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May 2012 Moms
littleredfish
member
At what point CAN you spoil them?
littleredfish
member
I know when DD was a newborn our public health nurse assured us that you cannot spoil them. They only cry for their needs, so don't feel bad about picking them up and comforting them every time they cry.
At what point does that stop and they figure out they can get what they want by crying? I feel like DD is getting there and I don't want to create a monster, but also don't want to confuse her need for comfort with her just wanting to be picked up all the time.
We were eating out with the ILs this weekend and I was holding her in my lap while we waited for food, and then we set her in her seat while we ate. Well we tried to. She started to cry and wouldn't stop. We didn't want to disturb everybody else eating so DH held her while I inhaled my food and then took her so he could eat. MIL told us we should just put her down and let her cry it out, which I've tried to do at home, but I had no desire to make everybody else miserable in the restaurant.
She's also been doing this at home, being more fussy, and then totally fine (like stops crying INSTANTLY) when we pick her up. Has she clued in and is now just trying to get her way? Is she already at that age? Anybody else notice this in their LOs? She's never been needy so is it a phase or is she really that aware?
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Re: At what point CAN you spoil them?
I don't think at six months you can spoil them. Comfort is a need too...I think it is *probably* possible closer to the one year mark... but I'm a FTM, so take that for what it's worth.
Crying is still their only way to communicate. Right now we don't do CIO for naps or bedtime because if she cries it usually means that she is still hungry and didn't nurse long enough. This is just from knowing my daughter and her cues. Maybe I would feel differently for another baby down the road. Once I feed her again and put her back down she will drift off to sleep within a few minutes.
Basically for me, she needs to have her teeth/gums cleaned. If she cries during that, too bad. It has to happen. Same thing w/ bathtime she needs to have a bath. That doesn't mean that I won't sing and kiss and cuddle while doing these things to make it easier for her. Luckily for us, as of now she seems to like both! Also, when she is more mobile and tries to get things that are unsafe, or could be broken they will be removed etc...If she still cries for it too bad.
As of now, if she cries because she wants to be cuddled, or is hungry or is tired, then those are things I will give to her if at all possible. Even if it seems like she is crying because she is bored... someone pointed out in a similar post on the 6-9 month board that physical activity and stimulation is also a need. My daughter likes to take part in meal times... she's usually sitting on my lap when I am eating. (As a result I usually eat things that are not too hot). She likes to be involved in what is happening. We do BLW, so she usually has a few pieces of finger food to play with.
This is definitely one of the hardest things to determine as a parent. I will NOT be giving in to tantrums when she is a toddler in the store, but finding that balance I think has to be a matter of instinct and knowing your child and their needs.
You know your child, is there a cry that is a temper mad cry not a sad or hungry or tired cry?? Lucas has that so yes sometimes he's left to cry while I tend to my other two kids.
That being said I do not believe in CIO for sleep at this age but that's just me and my kids. Plus I feel spoiling your children with love if they are well behaved kids is not a bad thing. I find the more love and attention I give my kids the less they act out and the less they need of me.
amen.
(even if they are not "well-behaved" kids, love and attention is a good thing)
Yes! It's like a baby tantrum. Either that, or she'll make a crying sound then stop and look around to see if she gets a response.
HAHAHA I take it back!!!!!
DD had a "moment" tonight! It was different. I was eating a pear and she reached for it, so I let her take it to lick...DH was ready to give her a bath so I took it from her and she glared at me and cried an angry cry. It was way different than her regular cry. She was so mad at me! She did get over it quickly though.
Still not to the extreme as with a toddler, but it's starting
I eat one handed all the time, but at home I sit in a chair with her on one extended knee far enough away from my stuff and even if she grabs something don't care if she gets my food all over the both of us. In public holding a 5 month old in a cramped booth as she grabs at plates and food trying to throw them...not how I wanted to spend brunch with the ILs. :P
My /Chart; BFP 3/8/11 CP 3/16/11; 7/11 HSG & S/A both clear;
Cycle 12~ 50 mg Clomid=BFP 9/9/11, Beta #1=280 & Beta #2=1513, 6w3d hb=122 bpm/ 8w2d hb=186 bpm/12w2d could not hear hb had a 3rd u/s and got to see the hb. 16w2d heard the hb! 156 bpm. A/S 1/3=girl
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
This is because people allow their children to walk all over them. Not because they held them too much as babies.
Yep. DS definitely knows when he has won. He looks towards the door when he is crying and if he sees me or DH, he stops. If you pick him up when he is throwing a fit, sometimes he'll start to smile and coo. At only 5.5 months, my son knows how to control me. Its a battle of wits from here out for me.
DS #1 born 05/25/2012
BFP#2: 06/12/2013 ---- loss
DS #2 born 4/08/2014
BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
* formally bornmommy
The way I see it crying is the only way they can communicate....DD cries to tell me her wishes and or problems (Hungry, wet, tired, bored, hold me please, don't leave me alone, don't leave me with someone else, I want to see what you are doing, I want that toy, etc....)
Obviously for the Hungry, wet, tired we deal with ASAP and her other requests are sometimes immediately met, sometimes met but slightly delayed because we are busy doing something, or must do something else at that precise moment. And then sometimes she doesn't get what she wants at all (like when she screams bloody murder when I leave her with my Mom and go to work, or when she grabs an item she shouldn't have). The great thing is at this age almost all temper fits are short and easily stopped with redirection.
I don't know when that crossover point is, but I know my kids are there. O has been for awhile too. However I don't worry that I am spoiling because it is physically impossible for me to hold him every time he wants it. Instead of picking him up I will make funny faces or tickle him.
We took our kids to a restaurant last weekend for the first time in awhile. (Before they would sleep through most of our meal and it was great. Now I will not be taking my kids to a restaurant for quite some time! That is, if I plan on eating
Side note, I wanted to kill our waitress who kept coming over to see if we wanted dessert, if she could take my plate, if I needed a box, if we wanted the bill... I was like HELLO I am still eating and my hands are full, SEE? I wanted to punch her.