When will I feel like me again?

Re: When will I feel like me again?

• IEtoLA member

  November 2012

  Idani:

  First let me tell you everything you are feeling is completely normal. With my first I really struggled. Honestly it took me about 3 or 4 months to really really start feeling good again. Meaning getting my body back, getting a better handle on maintaining the house, baby and other duties etc.nbsp; One thing is take the time to get ready, if your clothes don't fit, buy at least a couple new pieces that you feel good in.nbsp; I found getting ready each day, even if I didn't leave helped me feel better.nbsp; Also take the time to get out, I know it's hard especially since your car isn't working but see if you can meet a girlfriend for lunch or something.nbsp; Take time to do things you like, even if it's something small like reading a book.nbsp; As for getting a handle on things fast enough, my oldest is still 3 and I sometimes still wonder what the heck I am doing. That is all part of being a mom, you make mistakes, you learn and honestly you are doing better than you are giving yourself credit, guarenteed.nbsp; I think that being a FTM you feel like you should be happy and perfect and everything like a stereotypical image we see on TV or something. In reality, we are all a mess in the beginning and even later on when they are toddlers we have our moments.nbsp; This time around I do feel more relaxed and able to get a handle on things and am taking the time to get ready each day and Im still taking my vitamins, as I find that helps.nbsp; If you still aren't feeling right in a few weeks, it can't hurt to talk to your doctor but it sounds like you are feeling what most mom's do.nbsp; Good luck, I'm sure you are doing great.

  . I agree with all of this. What you are feelings is normal and it takes time. Even with 2, I'm having trouble balancing everything, but every day it gets a little easier. I highly recommend PPs idea of getting dressed every day. I didn't the first time around. I was worried the baby would cry or something would happen. This time around I make it a point to shower and get dressed and even blow dry my hair. The baby will be fine, even if he/she cries or fusses for a little. you have to take care of yourself.

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• loolabell15 member

  November 2012

  I feel this way, too. Sometimes when DH gets home I like to take a quick drive. It's really refreshing getting out of the house by myself even if it's just for twenty minutes. 

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• jerseyleo

  November 2012

  Thank you ladies. 

  

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• Jams1002 member

  November 2012

  It took me 5 to 6 weeks to feel somewhat normal again. Don't worry about housework and outings just yet. Enjoy your LO because she will never be a newborn again... Housework can wait. :

  

  
  

  
  

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• Liz5663 member

  November 2012

  I'm over two months in and I posted something very much like yours about a month ago.  I got the same advice, and honestly I have tried... really tried.  If I find the time to shower, the baby is screaming by the time I get out.  If he is (by some miracle) still asleep when I am drying off and getting dressed, he is screaming by the time I start putting any makeup on. I feel horrible, but if I know he was fed, changed, and held before I took the shower, I just let him cry.  I HAVE TO HAVE SOME TIME!  I feel horrible though... even though I know he is fine.  And I constantly think I am being judged for it.  

   

  Everyone always asks, "Do you have someone who can come watch him for a little while?"  Nope.  Not one single person.  

   

  And, bless his heart... when my husband gets home from work (10 hours a day, 6 days a week) the last thing I want to do is throw the baby at him and run.  He is exhausted too. 

   

  AND NOTHING FITS!!!  So, I wear yoga pants and tanks ALL day, EVERY day.
  

   

  The good news is, it is getting better.  Slowly, but surely.  I am able to manage cleaning, cooking, and taking care of myself better today than I was yesterday.  And yesterday I was better than the day before. 

   

  I wish I could give you a big boost of what you need, which is a hug, a break, and a little bit of YOU time.  But, it will become easier.  Promise.
  

  

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• Lil chippy

  November 2012

  I felt the same way!  I was emotionally a mess trying to still be the person I was and the mom I am now.  I hardly showered due to baby screaming, didnt get to leave very often and DH tried really hard but it just wasnt what I needed when I needed it.  Here are a couple of things I did to help me, maybe they could help you too. 

  Every morning I woke up fed LO and then we went out for a walk. (about 8 am)  She screamed the entire time I put her into the car seat and the first 5-10 minutes of the walk, but then she would calm down and be happy and fall asleep.  It worked for me because I got exercise, she got fresh air and when she screamed we were outside so no one was around.  Usually we would go for about an hour.  I also talked to LO most of the time so it was my own little couseling session

  An added bonus was that she usually stayed asleep for a bit after, so I would walk in the door and jump right in the shower. I brought her in the bathroom in her carseat and I found that the sound of the water kept her asleep.   However, there were days she woke up right away and there was no showers....I bought those clensing clothes for those mornings ~  and would just wait it out til DH got home. 

  Whether I was able to shower or not, I always put on makeup...just a bit mascara, and foundation...it made me feel more human and some what put together. 

  then I force myself to take a trip out every day...every if for 1 hour and it took 2 to get ready for it. (we would usually go out about 12-1) I found baby friendly stores like Babies r us and target and I didnt always buy things (I know you said money is tight and I understand)  I did these outing merely to get myself out of the house. 

