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Not a happy mommy...

najzomaxnajzomax member
in May 2012 Moms

I have two stepsons, 12 and 10, and the older one has a bad attitude and behaviour issues in general. He's always been indifferent to his sister but lately he's been aggressive. He will tell her she's "retarded", gets angry when she cries or makes any kind of noise, has tried to wreck her stuff when he's mad at his Dad and today was "pretending" he was going to punch her. DH kept addressing it but he wouldn't stop so I got angry and told him that was enough. He said he was kidding and I told him I didn't care, if he can't be nice then just ignore her.

i am really starting to not want him around LO.  He's not a positive influence in her life and I'm worried how his behaviour is going to affect her but I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell DH his son can't come over but how do I let him if I think he's going to hurt her? Has anyone got any suggestions? Our house isn't very big so the only way to avoid him is for LO and I to play in the bedroom on our bed and I can't do that all day...

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Re: Not a happy mommy...

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    littleredfishlittleredfish member

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I would XP to blended families for some really first hand advice but being from a blended family myself I'd say it's CLASSIC jealousy.

    My SB was like this toward my younger sister when his dad moved in with my mom. He would push her and hit her and throw things at her. He never acted out toward me but I was older and bigger. It sounds like he's having a lot of trouble adapting to his dad having a new kid.

    Being the oldest can be tough, and I can definitly attest to that. You feel like the babies get all the attention and you get kind of pushed aside because you can "take care of yourself". It may not seem to you guys like he's being left out but it's very possible he feels that way.

    I'd have DH take him out for some 1 on 1 time and ask HIM how he's feeling and why he's acting that way. He's old enough to articulate it, and maybe if he's alone with DH they can discuss why it's happening, what needs to change, and how to fix it.

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    najzomaxnajzomax member
    Thanks. DH and SS will have so,e alone time this afternoon so I will get him to talk to him then. 
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    littleredfishlittleredfish member

    I think it would really help. Also it's easy for kids to feel ganged up on when both parents are there so 1 on 1 will make less likely to shut down or get defensive.

    Good Luck :)

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    bellelambbellelamb member
    I'm not sure about the step aspect but I know my 8 year old is acting out, not towards his brothers but in general not trying to do things he should. I know part is jealousy, so we try to make one on one time which helps.

    BUT in our house who ever is misbehaving gets sent to another room not the rest of us. If your ss is doing unkind or unsafe things you and lo shouldn't be the ones to go hide, ss should be sent to his room to sit, if that's not an option then he should be sent to the kitchen to read or do another quite alone activity.
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