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Ginlyn0
member
Way to start the weekend...(vent)
Ginlyn0
member
Earlier this week I called DH while I was at work right before DD got out of school for the day and asked him to make sure DD called her dad (as a courtesy) and reminded him she was out for Thanksgiving Break on Friday. Since it's our Thanksgiving that means he looses this weekend. BD doesn't always answer when I call and so I didn't want to play phone tag at work. BD doesn't keep track of the school calendar very well at least he never did before SM. SM was always the one good about that.
So tonight, I get a phone call right 5 mins past meeting time from BD. He said since we are never late without calling he figured out DD must be out of school for Thanksgiving as of today. He had "guessed" that she wouldn't be out until after Tuesday. I apologized profusely to him and told him I was under the impression DD had talked to him this week and if had known she had not I would have called him myself. (Technically I don't think its' my responsibility to remind him, and he does know how to get to her school calendar online because they've used it before to plan trips.) So I ask DH about it, he says he talked to DD and thought she called him. I went to DD and she claims to know nothing about it and she hadn't even thought about it. She said DH did not tell her to call him. I came back and told DH that if he forgot to tell her just to let me know. He said he didn't forget and that he did tell her but it's not that big of a deal. I tell him it is a big deal if she is lying to me she should get in trouble for lying. He's like maybe she didn't hear me. DD does have issues paying attention (hello, she has ADHD & Asperger's so she zones out) and DH knows this. So either someone's lying or DH should have done a better job of making sure DD heard him.
BD seemed fine with it but I felt bad. His parents house where I think he is still staying is about 30 mins from the meet spot. My only hope is that since I could hear his other DD in the car, that he had been to pick her up from SM which is further out and was headed back to his parents.
Note to self: never trust that BD will ever pay attention to the school calendar on his own even though our CO specifies certain holidays align with the school calendar and never trust DD or DH to make sure he is reminded. Darn men...
DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Way to start the weekend...(vent)
That does sound frustrating. Like you, I'd be more concerned about the communication issue with Dh and DD. I would probably sit them down together and ask them to each tell their sides of the story with the condition that whatever happened nobody would get any punishments as long as they told the truth during that conversation. Maybe it was innocent and she just didn't hear - maybe not. At least that's a step in the right direction.
As for BD and scheduling... I feel your frustration! DS BD is the same way. I set up a Google Calendar so he would always know when his parenting time is but he still gets it all messed up. I end up sending him an email 2 weeks before and the night before to remind him. He gets upset if he forgets about it. I agree it's not your responsibility but if it's not too difficult I would keep trying to remind him or have a conversation with him about remembering it.
I understand your frustration, but if you don't involve yourself, BD will learn to check up on the calendar on himself as long as there are consequences for his actions (ie: having to change plans or not seeing DD when he was looking forward to it). Or not.
It's BD's job. He is presumably a fully functioning adult. It's not DD's job to remind him of her schedule. Apart from her special needs - she's 13!!! Don't place expectations on her to "make up" for the fact that her dad is lazy. Why turn her into a co-dependant, taking responsiblity for her dad?
Ditto your H - it's not his daughter or his visitation! Yes, nice to help out "the family," (you, DD) but there now is a lot of drama in your house about lying, "not trying hard enough...." The person who obviously did not "try to hard" is your X!
Edited to add: AND, you could have taken care of his yourself....but your X doesn't always answer your phone calls. So you add more layers to the telephone line and get frustrated at your "helpers" when BD doesn't get the message? He does not make it easy, so step back and let him figure out the schedule for himself.
I had to laugh about no body getting in trouble, this is her husband and her daughter, what will be his punishment, no sex?
This. BD needs natural consequences for not paying attention to calendar. If he thinks he can rely on you to remind him, he will. I know it would make me feel bad too, but this was a valuable lesson for him.