  Good Luck and I agree with everyone else it really does get better! 

   Also.....I bought and highly recommend facial clensing clothes for night time....because there are night when there is no time or you are too tired to wash your face! 

   Oh and  for cleaning....I would pick 1 room a day to clean. start with the room that bothers you the most or the room you are in the most.  that way when you are in that room you can look around and feel more relaxed.   That way it would only be about 20 minutes.  There were days that is all I had. 

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• danieliza1127 member

  November 2012

  I felt pretty much all of the things that you're feeling, and it does get better.  Just keep reminding yourself, "this won't last forever" when something annoying is happening.  That was my mantra and it really helps to remind yourself that this whole experience is constant change.  What your baby is doing now will be different two weeks from now.

  My LO is almost 4 months old and I already forget what those first 3-4 weeks were like in detail, but I do remember how much anxiety I felt and all of the things you wrote about.  I think it was around 4-6 weeks when I started feeling better, and returning to work was really good for me too.  I started to learn what I needed to feel better and for me, getting out of the house was huge. Even if it was just for a long walk or a quick run to Target or a short visit at a friend's house, either with the baby or without, I felt SO much better if I got out of the house.  It's so easy to talk yourself out of going, but you just have to make yourself do it.  

  It definitely takes time to get the hang of this new mom thing.  My LO is 4 months and I still struggle from time to time!  It's a huge life changing adjustment and you just have to give yourself time to get the hang of it all.
  

  
  

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• AppleMomma member

  November 2012

  I've been asking that for 3 years.

  However, it does get better!
  

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• kjskjs member

  November 2012

  For me it took getting out of the house to get pampered and run errands alone to start feeling like myself. My DH watched the LO and I went and ran errands but also got my hair done and a pedicure. It just brought me back to myself. From there, I just made a schedule of the things that we needed to get done each week to function. Each day now has a small list of tasks and I just do my best to get those done, take care of DD, and work. I went out by myself at about 6 weeks and It wasn't until about 10 that I figured out the chore/tasks schedule. It's just now getting to be routine and easier to manage. It definitely takes time but it also IMO required that you get some time to yourself to do something you enjoy without your LO. For me, it was a pedicure and a new/former hair color.
  

  
  
  

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• starfish717 member

  November 2012

  I agree with what others have said. DD is only 3 weeks old but sometimes I feel like I've been trapped in the house for months (I was on bedrest for the last 7 weeks of pregnancy, so I guess that's partially true!). I feel like everything that defined me before baby has ceased to exist (outgoing, sociable, active, teacher, etc). What has helped me is having DH watch her for a couple of hours on the weekend so I can have some "me" time, either in or out of the house - I got a pedicure on Sunday and felt like a new woman! Balance is key.
  

  Also, I work really hard to shower and get dressed every morning during her first nap. It sounds pathetic, but it's so tempting to stay in PJs and snuggle with my little girl, but I try to get ready each morning just like I always have. It only took one unfortunate UPS delivery with me in PJs at 3pm to realize that I should get my life together )

  It will get easier!
  

  
  

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• jerseyleo

  November 2012

  Starfish- you just reminded me that I forgot to mention I was on bedrest the last 2 months. So I havent been independent " me" even before baby was born. 

  Well ladies this morning I went to get my hair done. It did help a little. Thanks. 

  

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• krissi813

  November 2012

  Looks like everyone has felt the same way. Honestly, this post even made me feel better because OP described how I felt exactly. I'm 12 weeks in and I still feel this way sometimes. It is physically and emotionally exhausting to care for someone else's every need and, at some point, I think we've all felt like we couldn't do it anymore or like everything we were doing just wasn't enough. I have some days now where I wake up and I don't know how I'm going to get through the day but then by mid-afternoon, I'm like, "I got this!" 

  It's entirely traumatic to go from feeling like you just got a handle on your own life to - boom - a baby is here and you wonder what the heck you even had to do before LO showed up. You don't believe it until you have a baby.

  

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• RachelD158 member

  November 2012

  Toy described how I felt/sometimes still feel exactly!! My Li is 9 weeks. I feel like I've made big improvements but still have those days. I just tell myself its normal and won't always be this way. Reaching out to other moms irl helped me a lot.

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• Soap1 member

  November 2012

  Girl, go get you some Prozac or Lexapro or something!  This is all totally, 100% normal, but it IS a sign of possible PPD or PPA.  I felt exactly that way after my 1st, I was a MESS.  I mean, I felt awful and some days I would wish I could change my mind about having a baby at all.  Thank modern medicine for Lexapro.  It can really just give your brain the jump-start it needs to get back on track.  Just a couple of months on it was all I needed!

  Same for all of you who are saying you feel this way!  There's no shame in a mild anti-depressant or anti-anxiety pill!
  

  
  
  
  
  

  
  

  

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