IL Drama (long, sorry)

sharksfan · November 2012

So, DH gets home from deployment early Dec (yay!). He has essentially been gone since late January (saw him a couple times Jan-Apr but haven't seen him since Apr). He has been in the Middle East and wants very much to have a white Christmas, so we're doing Christmas in Tahoe. We invited ILs (MIL, FIL, and SIL), but they declined. So, we booked a cabin for 5 days just the three of us. 4 days after getting back from Tahoe, we're flying to Missouri to visit my family. My sister's birthday is New Year's Eve, and I haven't celebrated with her in years. We're then leaving Ronin with them for a few days to get some alone time (a compromise between me and DH, who wanted the two of us to fly half way around the world without R). My family (who hasn't seen R nearly as much as my ILs who are here) are super excited about their time with R. ILs are now not speaking to me b/c we're going to be away from them on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve. I asked them if they wanted to have Christmas with us between Tahoe and Missouri (Dec 27-Dec 30-any time), but SIL told me that she refuses to choose a date in that time period b/c those options are unacceptable and she does not support my "choices" in the planning of my vacation with DH. Am I missing something here? Am I a huge bish that is keeping DH from his family? They were invited to his homecoming in San Diego (which they declined), they were invited to Christmas in Tahoe (but they declined), they were invited to celebrate any (or all) days between our two trips...how am I the bad guy? Oh, did I mention that SIL hasn't written DH at all since he left last January? They had one Skype call (that DH initiated) and one Facebook chat (that DH also initiated). There just isn't enough wine in the world sometimes...

Elsa1984 · November 2012

I must be missing something too. You invited, they declined. That's their problem.

ENJOY YOUR VACATIONS! Especially without the sourpuss IL's!

Scramblersmom · November 2012

Elsa1984:
I must be missing something too. You invited, they declined. That's their problem. ENJOY YOUR VACATIONS! Especially without the sourpuss IL's!

I couldn't have said it better. I guess the only option is what do they propose? They have not made and effort and it sound like your DH and you have a great plan.

joolz17 · November 2012

Um, no. I can see that if you didn't invite or include them that their noses may be out of joint, but that is clearly not the situation.

And it sounds like you'll be home near them for about three weeks before you whisk him away to foreign locales, right? So just plan a Christmas brunch with them for one of those nights, do a secret Santa, etc, put up a tree (even though I know you aren't planning on it) or go to a fancy hotel in the area and celebrate.

In conclusion, I'm so excited for you that your husband is coming home and I'm sorry that you have to deal with this nonsense. They are being immature, your SIL in particular.

Elsa1984 · November 2012

smit5009:
Elsa1984:
I must be missing something too. You invited, they declined. That's their problem. ENJOY YOUR VACATIONS! Especially without the sourpuss IL's!
I couldn't have said it better.  I guess the only option is what do they propose? They have not made and effort and it sound like your DH and you have a great plan.

I originally thought this too, but then I thought "who cares??"

In my opinion, if someone wanted to "make something work" they would suggest it upfront. Like "hey we really cannot afford Tahoe right now, and picking a date between your vacations feels rushed. Is there any way that maybe when you get back in January, we could all pick a date and get together? That way you guys are back and relaxed, and aren't thinking about how much you need to get done before your next vacation."

See how easy that was? Snarky, maybe. But don't biotch and complain, after not suggesting something else or going to the things already planned and invited to.

Nita2603 · November 2012

I wouldn't think about it any longer. You invited, they declined. End of story. You've done more than you have to. Dude, when my hubby and I did the long distance thing never this long and non of us was ever on dangerous missions, we never thought twice about the families for our plans when we got to be together again. You were generous to include them. Enjoy your vacation!!!!

HappyAardvark · November 2012

What a bunch of selfish jerks. No, you are not out of line. I love it when people think that doing anything but THEIR WAY means you are so mean, don't care about their feelings, blah blah blah. Must be nice to be so self absorbed.

kujayhawkgirl · November 2012

OMG, go enjoy your time with DH and R. IL's declined three times to not be with you guys and IMO, that was very nice of you to even offer three different options.

Can't wait to see you and R next weekend!

Liz4444 · November 2012

Clearly, you are a horrible person because you aren't going to go to them exactly when they want you to. You enjoy your time with your family and tell anyone who tries to make you feel badly about it to kiss your assss. If they don't like it, send them to me.

sharksfan · November 2012

kujayhawkgirl:
Can't wait to see you and R next weekend!

Woo hoo! Looking forward to it!!

Thanks for the support, ladies. ILs, you can't live with 'em, and murder is illegal. What can you do?!

CMonkey515 · November 2012

YH has been away from you and R for a long time serving his country. I think it's fair to say that he should get to do whatever he wants for the holidays. You were nice enough to invite the ILs. If they declined that's their problem. They really need to get over themselves.