Does any of your moms live with you or near by?

cheystar27 · November 2012

I live an hour away from my mother and recently she asked if she can move in. This is my first child and I am just now starting my own family.

I don't want her to live lonely by herself, but I want have my own life away from the parents.

I mean it has its pros and cons, but I have enjoyed living away from home. Although, she came to me and asked.

She is my mom, I can't just flat out say no. Plus she is a sweetheart. I guess the only reason why I don't want to say yes is because I like my privacy and life with soon to be family. But she is my mother, family too... Right?

Idk what to do.

Any advice.

kateryna72 · November 2012

My parents frequently joke about moving to our town (they live about 3 hours away), but I think I'd have to put my foot down if that teasing turned serious. I love my parents, and I really hope my mom will come up to help once the baby is born. However, I think it's really important for my hubby and I to bond with our child and form our own family. I also don't feel like it would be fair to my husband, because I love my in laws but it would be super awkward to live with them.

Maybe you could just explain that it was really sweet of her to offer, but you need time to bond with your family and you don't want to become dependent on her. I'd suggest maybe setting up a regular date with her (i.e. weekly lunch or dinner or something), so that she doesn't feel completely left out?

Unknown · November 2012

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cheystar27 · November 2012

Her house has a lot of issues and just fed up with it, my grandmother lives with her. If my grandmother decides to move in with my uncle, my mom wants to move in with me.

I hope they find a house together.

ebn835 · November 2012

My mom moved in with my husband and I a little over a year ago after my dad died. She hurt her back soon after he died, so she retired early from her nursing career. She's slowly moving in, but pretty much lives here. Her house is in the country about an hour and a half away from me. It was my husband's idea that she move in with us, actually. I think he regrets it at times, but is mostly good with it. We are finishing our basement so she has her own space, and she will be our daycare when I go back to work. There are definite pros and cons, but for me it came down to not being able to stand the thought of her being alone out in the country, not working and just sitting. It made more sense than her paying rent, too. Good luck with your decision! Hopefully she'll be ok either way you go.

SarahRae85 · November 2012

I love my mom. I consider her my best friend and am eagerly anticipating her week long visit shortly after this LO is born, but I would hate her living with me. She'd do her best to be unobtrusive and respect it as my house, but we'd eventually drive each other nuts.

However, if there's any way she could move closer (find her an affordable place of modest distance in town), then she could not be lonely, and you could both still have your own lives. Plus, built in free babysitting. But, that would also depend on your mom's ability to respect boundaries and maybe find a new social circle in town to have her own life.

emriley84 · November 2012

My mom lives 5 minutes from me. I see her probably 5x/week. She's my best friend. She adores DS and helps me a ton with him. If she needed a place to stay I would welcome her with open arms, but I don't think I'd want it to be a permanent solution. I like my privacy, I just feel like my mom and I would butt heads if she lives here. How to cook, clean, raise our kids, etc.

wittyschaffy · November 2012

My Mom lives about 10 minutes away. I love her, she is helpful, and over all fantastic - but she can not live with me or we'd kill eachother.

PipSqueak0313 · November 2012

My parents lived 2 miles away from us when dd was born and they lived with us for about a month while some major home repairs were done to their house. Then we moved in with them for almost 2 months between the time our house sold and when we were able to move into our new home (found out I was pg with ds during that time). Then my mom moved in with us a few months after we moved in while she tried to sort out her marriage. Having her living with us was a mixed blessing as my ex was unable to do some of his abusive antics while my mom was there to witness and she was there to watch dd when my water broke in the middle of the night.

Skip to when my dd is in high school and once again my mom is living a couple miles away from us, this time in Arizona while my dad is living in Kansas. Mom had her own place but we invited her to join us most nights for supper since cooking for 5 was just as easy as cooking for 4. My kids would ask her to come over after school when they didn't feel like being home alone (more to it than that, but we'll leave it at that). Finally after 16+ years, the kids and I moved in with my mom and I filed for divorce. When the truth came to light, I was thankful I had my mom's 24/7 assistance. The kids, my mom and I fled AZ shortly after ex was arrested for felony child abuse of dd since they released him pending trial and we went back to the midwest. In all we lived together for about 2 years from the time we moved in with her until she moved to live closer to one of her sisters. It was hard for her to go back to a grandmother role after having to take on parental role during those 2.5 years. But since I've gotten re-married she has given up that parental role to my dh and slowly stepped back to being just a grandma again.

Now, her health is failing and we're waiting for the day when she needs to move in with us due to not being able to live independantly. Something I promised her I would willingly do after all she did for us from 2008-2011.

