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Blended Families
fellesferie
member
FFFC
fellesferie
member
Vents? Open letters?
Here's mine:
Dear Republican Facebook Friends,
In the last three days, many of you have gone completely off the rails. I think it is totally okay to be depressed, worried, and angry. What is not okay is the name calling and fear mongering.
So until everyone goes back to acting like adults, you're all going to stay hidden from my feed. The day that Obama single-handedly breaks the United States, I will be the first one posting on your walls admitting you were right.
Love, Me.
--
Confession 1:
I really don't enjoy reading to my kids at bedtime. I love to read in general. I'm still writing the novel I mentioned awhile ago. But honestly, by the end of the day, I'm too damn tired.
--
Confession 2:
I think we are (right now) in over our heads with our German Shepherd puppy. She's almost 7 months, and we love her. But she is only in the house and being actively played with for maybe 60 minutes per day. She gets another ~60 minutes of outside play time with us + DS. She does sleep crated inside with us at night.
But otherwise she pretty much plays outside by herself. This isn't at all what I envisioned when we brought her home, and it makes me sad.
We are members of a local working dog association and go to obedience/protection training every week. They say that by the time she's 2, she might calm down enough to be inside more than outside.
my read shelf:
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC
Last year we were at MIL's for Thanksgiving.
I am SO happy we will be at MY mom's THIS year. Her turkey and over all cooking is much more yummier. :-)
My post about SS going back Sunday or Wednesday ya know....
DH txt BM asking if she was able to get in touch with her lawyer and she finally replied Wednesday was fine. I know it's about time with SS and not about who is right or wrong but my FFFC is I'm doing back flips because it feels sooooooooo good to be right!!!
I'm only hosting Thanksgiving b/c I don't like the way and what my MIL cooks and my family is going to visit other family in FL.
My exh and his family is waking up from hybernation. My ex and his family haven't seen or contacted the children in over 5 years. NOW all of a sudden I'm being taken to court for him to reduce CS, and his family is trying to friend my DD on facebook. (My DD will be 16 at the end of this month) They aren't trying to contact my DS (13 on monday). His GF has been stalking my Linkedin, so they may have found out I got married 2 years ago and just recieved a large promotion. So I think a lot of this is being driven by trying to spy on us and get out of oweing CS.
Anyone who has been on here long enough knows me and my backstory that their sudden interest in the children is not coming from anywhere near a place of wanting a relationship with the children. And the amount of time and money in Counseling I have spent w/ the children for their abandonment issues. My DD is finally in a healthy place so dealing w/ this is easier but it still rocked her boat.
Oh, please keep in mind that this is flame-free. I'm done. As in really and truly fed up and can't take any more. I've pulled back and I've even suggested to DH that we find a therapeutic boarding school for the kids. He can't stand the idea and would rather send them back to BM. I'm past the point where I care to argue about how that wouldn't be good for them. They clearly need more help than we can give.
In spite of working with numerous councelors for the kids and for us, and trying every trick that anyone we trust and respect can think of, this just isn't working. The kids lie to us on a daily basis, even with proof of the lie right in front of them, DSS is failing school, they continually break every rule possible, we recently even found a note saying that they were going to run away (which they both denied) and nearly gave DH and I heart attacks.
I just can't do this any more. I'm so stressed I can't think straight, and it's starting to affect my health. I can't even stand to be in my own house anymore. I've told DH I'll give it one last try, one new councelor specifically for me who specialises in family relations but I really can't see how it will help. We're good parents dammit, and I don't think that there is anything more that we can do change how the kids behave.
Sorry for the spiel, but I feel like I've lost my mind lately.
I mostly lurk between here and TTGP, but I had to respond to this because I 100 percent feel your pain. Our GSD "puppy" is now 17 months and Lord knows I thought the same thing during that initial year!!
Ours is inside now, but crated while we're at work and I feel terribly about it... But he'd destroy our house if he was loose! We were also informed of the magical 2year mark and I'm counting the days. I just wanted to say hang in there because it really does get better. A 100 lb hyperactive puppy is rough, but you're doing exactly what you need to with the playtime and training. They just take a while to grow up. lol
ETA: punctuation since bump mobile sucks
Me: 32 | DH: 36 | TTC #1 since Jan 2012 | Blog
DX: Hashimoto's | Hypothyroidism | Hyperprolactinemia
09/13: Started seeing RE, DX above
09/13-06/14: Thyroid & Prolactin levels finally under control with Synthroid & Dostinex
06/14-09/14: Cycles regulated, confirmed ovulation, heavy spotting throughout luteal phase each month
09/14 Currently retesting baseline cycle, and scheduling hysteroscopy with biopsy
Thank you for this! It's so helpful to hear from someone who's been there!
Just venting! The BM of our boys just got in contact over phone again. This time it's been since January. This gets me so conflicted, I can't even begin to imagine what the boys are feeling. She disappears, has problems with drugs, the law, etc. then months later calls up two days in a row promising to call more, yada... Already asking the boys if she can see them at Christmas time!
