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DS's father is on goverment aid. question about support.

sararn2004sararn2004
in Blended Families

Just recently found this board so haven't posted much yet.  I have a question someone might know the answer to. My son's father has apparently lost his job and his wife who he was seperated from took him back. She's currently on government aid(I believe he's at least watching their kids while she's at school) and so he is now included on that aid. I've just gotten a notice from the DA's office that his child support is now to be set at 0 while he's on aid. If I don't sign the papers we'll have to go to court over it. It's kind of annoying because I don't want to have to deal with going to court in another county right now...I'm just entering my 3rd trimester of pregnancy.

I feel like it would be easier to just sign the papers, but it seems if I agree to 0 child support he will be sitting pretty in "I don't have to work land" and have no desire to get a job to start paying again.

We will be getting DS braces soon as well as the new baby expenses. We aren't rolling in dough over here. At the same time we have wanted my DH to adopt DS, but currently all the paperwork and court stuff is just too expensive and we don't know how to navigate without talking to a lawer(more expense).

Any thoughts on whether to sign the papers and send in or deal with court? I'm still working too, so taking time off work for court is not optimal(plus I need to save time off for maternity leave).

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Re: DS's father is on goverment aid. question about support.

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    imo you would be stupid to sign those papers... your ex will sit on his butt and never look for a job...
                           
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  • bdbelladonnabdbelladonna
    I wouldnt sign them. Even if he is under her aid he needs to get a job and support his kids.
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  • sararn2004sararn2004
    That was my thought too. Since I haven't had to deal with this yet I wasn't sure if I was misinterpretting something with all the 'legal-ese" of the papers.
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  • Kendrav4Kendrav4 member
    There is no way I would sign those papers.
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  • sararn2004sararn2004

    Also, just out of curiosity from others with exes...do you think I'm being selfish in that when he is working I make substantially more than he does, but I don't give him a break on the support.

    Not to air his dirty laundry or anything but our last court date was over 2 years ago when he was trying to decrease the child support of all 3 of his children's mothers (including the wife he has since returned to). This is where I discovered I make about 4-6 times the amount he makes depending on my hours.

    My thought is just because he has multiple children to support doesn't mean I should be the only one supporting my son. Just because I finished school(which was difficult as a single parent with a small child) and have a decent job I should have to support him on my own(I'm not factoring in my new husband's income)?

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    He's refusing to work.  The man needs to quit having children. Seriously.  And don't you dare sign those papers!

    This is what my lawyer told me.  My H also wants to reduce his payment, but I am insisting he pay something.  My lawyer stated that if H is physically and mentally capable of having a job, he can flip burgers at McDonalds. 

    The state I live in, the courts typically base an unemployed individual's child support on their earning capacity. Minimum wage is the lowest they typically set it at. 

    My H also has brought up how much more I make and admits I will probalby always earn more than he will, but this does not mean he can escape his parental duties. Your X needs to support these children in some fashion. Even if it's only $50 a month, the man can't just get all these women pregnant and do nothing.  BUt apparently that's exactly what he's trying to do. Don't let the *** of the hook.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Don't sign those papers, that's a load of BS. He is physically capable of working, so, IMO his CS should be set at full time minimum wage at the very least. Your DS shouldn't suffer because BD is being lazy.
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member
    imagesararn2004:

    Also, just out of curiosity from others with exes...do you think I'm being selfish in that when he is working I make substantially more than he does, but I don't give him a break on the support.

    Not to air his dirty laundry or anything but our last court date was over 2 years ago when he was trying to decrease the child support of all 3 of his children's mothers (including the wife he has since returned to). This is where I discovered I make about 4-6 times the amount he makes depending on my hours.

    My thought is just because he has multiple children to support doesn't mean I should be the only one supporting my son. Just because I finished school(which was difficult as a single parent with a small child) and have a decent job I should have to support him on my own(I'm not factoring in my new husband's income)?

    This isn't selfish at all! If you were an intact family his money earned would help support the family even if you paid a higher percentage. He should be contributing to his children financally.

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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Another lifetime ago I was in a landlord position and when we would evict people on social security we could not get a financial settlement against them because SS is only for daily, basics to live, it cannot cover debts. You can take him back but you can't get blood from a stone and court will probably cost you more in the long run than you will get from CS. Nothing motivates some people to do better unfortunately and with low income and three kids, I think your potential to get meaningful support from this guy is slim to none. Not to be bleak, just my .02
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  • madimyluvmadimyluv member

    Not sure what state you live in but in California I got the same notice but it didnt ask for signature it just told me that cs would be "0" because of general aid.  What I did do was go up to cs and talk with a case worker. She informed me of the reason that it was lowered and I told her that i believed he was getting paid under the table.  She looked up my case information and told me that once I get word that he is working again i can call to re-open the case.  I was so over it at that point.  A few months later he was working and I called to get the papers to re-open the cs.  Thats pretty much all you can do at this point. 

    Hopefully, he is the kind of person that chooses not to live his life solely on general aid.

     Good Luck with that.

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  • sararn2004sararn2004
    imagemadimyluv:

    Not sure what state you live in but in California I got the same notice but it didnt ask for signature it just told me that cs would be "0" because of general aid.  What I did do was go up to cs and talk with a case worker. She informed me of the reason that it was lowered and I told her that i believed he was getting paid under the table.  She looked up my case information and told me that once I get word that he is working again i can call to re-open the case.  I was so over it at that point.  A few months later he was working and I called to get the papers to re-open the cs.  Thats pretty much all you can do at this point. 

    Hopefully, he is the kind of person that chooses not to live his life solely on general aid.

     Good Luck with that.

    I'm in California too. I'm pretty sure he will sit on his A and not work. Even if he does get a job I'm not sure that information would trickle over to me.

     I just wish we could afford someone to help us with the adoption process, because my husband wants it, my son wants it, and my dh is for all intents and purposes his father...he does everything for him and ds only sees his biological dad when he visits his half siblings(like once every 3 months or so).

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  • madimyluvmadimyluv member
    imagesararn2004:
    imagemadimyluv:

    Not sure what state you live in but in California I got the same notice but it didnt ask for signature it just told me that cs would be "0" because of general aid.  What I did do was go up to cs and talk with a case worker. She informed me of the reason that it was lowered and I told her that i believed he was getting paid under the table.  She looked up my case information and told me that once I get word that he is working again i can call to re-open the case.  I was so over it at that point.  A few months later he was working and I called to get the papers to re-open the cs.  Thats pretty much all you can do at this point. 

    Hopefully, he is the kind of person that chooses not to live his life solely on general aid.

     Good Luck with that.

    I'm in California too. I'm pretty sure he will sit on his A and not work. Even if he does get a job I'm not sure that information would trickle over to me.

     I just wish we could afford someone to help us with the adoption process, because my husband wants it, my son wants it, and my dh is for all intents and purposes his father...he does everything for him and ds only sees his biological dad when he visits his half siblings(like once every 3 months or so).

     This is the same thing I told the case worker and she told me that if the father see's the child then MAYBE the child will get word of the father working.  I just shook my head because that seems to unreasonable if you have barely no contact with the father.  Luckily I found out as soon as I did becuase I was sure that he would sit on his A and collect that general aid for the rest of his life!

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  • WahooWahoo member

    Don't sign the papers!

    If the amount isn't set to "0," then the CS will accrue.  Eventually, when you have enough $ to hire a lawyer, you can bargain to allow your H to adopt your son by agreeing to forfeit all of the unpaid CS. 

    Also, even if his wife is unemployed, his CS should be set to the amount of a person making minimum wage.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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