When/If ever did you start to feel confident?

Raggedy1 · November 2012

Our OB scared me at our 12 week appointment saying "with identical twins you're never out of the woods until they're born alive and healthy".

My heart aches to be able to just relax and feel good about this pregnancy, but DH is afraid to announce on FB or to tell his friends. He keeps saying, we can say we're pregnant, but not with twins. ??? That's not good enough for me. I'm not dying to post on FB or anything, it's just that I want to not feel so terrified all the time. We don't have any known complications at this point, only the heightened risk of them being ID, but we're going to an MFM and an OB - basically doing everything we can. Am I just particularly afraid because we tried for so long? My SIL is pg and she acts like she doesn't have a care in the world, and I'm living in fear.

Jen0204 · November 2012

We announced after the first trimester. Yes, there are always things to worry about, but I don't understand the logic of announcing and keeping the twins part a secret. Not to be morbid, but with mo/di twins if there is an issue and you lose one, I would think you would lose both. What helped us was setting milestones - the first was 12 weeks, then it was to the next u/s at 16 weeks, then the gender scan at 20 weeks, then viability at 24 weeks, then 30 weeks, etc. Just take it easy, do what your doctor says, and try to enjoy your pregnancy. Good luck!

lovemygs · November 2012

Never. IF struggles and a previous miscarriage were a big part of that though.

I think the majority of women always have some worry in the back of their minds, and then when they're born it's a whole new set of worries! Welcome to motherhood :]

leapgirl8 · November 2012

Without context, I don't know but I would guess that your OB meant more that complications could develop at any time, not that you would lose one or both. At this point in the pregnancy, statistically you are pretty safe even with twins. That may or may not comfort you, but it helped me. I think we announced around 16 weeks - at that point, we felt like yes, this IS happening. Sure, something bad could always happen, but it mostly doesn't, and all indicators were that we were going to be bringing two healthy babies home come May. And we did!

There was some fear until they were born, just b/c you have no idea what is going on in there most of the time. It's much easier once you can just look at the dang things and know they are OK

BananaPancake · November 2012

We have di/di, and I'm still a little nervous, but each pregnancy benchmark was huge for us. Feeling movement, 24w, 28w, 32w, each one meant that the babies were that much closer to making it out alive! Even today I freak out occasionally, but I think getting to the viability stage is HUGE with twins. Knowing that somebody could save them really helped my mental state. We did share our twin pg right at 6w, but we were just so excited that we could wait. We ended up having major progesterone issues, and we just shared the details as we went and were so thankful for the support and prayers.

lynn0926 · November 2012

I will not be able to feel confident until I am holding 2 healthy babies in my arms. Right now, I am counting down the days to v-day at 24 w. I will announce on FB on vday. I also treasure every kick I get. They move like crazy right now, and it helps ease your mind when you can feel that.

Mrs. Alice · November 2012

Honest answer? I never really felt 100% confident that I would have two healthy take home babies when I was pregnant. I announced on FB right after our first u/s around 11 weeks but most of our family had found out a few weeks earlier. I had mono/di twins and knew the risks. I felt like I was living and holding my breath in between each u/s and fearing that we would find something wrong. I had a brief period right after the a/s when I started to feel more comfortable because they were physically normal and everything looked fine.

Once you can feel movement it's a reassuring feeling and they start to seem more real. However things went bad for us around 22 weeks and there was constant fear of losing one or both and/or having micro preemies. 26 weeks was the point that I knew if they were born they woud probably both make it. They were born 2 weeks later. It really wasn't until they were a few weeks old that I let myself believe they would both be okay and actually come home with us. I don't think it's irrational or abnormal to feel scared. Mono/di pregnancies can be scary, but the odds of having an uncomplicated pregnancy are in your favor. I hope you can get to a point where you can enjoy it and feel more confident. It's something I really wish I could have experienced and miss being pregnant.

MelleTX · November 2012

This will sound strange, but I was confident from Day 1. It was just a choice I made because I didn't even want to think about having to face the alternative. I just decided I would be bringing home two healthy babies and if something should change that, I would deal with it when it came up. In my mind, there was no need to try and prepare for anything bad. I just chose to be confident it would all work out.

I am still doing that to this day. I made it 32 weeks with absolutely ZERO complications and then found myself in the hospital on bedrest with mild pre-ecclampsia. But the girls are fine so I am still confident.

You have to find whatever balance works for you that will enable you to stay sane and enjoy your pregnancy. I just never wanted to look back and regret not enjoying it.

pixiem38 · November 2012

I will not feel.confident.until they are here.... and even then i am not certain.how.i will.feel. i.did feel slightly better at 24w and.even better now, but.this.entire.pregnancy has been a.nail biter (i.developed issues at 22 w and am jnpatient as.a.result)(actually.being inpatient makes.me.feel.more confident that.will.will have a happy.ending). It is.a.good.thing.that.your doctor.is.aware.of mo.dk.risks....that.is.really.important.

raraavis28 · November 2012

I understand your feelings totally.....once I found out I was having mono/di twins and started learning about all the possible complications, it seemed that all the joy and excitement just turned to worry.....and then they found a growth discordance which just made my worry go through the roof. But I'm seeing a great MFM and OB, the boys are doing really well (have actually moved into the "safe zone" with their growth), and I am starting to feel better. But, like PP said, I also had to make a conscious decision to not worry anymore and hope and believe for the best. It seems that there is always something that one *could* worry about (and that's probably not gonna change after they're born!) but I just realized that worrying isn't going to change what will or won't happen, but will just make me miserable in the meantime. I also think it's a good idea to share your news with others; feeling the support of friends and family can also be very reassuring.

