What to do for quads born at 28 weeks...

notkateanymore · November 2012

Hello all~

Hope you don't mind a non MoM dropping in, but I have a question. My husband has an employee that had quads this past week at 28 weeks. They're all 2 lbs and under. All are on a vent and one had a chest tube put in I believe. Anyway...what do we do? Should I buy a regular gift {or 4} like I would for a new baby or should I wait until they're out of the hospital? I have this fear I'll buy something and then god forbid something happens to one of them and they have this gift just sitting there reminding them of the baby. That's crazy I know, but I am nuts. They suggested we come visit and they're going to take us to see the babies, but we're waiting until DD is at the beach with my parents next week. I'm not sure how much family help they have, so I don't know if they have food, help at the hospital, etc. We know the husband way more than the wife, so all my info and contact comes from him.

I want to do something, but don't know what to do!

notkateanymore · November 2012

OK, and just in case my comment about something happening is completely horrible and not taken as a way to explain myself, I am sorry in advance. I just don't know any other way to explain it!

E&RMommy · November 2012

Food, help with errands, money (seriously - not sure how they are financially and preterm quads is going to be a huge hospital bill). Perhaps getting people at work to pool in money for them. Even just visiting the parents is a huge relief and a distraction.

Our hospital had a Ronald McDonald House where we could stay. It was great to see all of the donated products that we used (shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc).

I agree that I'd wait on gift(s) until the babies are safely home.

lovekatespade · November 2012

I don't have personal experience with the NICU, but there's a good chance I may, so take this with a grain of salt. I'd suggest offering to bring them dinner, even if its just good takeout from a restaurant, so they can have something other than hospital sandwiches for a meal. I've done this for parents who gave birth to full-term singletons, and it has always gone over really well. I'd imagine it'd be that much more appreciated by parents dealing with a long NICU stay.

You're a good friend to ask.

Jen0204 · November 2012

How close is he to this employee? One thing that might be helpful is to arrange for a cleaning service to clean their place right before the first baby comes home. I can't even imagine what they're going through with 28 weekers, but when our girls were in the NICU it would have been really nice if our friends had offered to come meet us for lunch or dinner. We always left the hospitals for meals (we just went right when they went to sleep) so that we could get a little break from the NICU and every meal was just H and I sitting there worrying about the girls. It would have been nice if some friends had come to be with us, even though at our hospital they weren't allowed to see the girls. My friend had twins 6 weeks after me and I went with her to the NICU once because she didn't want to go alone. If you guys are close to them I would ask what they want/need and say "and we're not just saying that - we will do whatever we can. If you want us to come visit, we will, if you need meals, we'll bring them, whatever you need let us know and we'll try to make it happen". Whenever people asked me what we needed I automatically replied "we're fine" because I assumed they were just being polite and no one ever pushed the issue. I'm sure they would have done whatever I asked, but sometimes a little push gets people to open up more.

You're very sweet for being so concerned.

jglandon@hotmail.com · November 2012

I agree that you shouldn't bring typical baby gifts right now. I would say at this point, focus on doing things to take care of the parents. Is there a place you can make/pick up frozen, ready-made meals? Gift cards for food/restaurants, gas, etc. A gift card to the coffee shop within the hospital (if there is one) would also be nice.

notkateanymore · November 2012

DH and the dad are close. They go to lunch every day with a group of 4 or 5 guys and they all travel to trade shows/mtgs together {They're in the medical device business} I'm going to get DH to call/text when he's back from AZ tomorrow and see what I can bring them for food. We have tons of premade options that would be good in the fridge for when they're needing somebody quick.

MelleTX · November 2012

My girls aren't here yet, but I am on hospital bedrest and the best thing people have done for me is come visit and bring food. If they are asking for visitors, then go visit. Being in the hospital and NICU can be lonely and isolating.

I would go visit during the day if you can swing it since most of their visitors probably come right after work. And offer to bring lunch or just Starbucks. Gift cards are good too because they can use them or hand them to others to pick items up for them. Maybe a gift car to their grocery store?

At this point, they don't really NEED anything for the babies so save your gift until they come home. But go visit, it will mean a lot.

yinyang124 · November 2012

I would get gift cards for restaurants near the hospital or a visa gift card that they can use in the cafeteria/wherever. Maybe you could also make some casseroles to freeze for them. I know I am too drained to cook after spendng the whole day in the NICU, and cafeteria meals/take-out gets expensive. Also, ditto the PP who suggested cleaning service. You are sweet to seek advice. Sending best wishes to the family.

Courtneyw04 · November 2012

I just had quads at 25 weeks in March. I loved when people brought us dinner from someplace so we didn't have to worry about cooking or eating hospital food. I would get her blankets she can use to put in the incubator to make the babies bed feel more 'home'. Recieving blankets worked great! They change them out every few days so we were constantly doing laundry and always thought that we could use more.

