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Blended Families
SimpleJane
member
need some advice
SimpleJane
member
Please forgive me, I'm on my phone and this will probably be pretty long and not well formatted.
Okay, background info, exh and I have shared custody/rights and responsibilities. Our CO states that we go 3/4/4/3 with the overnights 3 w him, 4 w me, 4 w him, 3 w me. We get along well most of the time though, and haven't been following that schedule because DS started school in my district and we decided together it was best that they stay w me most school nights. So, since September I have had them Sunday afternoon or morning until Thursday drop off at school/daycare. He has them Thursday night through Sunday morning.
The one thing we really fight about is the same thing we fought about as a married couple, his awful family. He has always had problems standing up to them and they are controling and posionous. He let's them take over with the kids every single weekend. They are doing all of the bathing/dressing/feeding for the kids FriSunday. DS tells me about it. The biggest problem I have with this is during that time they are constantly underminig my parenting. I'm trying to potty train DD and they refuse to keep her on a potty schedule bring her once an hour even if she doesn't ask to go .
They say mean things about my parenting to my kids. DS came home today upset and told me they were saying awful things about the clothes I sent him in and saying that everything I send him in should go in a yardsale and not come back to my house. I sent him in brand new clothes. But they apparently aren't good enough.
Until recently they had been behaving and being semipeaceful, and I had agreed to even let them take the kids to Florida for a week over April break, even though that means giving up my time and letting them fly for the first time wo me. Now though, I'm just so angry I don't want them around my kids at all. They can't grow up and stop upsetting my son, they shouldn't be around. I'm so sick of giving up my kids 3 nights a week so that those people can have them. Exh spends more time out drinking or Golfing than he does with them during that time and I am essentially sharing custody w my exinlaws.
I want to go back to court, I want primary, and I want him to only have them Thursday Friday nights because those are the only nights he even takes care of them. Problem is, I can't afford a lawyer, and he can.
That's how I got bullied into agreeing to 50/50 in the first place. I'm at a loss here, and I don't even know where to start.
Also, I have tried to talk to him about this. His answers range from "I'm sorry, ill try to do better and be with them more." To tonights comeback "we will just go to court and ill give you full custody, that way I don't have to deal with this sht."
Okay, background info, exh and I have shared custody/rights and responsibilities. Our CO states that we go 3/4/4/3 with the overnights 3 w him, 4 w me, 4 w him, 3 w me. We get along well most of the time though, and haven't been following that schedule because DS started school in my district and we decided together it was best that they stay w me most school nights. So, since September I have had them Sunday afternoon or morning until Thursday drop off at school/daycare. He has them Thursday night through Sunday morning.
The one thing we really fight about is the same thing we fought about as a married couple, his awful family. He has always had problems standing up to them and they are controling and posionous. He let's them take over with the kids every single weekend. They are doing all of the bathing/dressing/feeding for the kids FriSunday. DS tells me about it. The biggest problem I have with this is during that time they are constantly underminig my parenting. I'm trying to potty train DD and they refuse to keep her on a potty schedule bring her once an hour even if she doesn't ask to go .
They say mean things about my parenting to my kids. DS came home today upset and told me they were saying awful things about the clothes I sent him in and saying that everything I send him in should go in a yardsale and not come back to my house. I sent him in brand new clothes. But they apparently aren't good enough.
Until recently they had been behaving and being semipeaceful, and I had agreed to even let them take the kids to Florida for a week over April break, even though that means giving up my time and letting them fly for the first time wo me. Now though, I'm just so angry I don't want them around my kids at all. They can't grow up and stop upsetting my son, they shouldn't be around. I'm so sick of giving up my kids 3 nights a week so that those people can have them. Exh spends more time out drinking or Golfing than he does with them during that time and I am essentially sharing custody w my exinlaws.
I want to go back to court, I want primary, and I want him to only have them Thursday Friday nights because those are the only nights he even takes care of them. Problem is, I can't afford a lawyer, and he can.
That's how I got bullied into agreeing to 50/50 in the first place. I'm at a loss here, and I don't even know where to start.
Also, I have tried to talk to him about this. His answers range from "I'm sorry, ill try to do better and be with them more." To tonights comeback "we will just go to court and ill give you full custody, that way I don't have to deal with this sht."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: need some advice
Realistically, I don't believe there is any way to keep your ex-inlaws from your kids. I know that's not what you want to hear, and I'm sorry.
One thing you can do is document everything. Keep track of the time he's actually spending with them. So if you ever do get the money to go back to court, you'll have history you can show to the judge.
Quit talking to him about it. He's obviously not interested in working with you on it.
In some states they offer assistance with court filings. It's how SD's mom worked H over. Check into it. even if you have to wait, get on the list and do something about it. Take his ass to court.
Quit talking to him and just do it and teak him by surprise. THe less time he has to prepare, the better off you'll be.
Good luck.
This exactly. This exactly. And I would stop giving up every weekend with your kids. If DS is in school, weekends are prime time to be doing activities together as a family. I would tell XH that you want some weekend time, so you would like to start letting him have two weekends and then you get one, or him have three weekends and then you get one. GL.