- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 24 Months+
honeybee111
member
WWYD? - sad situation
honeybee111
member
I'm pregnant with my 2nd(in 1st trimester). We've only told our parents and our siblings. Two days after we told, my brother called me to tell me that SIL is also pregnant with their 2nd. We've been excited about having close due dates and our 2nd kids being close in age(our firsts are also close - 9 months apart). Yesterday, my brother called and told me SIL had a miscarriage. I talked to him for a little bit, but not to SIL. I asked him if she needed anything, and he said, no, physically, she's ok. I feel like I should do something/say something to her, but not sure what or how. I can't even decide if it should be an email or text or an actual card or what? Also, there's the fact that I'm still pregnant, and I don't want to make her feel more sad or uncomfortable about it. So, maybe I should say nothing? My SIL and I get along well, but we're not best friends. We live a plane ride away, so it's not easy to visit. We will see each other at Christmas. Any ideas?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD? - sad situation
This.
I think a card is always more thoughtful than a text. It shows effort.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
When I lost dd over two years ago due to stillbirth, we were in a similar situation. We lost our baby, and 2 months later dh's cousin had their baby. It was awful though because we were due within a few weeks together and everything. They sent flowers to the funeral, and didn't attend. I'm actually glad of that, because I don't think I could have handled seeing someone reminding what I missed.
I would send a nice handwritten card, and Halmark has those sweet angel statues, and they have some nice meanings. You could always send a momento that basically symbolizes that their baby's birth has significance too, even if he/she is no longer living.
Hugs to you!
Oh, a stillbirth to me is MUCH different than a 1st trimester miscarriage. I've had more than my share of 1st trimester miscarriages (5), but that is a whole new ball game from the still birth.
Me and my BFF;s all were preggers around the same time and had miscarriages around the same time..happy ending though. Our kids are 4 months apart.
To the OP, I would send a card and just try not to post too much on FB and stuff like that for a while.
Whatever you do, don't just say nothing. I had a few friends say nothing to me and that really bothered me.
Are you close enough to call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss and that if she needs anything you are there for her? If not, a card is great.
This- I'd also make a point to keep sending cards periodically to let them know that you're thinking of them and sending something on the due date and the baby's birth date in the future- I think people feel like their baby gets forgotten and people move on.
When we had DD, we were in the same situation. My Sister in Law had been trying for almost two years, and got pregnant right before I did. She found out she was pregnant at 3 week, and miscarried at 7. I found out I was almost pregnant right after she miscarried, and I felt SO bad, since my husband and I only really tried once. We just made sure to let her know that we were there for her, and if she needed anything she could talk to us. She was really nice about it, and told me that I shouldn't hide my happiness because of her, though I still felt terrible.
She actually ended up getting pregnant again the next cycle (without trying!) and her daughter is only a couple months younger than mine, so in the end, it was okay for her.
I would just make sure to let her know you understand, and want to be there for her any way you can.