OP, I can't give you advice for you and your family but I know having my mom around when ds was born didn't interfere with my ability to bond with ds and my mom knew that I was "queen of the castle". Yes, we had our times that we wanted to wring the other's neck and we had a few arguements, but we got through them. At the same time, my kids have a relationship with their grandma today that makes my mom's friends jealous.

Momof2Es · November 2012

My mom lives one street up from me (within walking distance). I love having her so close. She actually retired to stay home and keep my DD, and it is the best gift I could've been given. She is one of my best friends, but at the same time it is nice to have our own houses.

NovOwl · November 2012

My parents and DH's parents all live about a 5 minute drive away from us. I love having them close! Even though we don't have any kids yet, it has been a blessing having them for those little life emergencies. When baby comes I'll be glad to have the extra hands close by. We all get along very well though so I'm one of the lucky ones. As for living with us.... I don't think I'd go that far.

candreco · November 2012

My parents live about 20-25 minutes away, and for us, it's awesome. I love that DD has a really good relationship with them, especially since my sister and I grew up as the only kids in our extended family that didn't live close to grandparents on either side. They respect our privacy, no random drop ins- they always plan a time, or at least call first to see if it's a good time. My mom especially is a huge help, she is always willing to baby-sit, help out with drop offs and pick ups, etc.

But my parents also have their own lives, jobs, etc. They've got their own day to day stuff, so they're not constantly in ours. I obviously don't know your personality, your mom's, your H's, etc., but it doesn't sound like your mom is going to be going about her own business and just living at your house, and I totally understand your desire for space and privacy. If she/you can afford it, maybe help set her up in a nice apartment closer to you? That would give you both some space, and more time together.

amb04006 · November 2012

I say unless she's in such bad health that it's either your house or a nursing home, that's a big fat no.

jvaeth2012 · November 2012

My mom is my best friend and our neighbor. Yep she lives right next door. She is super easy going and doesn't ever intrude. She knows when to put her 2 cents in and when to keep quiet. She's super supportative no matter what. DH loves giving her trouble because she is so laid back. She will also be watching LO when I go back to work. My mom is an absolute blessing to have right next door!

rm2013 · November 2012

I'd vote for her moving to a small affordable place near you but not actually living with you. I have a friend whose mom moved in and it was ok at first but now is causing stress in the marriage bc her husband isn't happy with it anymore.

Happy2BPregnant · November 2012

I agree with the above posters to have her move near you but not in with you. Having her move in with you could create tension with you and your significant other. My mom does not live close to me at all and I think it's actually good for our relationship. I think we would kill each other if she moved in!

icesprincess · November 2012

I'd dig into why she asked. Does she think you need help? Is she worried about you? Is she lonely? Worried about living alone? If so why?

We PCSd and he deployed shortly after so we planned to live with my folks until he got home. And then I found out I was pregnant. This woman has worked my last nerve but if he doesn't make it home in time I don't have to go to a house with a baby by myself so that's nice (it's my first). I'm grateful for her help she's just....a food nazi. And a RN who treats me like the worst patient ever. We're....this is causing our mother daughter relationship to grow. Let's say that. It sounds nice.

icesprincess · November 2012

cheystar27:
Her house has a lot of issues and just fed up with it, my grandmother lives with her. If my grandmother decides to move in with my uncle, my mom wants to move in with me.

I hope they find a house together.

I'm lame and didn't read the whole thread. My apologies. I'd kinda be wondering if she's worried about money. You know about being stuck with repairs on another house and not being able to get out of that one?

Stellarpuppy · November 2012

I second other people's opinion that she should move nearby but not in your home. Many places have "senior living" rentals or just normal apartments/condos that she could go to (I don't know how old your mom is...mine is starting to get up there). That way you can use each other as a support but you do not have to spend your entire lives around each other. I hope she and your grandma find a solution that works for all of you!

My mom will be retiring the beginning of March and wants to come by like monday-thursday to help me out before and after the baby comes. I'm looking forward to it, but I will have to make sure she knows well ahead of time that her helping out is letting me bond with the baby while she helps cook/clean/etc. My MIL lives across town and I love being close to her. It's the number one thing that I will miss when we eventually move, because we won't be 5 minutes from ANY of our family at all. Just knowing that you can vent or ask for help and it's a short drive over is great.

I feel bad saying this but if I got to chose which family would HAVE to stay with my full time I would 100% go with my MIL/FIL. They are great people and my MIL sticks up for me when I get teased (my family loves to tease me and it gets under my skin and they know it....and then they do it even more because they see it bothers me. SO frustrating and sometimes hurtful! Feels like elementary school all over sometimes)

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