BFing vent/confession

coromble · November 2012

I'm sure some people will lash out at me for this...but I really don't like breastfeeding. LO is four months, it was really painful for the first 3.5. But even now that it's not painful, it's just annoying. It's inconvenient to find a comfortable place when I'm out, I spray everywhere and so I feel like I'm a milky mess at the end of it! My clothes, my hands and DD's face (and the boppy!) is sopping wet! I know "breast is best" for my LO, which is why I'm sticking with it, but I really don't enjoy it, nor do I feel anymore connected to LO because of it!

Vent over

Dochas · November 2012

I didn't love doing it either. It didn't magically get better and 6 weeks, 12 weeks or whatever other week people claim all the trouble ends. But I look back on it now with nothing but happiness and I'm really glad I did it. But it's hard. It's hard!

barnwife · November 2012

The first 6 months of J.'s life were awful regarding BF. I had mastitis twice in the first month. I developed the worst cracked nipple my midwife has ever seen. Then I had mastitis again and again. Add in plugged ducts and thrush (again and again) and it wasn't fun. I leaked like mad.

On top of that, J. struggled with weight gain, so I felt like a failure. And he spit up massively. I changed myself and him several times a day (one feeding could soak more than 6 burp cloths in addition to our clothes). I washed my boppy pillows once a week (I had 2 so I would still have one when the other was being washed).

It was not a fun time...and then it got better. As he learned to sit up, he spit up less. He started gaining weight.

And I realized that was enjoying our nursing sessions. (When I made it to 12 weeks of BF, DH and I shared a bottle of champagne because with all the issues I never thought I'd get there.) So to get to a place where I enjoyed it was incredible.

I am so glad I stuck with it. I think he's close to weaning now, and it makes me sad.

Oh, and fwiw, nursing A. has been wonderful from the beginning. No problems at all.

I am sorry you are struggling with certain things now. I hope it gets easier!

Ms Molly · November 2012

No judgement here- it is hard! When I made it a month, I felt so accomplished. For me, it did get easier around 6 weeks and I didn't have the problems you had. Just keep at it as long as its good for you and your family. You're doing great, mama!

shotzie · November 2012

Bf'ing is hard. I didn't really enjoy it till DD1 was 5/6 months. I've had an easier time with DD2, besides having to be dairy, soy, and nut free.

Sounds like you have an oversupply and over active letdown. You can feed LO from the same side for a few feedings in a row for a couple days to reduce your supply. You can also try leaning back when nursing to slow the flow of your milk. The site kellymom.com has more tips on block feeding to fix oversupply and other tips for a fast letdown.

mrswright2006 · November 2012

I have felt like that off and on MANY times over the years (I nursed DD until she self-weaned at 2 years, and am still nursing DS twice a day). I am so ready to be DONE, but at the same time I am not. He is our last kid, so any milestone is bittersweet. For me, nursing was not an option for the first year, because of finances (formula would have busted our grocery budget), and that was the ONLY thing that kept me from giving up ... and then by the time they hit 1, I was so used to it, I barely noticed. I do have to say, in my experience the oversupply thing does decrease as they get older - or at least that was my experience.

KatieKim0815 · November 2012

This post resonates with me. I actually am scared/excited to BF again. I didn't like it the first time around and am actually seeing a counsellor about my anxiety about it just because for me it links into being sexually assaulted when I was little. So it's been tough for me to love it too.

Can I maybe suggest something that's helped me? Are you leaking from your non BFing breast when you're breastfeeding? I had this and just bought the Milk SAver to try and that helps collect it.

I think it's noble of you to admit you don't love it. I never got how women get mushy over it!

britbratjf · November 2012

I have a 4 month old too and I've never loved it. I feel guilty too because I have never had any problems [knock on wood] but I just ready to have my body back to myself. But I'm going to keep going because its so much cheaper and more convenient. We do give DD a bottle occassionally and I hate washing them!

Alliebooberz · November 2012

It is hard! The leaking and spraying SHOULD stop soon! Hang in there!

Notwifezilla7 · November 2012

You are not alone.

I know there are people out there that are super lovey dovey w/BFing, feel like it gives them this incredibly special bond with their LO, etc etc. However, for me it was simply about logistics. I went in w/an open mind w/DD1. I figured, I'd try it, if it worked great if not then no big deal. I didn't hate it, per say, but looking back, I realized how much of a time consuming process BFing can be, especially when your LO refuses bottles. (That was DD2).

I did it because there's no doubt breast milk is best. My boobs worked. My girls were good eaters, and in a nutshell, it's cheap. I'll do it again with this kid, hopefully for another year.

I will admit, with kid 2, a lot of the self consciousness I had with NIP w/kid 1 were gone, thus I felt a lot less isolated and had an easier time.

Hang in there! Honestly, if you decide to stop now, or tomorrow or a week or a month or a year from now, it's not a race. No one will ask nor does matter how long you or even if you BF. It's about finding what works for you and your LO.

PrimRoseMama · November 2012

I had a hard time with pain even though DD had a great latch. I am going to try my very best the second time around.

Nel11 · November 2012

Breastfeeding can be very difficult and very emotionally draining- good for you for sticking to it!

We had major, major issues bfing. DD lost 1.5 pounds in 4 days, I had no supply, we went to several lactation consultants, a pediatric ENT, tried every tincture, herb, tea, medication, etc. I was nursing, supplementing and/or pumping literally every hour for 3 months. At 3 months I went to exclusively pumping because that was the best way to get DD the most breastmilk possible, but I still had to supplement 1/3 to 1/2 her milk with formula. I stopped pumping just shy of 7 months. All this to say, I know how hard it is! I thought I would love nursing and once we got through that first month or so it would be so great. What helped me is thinking about how wonderful breastmilk is for baby (and for you!), and that even though it seems like you will be nursing forever, in reality she is only little for a short time! I know that it's hard to think like that in the moment, but it did help me stay positive through the tough times.

Good luck!

wheelsonthebus · November 2012

I hated it at first too. It is so very hard and I feel like nobody ever tells you that! It didn't get easier for me until 5-6 months with DS and 4 months with my DD. I nursed my son until he was 2. I ended up really enjoying our nursing moments. I'm started to feel the same way about nursing DD. It's something that takes time and chances are you'll end up loving it! haha

Oh, and I wanted to add that I also had a fast let down and over supply. Have you tried nursing on only one side per feeding? With DD I had to nurse from the same side for FOUR hours to get everything under control. What a difference that makes though. It's much more enjoyable when you aren't in pain and soaking wet!

nosoup4u · November 2012

shotzie:

Sounds like you have an oversupply and over active letdown. You can feed LO from the same side for a few feedings in a row for a couple days to reduce your supply. You can also try leaning back when nursing to slow the flow of your milk. The site kellymom.com has more tips on block feeding to fix oversupply and other tips for a fast letdown.

I was thinking this, too. Definitely try those tips, and maybe pop the baby off and cover your nipple with a burp cloth when you have your first let down.

Nursing is endless those first few months! I personally prefer nursing older babies and toddlers, bc it's more about the connection and less life drudgery of being someone's food source ;. Hang in there!

FormerlyKrista555 · November 2012

Breastfeeding sucks in the beginning. It really does.

I remember with DD, I hated every second of it in the first few months. I really, really loathed it. Even now with DS, there are still moments where I'm like "ok.. please hurry up kiddo because I am so over it."

But then, little by little, it gets easier and easier.

It was funny, because while I couldn't wait for DD to wean, I also cried a little when she did. It's such an amazing "off" button for when your baby has any sort of problem- gas, teething, bonked his head, etc.

You're at the point now where you're going to see some things get better very soon. Your baby will start rice cereal/baby food soon, and that helps a TON. Also, the older they get, the more they know what they're doing and you can just sort of put them in front of the nipple and they do the rest of the work..lol

Take heart. I successfully breastfed my DD until she self-weaned at 14 months, and I've been breastfeeding DS for almost 9. I've done it with no pumping and no supplementing, because for some reason my breasts don't respond well to pumps.

You can do it, and you don't need to feel warm and fuzzy while you do. It's very normal to not enjoy it-- especially in the first few months. .

sophie206 · November 2012

We won't lash out at your for that--I thought BFing was a lot of work, especially at first.

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