Charging for thanksgiving dinner???

karleegirl · November 2012

I convinced dh that we should go to his mom's for thanksgiving. There's a long story behind it but dh has a lot of anger towards her for putting up with her husband being abusive towards him. As well as she barely pays attention to our kids. But their whole extended family will be at mil's and I want my kids to have that time with them.
Well dh got a text that we needed to bring 15 for our meal. Dh was pissed. At first I said fine no problem, hosting can get expensive, even though everyone brings a dish. But then I found out she is using bil's food vouchers he gets from school. He's in college and gets vouchers for the grocery store. She doesn't think anyone knows this. So she is making
money off this.
My family would never ever do this. If we couldn't afford to host we wouldn't.

Am I wrong for being so bothered by
this?

firecracker8 · November 2012

Ummm... Wow!!! I have never heard of such a thing! Why not just ask people to bring a dish and a bottle of wine??? But to make you pay to come? I'd politely decline the invitation.

mle5d · November 2012

Not at all. I'd be livid! And I agree with PP as much as I'd want LO to spend time with that side of the family, I think I would decline as well.

mkarns · November 2012

NO you are not wrong by being bothered. If a host can't afford to host, the only reasonable thing to do is to ask that the dinner be potluck. Asking for money for something that you're voluntarily hosting is not cool.

That being said, I'm not really sure how I'd handle the situation. Does the BIL know she's doing this, even though she's using his vouchers?

pennyandandy · November 2012

Wow. Just, wow. I would be hacked. And I would have dh call and say that you don't have 15 bucks, but you will bring xyz, does she still want you to come?

pennyandandy · November 2012

Btw, I forgot to add that when dh and I first got engaged and married we would all chip in about 10 bucks for thanksgiving dinner at his aunts house, but we didn't bring anything.

kristin172429 · November 2012

I'm with all of the other PP! Charging for Thanksgiving? Ridiculous. Sure, ask people to bring a dish, but you don't charge people. Even if she wasn't scamming the family, it would be ridiculous. You are totally right to be bothered by this.

karleegirl · November 2012

The thing is everyone already brings a dish. Now she'll make more than others but we always bring something. Bil knows she's using the vouchers he told dh not to say anything.
Gmil asked us to please come for the sake of the kids. So I guess we will show up for a bit.

Lena122 · November 2012

No matter the circumstances, I think asking family to bring money is ridiculous. IF you weren't expected to bring a dish AND she wasn't making any money off of it I'd still at least attend though. But it sounds like that's not the case here.

mkarns · November 2012

Oh man. People bring dishes too? I'm sorry Karlee...I wish I had some advice but I honestly don't know what I'd do.

boilerup227 · November 2012

Totally ridic. However, my dad would do the same thing. No joke, one year he told my mom that anyone who walked on their carpet needed to help pay for new carpet. He was dead serious.

MrsLindinger0905 · November 2012

Holy crap! Not ok!

Jen0204 · November 2012

That sucks! I don't even know what I would do of MIL tried to do that. I'd like to say we wouldn't go, but in reality we probably would. I would definitely not offer the money when you get there - if she wants it, make her ask for it. You could always try saying "Oh, we didn't realize you wanted money AND a dish, we thought it was either or" and see if she pushes it.

ALane1128 · November 2012

That's ridiculous! Maybe you can say you won't be joining in on dinner so you won't be bringing the money, but you will join after dinner so you can see the family. Sorry for that situation

kristin172429 · November 2012

Jen0204:
You could always try saying "Oh, we didn't realize you wanted money AND a dish, we thought it was either or" and see if she pushes it.

Oh, please do this!!!

MrMrsandBaby · November 2012

kristin172429:
Jen0204:
You could always try saying "Oh, we didn't realize you wanted money AND a dish, we thought it was either or" and see if she pushes it.
Oh, please do this!!!

Yes, this! Or ALane's suggestion, just go after dinner. Maybe you get a discount if you just do dessert? /s/

I'm sorry but that is total BS on MIL's part. I'm pretty opinionated when it comes to the IL's so I would tell DH to forget it and eat at home or with my family...

Sorry you MIL sucks...let us know what you do.

naturegal79 · November 2012

Oh man.... 2 words... Frack that!!!! I would be so p'd off, I wouldn't even go to be honest. I would stay home and make my man and LO a turkey dinner! That's crazy girl!!

sunnyday016 · November 2012

Oh my word LOL. That's tacky as hell. I'd laugh in her face and say you've made other plans. No way would I pay & bring a dish.

Jlobebe2012 · November 2012

kristin172429:

Jen0204:
You could always try saying "Oh, we didn't realize you wanted money AND a dish, we thought it was either or" and see if she pushes it.

Oh, please do this!!!

Oh this is the best response ever......

My MIL tried to charge us $30 when my H asked her to watch my DD for 3 hours one evening, so I totally know the feeling......

I would like to say that I would have balls enough to decline the invitation, but in reality when it comes to ILs sometimes you just have to bite your tongue for the sake of the kids. The situation SUCKS, but I think if you just show up for a little while so everyone can see the kids, it is not the end of the world. Also, if your H is upset, and has his own issues with his mom, then I would def just bite my tongue and go with the flow, adding fuel to fire does not make for a stress-free holiday, and 2 wrongs do not make a right.

Good luck Karlee, and please let us know how it goes!

hizah05 · November 2012

What!? I would not go. Or I'd subtract an amount from the 15 to help cover whatever you are bringing. If you are bringing something.

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