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Blended Families
HisChamaoleGirl
member
Another gift questions, but for BMs
HisChamaoleGirl
member
My mother sends SS gifts and cards on holidays throughout the year. How would you feel if your XH wife's mother sent your child gifts.
BM doesnt seem to mind (she met my mother when she escorted SS back from visitation two summers ago) the cards and gifts. At least she has never said anything negative about it. I dont say anything bc I dont think its my place if BM is ok with it but I had to draw the line when my mother wanted to reach out and offer to purchase school supplies. DH had already extended the invite to BM and she declined.
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Re: Another gift questions, but for BMs
In most situations I would think it's nice. I would assume she was treating him the same as she would anything grandchild and be happy for it. I would want my child to feel included. and loved by his whole family.
I think it really depends on the situation...
With K, my MIL doesn't send gifts or cards to BM for K since K is with us 40% of the time. I know she used to do it, and it bothered my husband. It mostly only bothered him because BM wouldn't "share" what was sent, meaning: she wouldn't let him what his own mother sent to K and BM wouldn't allow K to bring it to his home. Now MIL only sends it to our house and if K isn't with us when the cards/gifts arrive, obviously we hold onto it for a couple days until K is over again.
With my kids, DC's mother will send cards and gifts to my house for the kids and it doesn't bother me. However, my kids only see DC once a year, so if she didn't mail cards or gifts to my home, they wouldn't get them until the next time they see him. I always make sure they write a thank you note to her.
ETA: I just re-read this and realized I misunderstood... My mother sends gifts for K to our home and never to BM for the same reasons outlined above regarding MIL. In the box of Christmas gifts we receive from DC's mother for my kids, there will often be gifts from SM's mother for the kids and it really doesn't bother me. Again, I think the custody/visitation schedule plays a big part in people's comfort levels.
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full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.
Bc she has a problem with me and anything to do with me. She has repeatedly said I have nothing to do with her child and that everytime I try to get close to SS that I am overstepping a boundary. I am wondering if those thoughts are extended to my family as well.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
It sounds like you know that BM might have a problem with it, but I think it's just that - her problem. Not yours, not SSs. I think it's good that your whole family shows an interest in SS and includes him. You can only think of what's good for SS, not BM.
^^ Exactly. It's important for SS to feel loved and accepted by everyone in the family. If BM has a problem, she needs to get over it real quick.
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Yes it would be her problem, but I feel some sort of responsibility bc its MY mother who is involved. Thanks for the input tho.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Don't feel responsible. Your mother is being amazing and trying to show SS that she loves and cares about him. It's important for SS to feel loved and accepted by the adults in the family, especially those on your side. Your mother isn't sending harassing letters to BM or calling 24-7 or being a nuisance. If BM has an issue with it, let her bring up the matter in Court. I don't see a Judge siding with BM and saying that family members can't send gifts and cards to SS.
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I agree that if BM has a problem, then it's HER problem and SS shouldn't suffer. Your mom is awesome.
My situation is a little different since BM just got back in SDs life when SD was 14ish. SD is also not talking to me and FI currently but last year, when she was......
My moms family does a grab, all aduLts pick a kids name, and SD was added to the list as she was coming to the Xmas party (not ON Xmas) and so she was set to receive a gift (she then decided she wasn't speaking to us). This year my LO was added. I saw it as the same, she was my step DAUGHTER and so she should receive a gift. SS is your moms (step) grandson so it's all good, in my opinion. I know, In the far far future, if my DD has a step child, I would do the same.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013