Do NOT do a money pool at the office. They may not feel comfortable with that idea. Plus with her babies being so small they automatically qualify for Medicaid to pick up anything their private insurance does not. They should have a social worker getting them set up. It is not based on income when they are that small.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions! Tell her good job to getting to 28 weeks with quads!

keg · November 2012

yinyang124:
I would get gift cards for restaurants near the hospital or a visa gift card that they can use in the cafeteria/wherever. Maybe you could also make some casseroles to freeze for them. I know I am too drained to cook after spendng the whole day in the NICU, and cafeteria meals/take-out gets expensive. Also, ditto the PP who suggested cleaning service. You are sweet to seek advice. Sending best wishes to the family.

Ditto all of this. We also have a local place that will deliver complete prepared meals that require very little prep time and are very tasty(https://www.insteadofflowers.com/). Maybe there is something similar in your area.

notkateanymore · November 2012

Courtneyw04:
I just had quads at 25 weeks in March. I loved when people brought us dinner from someplace so we didn't have to worry about cooking or eating hospital food. I would get her blankets she can use to put in the incubator to make the babies bed feel more 'home'. Recieving blankets worked great! They change them out every few days so we were constantly doing laundry and always thought that we could use more.
Do NOT do a money pool at the office. They may not feel comfortable with that idea. Plus with her babies being so small they automatically qualify for Medicaid to pick up anything their private insurance does not. They should have a social worker getting them set up. It is not based on income when they are that small.
Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions! Tell her good job to getting to 28 weeks with quads!

I'm going to go pick up a pack of A&A blankets...I mean, they come in packs of 4, it's fate! Other than that I'll bring dinner with us and possibly arrange to have something else sent to the house.

She was in the hospital on bedrest starting around 20 weeks I believe, so I know they're so tired of the hospital already.

mccall0113 · November 2012

If they have to travel a distance, maybe gas cards? are there older siblings? Maybe a small toy for the sibs, so they don't feel left out. Good luck to the family!

E&RMommy · November 2012

Courtneyw04:

I just had quads at 25 weeks in March. I loved when people brought us dinner from someplace so we didn't have to worry about cooking or eating hospital food. I would get her blankets she can use to put in the incubator to make the babies bed feel more 'home'. Recieving blankets worked great! They change them out every few days so we were constantly doing laundry and always thought that we could use more.

Do NOT do a money pool at the office. They may not feel comfortable with that idea. Plus with her babies being so small they automatically qualify for Medicaid to pick up anything their private insurance does not. They should have a social worker getting them set up. It is not based on income when they are that small.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions! Tell her good job to getting to 28 weeks with quads!

Just because you would not feel comfortable with the money doesn't mean they will. The expense of multiples is huge as we all know. College money, diaper money, childcare money. Any and all of it helps. Don't assume everyone feels the same way you do. Cash is better than flowers that die in a few days.

notkateanymore · November 2012

I think they would feel OK with the money, though he is one of the higher paid employees in the company, so maybe not. I mentioned it to DH this morning when we talked {he's traveling as usual} and he's going to talk to the other guy he's with and see what they think. This is a fairly close company, smaller {40-50 ppl} and everybody has worked there forever. Well, except my husband who's only been there for 2 years this January. The dad has been there for 10 yrs I think.

leviandlandensmom · November 2012

Ditto what the PPs have said, restaurant or grocery store gift cards, getting people at your husband's work to donate money to go toward their hospital bills, a gift certificate for a house cleaning company, etc.

snoangel79 · November 2012

I would get starbucks or dunks cards for the parents and maybe wait or even get a BRU or BBB gift card so they can get the diapers/wipes of their choice, or anything else they may need when they come home. Also a new memory card for their camera so they can take a ton of pictures!

The nicest gift I got and I just got reminded by pp was a blanket from PB for my twins with their names embroidered. I put it on top of their isolette. They were just pink and blue simple soft blankets but I love them!! This to me wouldn't be an unwelcome gift even if something bad were to god forbid happen. With the visiting thing I'd wait. This is overwhelming and you wouldn't be able to see the babies. The only people that came and saw my children in the NICU were my parents, in-laws, sisters, and my best friend. Also as PP said nice homemade meals that they can just throw in the oven are awesome! Maybe even a little basket with luna bars, nuts, coffee card etc would be so cute and welcome!!

mommyof4boys · November 2012

When our twins were born (32 weekers), his job did a money pool and bought us things off of our registery. They gave the rest of the money to us to help with parking, take out, etc.

Mrs. Alice · November 2012

I had 28 weekers too. The preemie board on here has a blog and here is a link to help you out:

https://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/p/what-can-i-do-for-my-friend.html

notallisonmarie22 · November 2012

I agree to hold off on the gifts. There is nothing they need more right now than your love, your prayers, your company, your support and FOOD!! You are a good friend to come here and ask this. Good luck to your coworker and her family.

Want a personalized experience?

What to do for quads born at 28 weeks...

Re: What to do for quads born at 28 weeks...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards