do both mom and dad need to agree on circ?

ConstanceGoodspeed · November 2012

What happens if, at the hospital, the mother and father still can't agree on whether or not to circumcise? Do both sides need to agree before the hospital will do it?

We're getting closer to due date and still disagree.

Amanda&EricB · November 2012

I'm guessing that the mother has the final say. She gets the final say on almost everything else. The dad is just there. Ya know?

Having said that, I think it's really important to come to some sort of agreement. Maybe talk to your OB, or a pediatrician?

oliversmommy32912 · November 2012

The mom gets the final say on anything that happens with he baby. I'm surprised to hear your hospital does circs.... None of the hospitals in our area do, they are all done by the pedi or ob in office after the baby is born. I guess I just assumed that's how it was everywhere.

choppinbroccoli22 · November 2012

oliversmommy32912:
The mom gets the final say on anything that happens with he baby. I'm surprised to hear your hospital does circs.... None of the hospitals in our area do, they are all done by the pedi or ob in office after the baby is born. I guess I just assumed that's how it was everywhere.

Is this the legal answer?

Jenilyn and Matthew · November 2012

I don't know what the legal answer is, but if you can't come to an agreement, just put it off! While I don't know much about it, I know it can and has been done later on, even years later, so don't rush into one side or the other just to "make a decision". The safest bet is probably to NOT do it, since it's not something you can undo, and wait until you can agree, do more research, or let him decide for himself when he's much older.

ConstanceGoodspeed · November 2012

Thanks ladies. Yes, our hospital does circ's.

I trust my husband and I hope he wouldn't do anything I oppose, but I was curious what the hospital would do if the mom was sleeping or something, what rights the father has and if the father can make decisions.

I don't know if we'll ever "agree" but I would like us to not feel resentment towards each other every time we think about it. We both love our son very much already and fight about this because we want the best for him.

AmyRI · November 2012

Well, technically only mother can make the decision in my hospital. However, I think it's really important that both parents agree with the decision. And I believe that if you can't agree, you need to air on the side of caution and NOT circ. It is not reversible but can be done later in life (as painful as it will be then).

jinnymb · November 2012

You can have it done in the first month of life by a pediatric urologist. This is who we use since the OB did not do a great job on our first son.

If you guys are not in agreement maybe you could schedule a consultation with one right after DS is born and get a much clearer picture of what happens, why or why not to do it, and make an informed decision together.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for this, but you both need to make the decision together. I would think an actual urologist would be best equipped to inform you completely so you can make your decision. Good luck!!

Alliebooberz · November 2012

I believe the mom has to make that decision since that's the only adult for sure the hospital knows is the parent. I agree with PP, if you are on the fence, don't do it until you are sure because you can't go back!

Celyn · November 2012

In my experience, they won't do it unless the mother signs the consent. I'm not sure what happens if its the dad who doesn't consent. I've never seen that happen.

will'sbeachprincess · November 2012

As someone who worked in healthcare, I canNOT see a provider performing an elective procedure on a newborn if they are aware that one of the parents does not want it.

blush64 · November 2012

will'sbeachprincess:
As someone who worked in healthcare, I canNOT see a provider performing an elective procedure on a newborn if they are aware that one of the parents does not want it.

When I had my sons their father had no say in anything unless I allowed it while in the hospital. We were married but unless I allowed him in the birthing room and to visit after, he would have been told to leave.

I got all the paper work for everything and I was the only one asked about circumcision. (paperwork for the statement of live birth which will register the birth, the health card info-I'm in Ontario, was all in my name.)

I could have had my sons circumcised no matter what their father said. I don't think happily married people would have their spouse removed from their room and not allow them to visit while in the hospital, or make serious decisions alone, but just after giving birth there's not much the father could do.

EDIT I'm not saying this is right or that people should do it. But unless the mother puts the father's name on the birth certificate he would have to go to court and get a paternity test ordered just to get rights to see the baby at all. I was married and still had the choice of what I put on the registration of live birth.

oliversmommy32912 · November 2012

choppinbroccoli22:
oliversmommy32912:
The mom gets the final say on anything that happens with he baby. I'm surprised to hear your hospital does circs.... None of the hospitals in our area do, they are all done by the pedi or ob in office after the baby is born. I guess I just assumed that's how it was everywhere.
Is this the legal answer?

I don't know about legal vs hospital policy but I will say at my hospital my husband did not sign one piece of paper for my son and they did not ask his opinion on any decision being made from bathing to blood work.

Suesse2009 · November 2012

Just a lurker :-) But I work with babies in a hospital. As far as consents go if you are married either the mom or the dad can sign consents. If the parents are not married then only mom can sign them.

Nechie122 · November 2012

The answer depends on your state.

GoldenPeaches · November 2012

jinnymb:
You can have it done in the first month of life by a pediatric urologist. This is who we use since the OB did not do a great job on our first son.
If you guys are not in agreement maybe you could schedule a consultation with one right after DS is born and get a much clearer picture of what happens, why or why not to do it, and make an informed decision together.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for this, but you both need to make the decision together. I would think an actual urologist would be best equipped to inform you completely so you can make your decision. Good luck!!

I wouldn't trust somebody who stands to gain money on a procedure to be unbiased.

tortuga47 · November 2012

I think either can give consent and you can definitely postpone it. If both parents aren't in agreement, I think I would not do it (personally.) I WILL however say that with the insurance I have, if it is done right after birth at the hospital it is INCLUDED in the hospital cost. If it is not, it is an additional $3500 out patient procedure, even if you walk out and walk right back in. So, a costly thing to postpone IF you do think you will ultimately do it. You might want to verify the costs and charges in advance. I was really surprised to learn that about my plan.

BLPL101 · November 2012

If I was in this situation, I'd let my husband decide. My husband rarely has very strong opinions so I'd go with what he wanted on this.

tbone_bride · November 2012

Jenilyn and Matthew:
I don't know what the legal answer is, but if you can't come to an agreement, just put it off! While I don't know much about it, I know it can and has been done later on, even years later, so don't rush into one side or the other just to "make a decision". The safest bet is probably to NOT do it, since it's not something you can undo, and wait until you can agree, do more research, or let him decide for himself when he's much older.

This was the argument that I used with my DH. He wanted to do it & I didn't. Ultimately we didn't do it. However, I did ask my OB, she said only one parent's consent is needed to perform the procedure. That scared me, but I know DH would never agree to the procedure if I didn't.

Good luck!

b2b999 · November 2012

At my hospital they went over the circumcision question at the pre-admission check in, at the same time we reviewed my birth plan, so at that point we had to check a box (either yes to circ or no), we ended up having a girl so it wasn't an issue but since we were still on the fence (we never did reach a consensus) they had me check the no box but warned me that they would likely ask me again. However, she made it very clear that they would ask ME, not my DH.

SunnyMuffin · November 2012

If you are really worried about it, you don't need to be. Its not like your husband is going to book the appt all by himself, scoop the baby one day when you're not looking and take him to the dr to be circumcised. You are always going to get the final say. If in doubt.. don't.

If you are worried about it being done in the hospital, if you voice your opinion regarding keeping your baby intact, there's not a fat chance your husband will be able to carry him over to the nursery and have a doctor perform it.

resilient61 · November 2012

Our ped did the surgery for our son at the hospital, and I was the one who signed the consent. I was very picky about everything else, but left this one decision up to my husband. He's the one that has one after all and know the ins & outs, pun not originally intended but it works. I know when it comes to kids moms usually know best, but when it came to the circ I'd rather let dad be responsible for that decision.

Bride-hilda · November 2012

BLPL101:
If I was in this situation, I'd let my husband decide. My husband rarely has very strong opinions so I'd go with what he wanted on this.

*claps*

Bride-hilda · November 2012

Pick a date coming up where the two of you will sit down and make your final decision, and in the mean time continue to discuss and research each other's choice.

This way the due date won't be the point of no return, (it'll be this other date you've chosen.) And speak to men who've had them done and men who haven't.

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