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Vacation Question, are there any problems with this?

sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
in Blended Families

I know similar questions are asked all the time but I couldn't find anything with the search function.

DH and I are taking the kids to Disney World this summer. We want to surprise the kids and don't plan on telling them until It's time to get in the car or maybe even after we are on the road. 

 The BM in our situation isn't very nice. It's possible that she would keep the secret but it is very very unlikely. DH and I have several reasons for wanting to keep the trip a secret and aren't willing to consider telling the kids. 

We are working around the CO on timing so BM won't lose or need to trade any parenting time. According to the CO when we take a child out of state for more than 72hrs we need to notify the other parent and give a basic itinerary. The CO doesn't specify how far in advance the other parent needs this. 

Our plan is to pick the kids up at our exchange point at 5pm. BM's BF usually does the exchange. As the kids are getting in the car give BF the itinerary in an envelop to give to BM. Apologize for the short notice but explain that we worked hard to keep it a secret and didn't want the kids to accidently overhear a conversation and find out. When the kids get back to our house surprise them with the trip and leave our house around 8pm.

 BM will probably get pissy but there isn't a way we could take the kids to Disney that doesn't involve her getting pissy. Is there anything about this plan as far as BM goes that sounds like a horrible idea? Anything I haven't thought of that I should consider? TIA.

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Re: Vacation Question, are there any problems with this?

  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Well, I think it really depends. What if situations were reversed? Would you and DH be upset? All I ever think about these situations is treat the other parent how you would like to be treated, because chances are she will use this as an excuse to do something shady back to you later. Imagine the "well you didn't tell me about Disney, I didn't think I needed to tell you about this" backlash later on. If you can deal with that, then go for it.
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member

    imageSimpleJane:
    Well, I think it really depends. What if situations were reversed? Would you and DH be upset? All I ever think about these situations is treat the other parent how you would like to be treated, because chances are she will use this as an excuse to do something shady back to you later. Imagine the "well you didn't tell me about Disney, I didn't think I needed to tell you about this" backlash later on. If you can deal with that, then go for it.

    I did think about things being reversed. As long as the situation were similar in that BM not telling us didn't affect our time with the kids and didn't involved travel to another country I wouldn't have a problem with it. 

    I'm sure there will be some backlash for this but with BM there is always something she is upset about. Usually it doesn't make any sense. At least this time I'll know where it's coming from.

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    My only concern is if she calls to talk to the kids after she finds out and before you tell the kids. How will you handle that part? Personally I do not find this to be that big of a deal, you are essentially telling her, "oh by the way during the week we will be away and here is our info.". I would minimize the apology, don't come off rude but make it very casual as if you did not give it a second thought because it is no big deal since they will be back before the handoff. Does she normally talk to the kids on your time? Maybe include that you will have them call her when you arrive so she knows they arrived safe the same way I still call my Mom when on vacation.

    And feel free to say no but can you divuldge why the secret? I want to do this one time with my kids, they have been twice but a surprise vacation would be a blast.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member

    imageLittlejen22:
    My only concern is if she calls to talk to the kids after she finds out and before you tell the kids. How will you handle that part? Personally I do not find this to be that big of a deal, you are essentially telling her, "oh by the way during the week we will be away and here is our info.". I would minimize the apology, don't come off rude but make it very casual as if you did not give it a second thought because it is no big deal since they will be back before the handoff. Does she normally talk to the kids on your time? Maybe include that you will have them call her when you arrive so she knows they arrived safe the same way I still call my Mom when on vacation. And feel free to say no but can you divuldge why the secret? I want to do this one time with my kids, they have been twice but a surprise vacation would be a blast.

    BM has never called to talk to the kids in the almost 5 years DH and I have been married so It's a non issue.

    DH and I planned to take the kids to Disney in the summer of 2011. We had our trip booked and the kids knew about it. They were really excited. After we booked our trip the TSA changed their screening procedures. I have PTSD and can't handle them. Driving wasn't an option then. We had to tell the kids they we weren't going. I'm afraid if we tell them in advance they will think something else will happen to where we can't go.

    When we were planning a trip before we showed the kids the vacation planning DVD and they saw all of  the things there were to do. I did gently break the news that they weren't tall enough to do some specific things that they wanted. There were some other things they wanted to do that we can't/ aren't doing. If we keep it a surprise they wont have time to think about what they could be doing. I want them to focus on the fun they are having and not what they are missing out on. 

    Our My adoptive mom and DH's mom are flying and meeting us there. We wont be telling the kids until we get there and they see them so that will be another surprise. My bio mom lives almost exactly halfway from our house and Disney so we will be stopping at her house for breakfast on the way. We are also debating telling the kids we are going to see her and then letting her tell them where we are really going. 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Sunday like a blast. And I agree with not telling them. Good luck.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • twister22twister22 member

    Personally, I would give more notice than that. I would be super pissed at BD if he pulled that.

    Here's what I would do: Tell BM via email a week or so in advance that you and DH will be taking the kids on a trip, and will be giving her the itinerary at pick up because you do not want the surprise to be ruined for the sks.

    image
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  • Jessys_GirlJessys_Girl
    imagetwister22:

    Personally, I would give more notice than that. I would be super pissed at BD if he pulled that.

    Here's what I would do: Tell BM via email a week or so in advance that you and DH will be taking the kids on a trip, and will be giving her the itinerary at pick up because you do not want the surprise to be ruined for the sks.

    This.  I would just say "Hey, we're taking an out of state trip on our time.  It won't affect pickups or drop offs or anything, so no worries there.  Will bring the itinerary with us when we come to pick up." And if she asks for it in advance, either a) blow her off for a few days or b) flat out tell ehr it's a surprise for the kids and you don't want the info out there/floating around until you have them with you.

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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    imagetwister22:

    Personally, I would give more notice than that. I would be super pissed at BD if he pulled that.

    Here's what I would do: Tell BM via email a week or so in advance that you and DH will be taking the kids on a trip, and will be giving her the itinerary at pick up because you do not want the surprise to be ruined for the sks.

    Another vote for this. I think it's the perfect compromise.

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imagenew+tothis:
    imagetwister22:

    Personally, I would give more notice than that. I would be super pissed at BD if he pulled that.

    Here's what I would do: Tell BM via email a week or so in advance that you and DH will be taking the kids on a trip, and will be giving her the itinerary at pick up because you do not want the surprise to be ruined for the sks.

    Another vote for this. I think it's the perfect compromise.


    This is a good idea if there is no chance of her keeping the kids from you.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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