Hang in there and congratulations on your sweet twins! I'm sure everything will be just fine! Smile

kiwi443 · November 2012

I understand the fear. I didn't know I was carrying twins until my 20 week ultrasound, so that saved me from some of the worrying . During my pregnancy I found it challenging to find the balance between educating myself on the risk of mo/di twins and blocking it out to maintain my sanity. I prayed a lot and found comfort in that.

One of my girls was IUGR, so I didn't really feel confident that they were both ok until I was holding them in my arms.

rinascita · November 2012

You won't like this answer, but... never

FWIW, we did't even tell our parents until 11 weeks and then close friends at ~ 14 weeks (except my best friend, DH was ok with me telling her so I'd have an additional supportive person in case something did happen).

I did start to feel a little better about a week ago (~28 weeks) but I'm still praying and talking to the babies every night to tell them how much I love them, can't wait to see them, but they need to sit tight for another couple weeks for me.

At first it was VTS during 1st tri, then it was m/c, then it was PTL before 24 weeks, and now I'm still worried about PTL + NICU/complications...

Once they are here, I get to worry like all other moms about newborns... I guess it is all a part of becoming a mom.

tirsabel · November 2012

my in-laws kept wanting us to wait to announce. but at 12-13 weeks we did our FB announcement. definitely IF and miscarriage played a role - we were so ready to happy, to celebrate. I was so tired of being afraid of everything. a good friend of mine (who had IF, repeat miscarriages and eventually pregnant with twins after an FET) gave me good advice - or what I felt like was good advice. she told me you need to pick a date. and decide that after this date you are going to move past your fears and be happy. you don't want to spend the whole pregnancy afraid, and you'll miss so many of the joys of pregnancy.

in the end, I don't think I am completely anxiety free, despite some issues - abnormal anatomic survey on baby A - but, i do feel like we picked our point and got to celebrate each other and the pregnancy. the pregnancy is such short time out of the whole lives of our children and I'm glad I picked a point and moved on as much as I could.

Ann003 · November 2012

Like several PPs, the answer for me is never. I worry all the time and can't wait until I hit 24 weeks. I find myself holding my breath at every u/s, just waiting to see their heartbeats. But even though I'm not 100% confident, I'm still very happy and try to enjoy every day (unless I'm super miserable that day - ha!).

Also, your sis may not express her fears to you. I don't talk about how difficult this pregnancy has been unless it's a close friend. I definitely don't talk about that stuff with my family, but that's because they will freak out and make things worse.

PurrCrasher · November 2012

We announced to nearly everyone at about 12 weeks. I had di/di twins so I don't know if that made me feel a little more secure since the risks are a little lower. However, for those first 12 weeks I felt that fear you're talking about. I don't have any real advice to you except to say that I think being fearful is a normal emotion in the early part of a pregnancy (and even the later part!). The best thing you can do however is to try to relax because stressing will just make you feel worse. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to have a long and healthy pregnancy! Try not to worry unless your doctors give you a reason to worry. Also, use this board! The ladies on this board helped me so much.

sweetsugarmama · November 2012

My RE gave me some statistics about both babies making it to full term that made me relax about survival rates. He may have made them up on the spot but they helped me.

but being my second (and third) I think I was more paranoid about complications. I know more now about what can go wrong and so I was twice as worried that something would. By the 20 week u/s I felt much better, maybe I just started to relax. After that it was mostly smooth sailing.

Mrs_MBed · November 2012

I was not 100% confident until they were born. My carrying our mono/di boys was seriously stressful. I was already a high-risk pg b/c I'd spontaneously delivered DD2 at 33 wks, so I was terrified of ending up in PTL again. Plus DH was a medical student at the time and was gone for 5 months of the pregnancy, leaving me at home with our girls (4 and 2 then).

I had minor complications, but was able to carry our boys to 35 weeks. Like some of the PPs mentioned, I just tried to focus on the milestones and that made the pregnancy feel more "doable". Last year Thanksgiving was a huge milestone for me - it meant I reached v-day and that DH would be home for the rest of the pregnancy.

Just hang in there and try not to stress. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, which is exactly what you need to be doing.

GoMaltby18 · November 2012

Hmm, right around 12 weeks I finally relaxed and settled in to the fact that we are having twins. And then I read this post and now I'm nervous again. Thanks, ladies!

MuseumMaven · November 2012

I was a nervous wreck when I found out I was having mo/di twins, especially since they were originally misdiagnosed as mo/mo. But my MFM really put me at ease. At our first appointment he said, "I'm sure you've read about all of the terrible things that can happen in this type of pregnancy. But chances are everything is going to be fine. So let's not get excited until there's something to get excited about." He was so calm and laid back - he really helped me to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I also felt that every appointment made me feel better - I'd made it another X weeks and everything was fine. I was actually shocked when he told me we were going to induce at 37 weeks - by that point I was convinced I was going to go into spontaneous labor!

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