On one hand I am glad to hear that she's ok since we really had no idea. We want the boys to have a relationship with their mom. But on the other hand, she chooses to be a part of their lives only when it's convenient for her. Add the long distance between her and them. Add the many number of times she just doesn't have any contact with them for months at a time. Add the fact that she can't have visitation with them in person unsupervised... I don't know if it would be better for her to just stay away for good rather than this flip-flop stuff.
We should just be happy she wants to be in their lives again I guess. It always sounds like she is doing better but it seems to only last so long then she gets worse. And it's the boys who suffer. They are getting older and beginning to realize things...
Ok well I'm glad I have an outlet to vent to people who I don't know IRL, who are going thru or have been thru similar things. We do the best we can and you guys on this board help me with my sanity so much and I really should thank you all more. I've been in this blended family for almost seven years now and I can tell you that it's been a lot better ever since I found this board. You guys give advice and support and HOPE!! (Well, except for a select few who make me realize that our situation could be a lot worse!) Thank you all!
Part 1: this latest bout of "hands off" has been the most stress-free time since we got residential custody of SS. I have not done a single thing for SS in the past month (since he told DH that the only reason why I got a new car instead if him is becuase I put out).
Now, if SS ever apologized to me, I might reconsider.
If SS outgrew his "selfcenteredness", you know...Like just ASK me for something, not command me, I might reconsider.
But 4 weeks later he hasn't done it. Becuase he is that clueless and entitled. And it is all DHs fault.
Part 2: I am getting some really sad inner glee watching DH have to pick up all of my parental slack with SS. He has had to do every car ride, extra grocery trips, etc.
Now I always checked on everyone's toiletries, snacks and supplies so no one would run out, no more doing that for SS - which has led to 3 Hissy fits becuase SS could not be bothered to let DD know in advance (which I clearly reminded both SS and DH that I did when I told them both I was out).
SS may never appreciate me, but DH has learned his lesson. We shall see what happens when DH finally gets a job, becuase until SS changes his attitude, I will not be picking up the slack at all.
Part 3: I just had to tell DH that he needs to ensure that SS has his Christmas plans in place, becuase he is not invited to my family celebration (if we were not spending a week there, it would be different, but its a trip from FL to VA). I would rather stay in FL and not go to my mother's then have him come along and be his normal bratty self.
He has literally ruined every single vacation we have been on. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I refuse to have him ruin my family's time (and given he ruined my parents last visit to our home in Germany with a screaming match, they are not too keen on him coming either).
DH was hurt, but not offended becuase he knows how SS is. SS just threw a fit becuase DH corrected SSs job application (something SS ASKED DH to Dom btw) in a way that SS thought was wrong. Mind you, SS has never had a job and has only applied to one other job, which he did not get becuase he didn't fill ut then application properly.
Hissy fit included throwing the pen across the room, slamming doors, and screaming at DH for 10 minutes - ALL at the age of 17.
So I have no guilts with any of my FFFC
My biggest fear out of this divorce is the negative affects that DD's half siblings could have on her. I hope SD and SS get so busy in their self absorbed life that they do not have time or the energy to even an attempt any kind of relationship with DD.
And when DD is old enough, and she ever does have contact with them, she turns them away or shuts them out of her life when they come try and take advantage of her, because she can clearly see who they are and wants absolutely nothing to do with trash.
And while I'm b*tching about the soon to be x step kids: Dear SS: First of all, no one gives two shits about when you get up, when you are at work, when you take lunch, break, or get off work and sit around "home" on someone else's couch, in someone else's home, watching somene else's tv. No one CARES you miss your girlfriend. No one. So posting the same crap every day on your facebook...that's boring and screams "I need attention." Second: When you are going to court for a battery charge, it's not a good idea to threaten the guy on facebook that you are going to beat his ass if he doesn't drop charges. That just solidifies to everyone your idiocy. P.S. At least you have a job. I'll give you one point for actually having a legit job.
BUT Bm did something so horrible to us personally, not SS, that I'm done with the whole situation.
Plus I am beyond BEYOND sick of hearing stories like "we couldn't go out all weekend because we didn't have gas money Bm is getting us a puppy!" "my mom drops us off at the babysitters on school nights until 1am!" Note BM doesn't work or go to school she has no legal reason to be out at 1am on the majority of her parenting nights "My mom told me not to tell you"
I'm completely done. She doesn't exist to me anymore
I'm late to the game, so flame me if you must, but here goes anyway.
DH just got a new job, and it's great. He loves it, the money is better, he has insurance. It also requires some travelling though.
BM called me last night to tell me she won't be getting SD tonight (making it 12 days between the last time she saw her child and the next time she will) because she doesn't feel well. And DH is out of town until next Sunday.
It will be fine, my mom will come help me with the kids. But part of me just wants to cry that I wasn't supposed to have to do this by myself. SD has been acting up lately (probably because her mom keeps dropping visitation time) and my DD has an ear infection and I have a doctor's appointment this week to have a biopsy done... and I'm just incredibly overwhelmed...