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Let's talk PPD/PPA...

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
in Parenting after a Loss

Alright ladies, I think this is more of a vent, I just need to get it out. I have a hard time asking for help, and I hate to admit it, but I think I am dealing with some PPD issues, or more specifically, PPA issues. The feelings I have seem to have moved past "baby blues". I have dealt with depression before (I was on anti-depressants before I got pregnant). I really don't want to go back on medication, I didn't like how it made me feel (or rather, how it made me not feel.) On top of that, I just found out I'm losing my health coverage through my job, and I can't afford to pay for it ($600 a MONTH!). We can't really afford to add me to my husband's, so we will just be adding Cora to his, and I will go without.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions on how to deal, since I can't go see a therapist with no health coverage, and I don't want medication? I feel lost.

 

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Re: Let's talk PPD/PPA...

  • pottermommypottermommy member

    I have PPA and PTSD directly related to Kam's passing.  I wasn't diagnosed with it until they diagnosed the PPA.

    My PPA presented as completely irrational fear for Gabriel's life and it would throw me into panic attacks.  I mean I felt CRAZY.  I was afraid of the normal stuff, SIDS, sickness, car wrecks but then I was terrified of, fires, bruuglers that would come take him or kill him in his crib, the tub somehow turning on and filling his room with water, the tree in the yard falling and smashing his room, or the worst, Kamryn's spirit comming and killing him b/c we weren't good enough to have him...

    It was so bad that it would paralyze me, I couldn't even get out of bed sometimes and if I forced myself to I would have a panic attack.  That is why I had to quit work all together, b/c when the phone would ring it would flash back to when Kam died and I got the phone call at work and I would dissolve on the spot. 

    I went and saw the Dr and they gave me meds to take twice a day, I have actually weened off of the meds now but I am better mainly b/c I am not going to work.  I have only had a few panic attacks since quitting and they are completey related to G's upcomming surgery. 

    I never felt depressed or really even sad, just scared, immensely scared and I thought that if I said something they would think I was crazy and take the baby...

    Talking to your doctor is important for your health and just to know that you aren't crazy or insane you are normal, completley normal, it happens to the best of us for all different reasons.  Huge hugs I hope you find what works best for you and your family.

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  • bmv1980bmv1980 member
    I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you are able to find help, and feel more like yourself soon. As far as insurance, find your local social services office, you may be able to receive assistance. GL and hugs!
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  • tbone_bridetbone_bride member
    I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing this, MrsNorry. Like PP, I agree you have to see a doctor or therapist. No matter the cost. Your health is the most important right now. You have to stay well for your baby.

    I wish you the best. And old for you for reaching out on this board, that's the firs step!
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  • WearingRedWearingRed member
    I am sorry. I too am dealing with mild PPA. More than baby blues but not so bad I think I need help yet. Lack of sleep, a needy toddler and fear of going out alone are not helping me. I feel shut off most days which is why I am bumping so much. Or at least reading every single post. I am hoping that the holidays will help me but I am not super hopeful as I normally get mad at my family and depressed after Christmas fails to live up my plans yet again.

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  • skye83skye83 member
    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe the amount you were paying into your insurance would offset the cost of adding you to your husband's? I agree with PP that you definitely need to seek help. Maybe ask your OB if she knows of any programs that could help you?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member

    imageskye83:
    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe the amount you were paying into your insurance would offset the cost of adding you to your husband's? I agree with PP that you definitely need to seek help. Maybe ask your OB if she knows of any programs that could help you?

    I wasn't paying anything into my insurance, my employer was paying for it. It was a sweet deal, lol. So it would be a totally new cost to factor in that we can't afford. 

    Thank you ladies. I am going to contact some of the local agencies to see if there is any temporary aid that I can apply for. I hope that I qualify for something. 

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  • adoxyinherearadoxyinherear member
    I just want to hug you, because I don't know what else to do. I really hope you can find a way to get some help, insurance or no insurance.
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  • piedpiper07piedpiper07 member
    I am sorry you are going through this!! I didn't have either of those, but had a lot of issues in my marriage with DH that were causing anxiety and depression. We could not afford counselling or anything and didn't know what to do. Because as much of a priority as it is, if you have zero money, you have zero money. We started calling around the city here and found a non-profit that took us and have offered us personal and couples counselling. It has been an amazing resource and I am SO glad we took the time to find something like that. So look around, there are lots of organizations that do try to provide mental health services to people who can't afford them.  We started off by calling one of those crisis lines you always see on TV/websites and they knew exactly where to direct us.
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  • hopefulmom81hopefulmom81 member

    I suffered greatly with PPA for about 3 solid months after DD was born.  It sucks, it feels like you are losing your center and balance.  Even though you know the "rational" way of thinking, it is like the irrational thoughts trump them.

    Imp of the Mind is a great book that helps those suffering with some anxiety disorders.  My therapist suggested it to me and I found it helped me a lot to see that I wasn't alone and what was going on in my head was normal.

    Also, if you google PPD hotline, there are some 24/7 free hotlines that might be able to give you some suggestions.

     (HUGS) It gets better.

     

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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I've ignored my PPA for 21 months now. When I think I'm "over the hump" something random sets me off. For example, I've been up since 3 due to having a dream that my dog got attacked by an alligator. We have a trip to FL coming up and I know that's the cause, but my dog isn't even going with us. I imagine the worst happening. I know I need to address this with my Dr, but like you, I don't want to ask for help.
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