Also be sensitive that everything can change quickly. My MIL was keeping my DS 15 hours a week or so. She had a health crisis, and poof!, we had to find someone else very quickly. These things happen more often as grandparents age.

mrsf123 · November 2012

IMHO, if they think it's too hard, then it's too hard. You can't force someone to provide you free child care. You may have to look into the possibility of having a babysitter on that day.

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