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Meeting the Birthmother

JodyA118JodyA118
in Adoption

We are very excited to be meeting our potential BM in the next few weeks.  Any advice from some of you who have been through this before as to what types of questions to ask/not ask, etc.

We figured we would take her to lunch but should we bring a little something too? We will be meeting in a neutral place and we are not sure if she is coming alone or with another family member. We are doing IA so will be going alone. Any advice is welcome!!

 

Thanks so much and send good vibes our way! This is very exciting 

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Re: Meeting the Birthmother

  • IRRIRR member

    GL - I will say this was a very awkward meeting for us.  We had to fly out to meet our EP's.  We knew they had other kids so we brought the kids some little gifts and paid for all of the meals we shared with them over the weekend, but we did not bring the EM any gift.  You should check with your state laws because some limit the "amount of gifts" you are even allowed to provide.  Our original lawyer did not get the laws correct (we now have a new one), so my word of advise is do your own research and don't always trust your lawyers.  We have learned the hard way that they do not always know what they are talking about.  I good sign of a poor lawyer is one who tells you to let them worry about the law and don't ask so many questions, vs one who points you in the right direction to read up on stuff so you too can understand what is permissive and not when dealing with EP's.

    Good conversation starters - Favorite foods, TV shows, and hobbies. 

    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • JodyA118JodyA118

    Thanks so much!! Since you adopted out of state...did you fly home with the newborn? what was that experience like and do recommend that or driving (if we were to drive, it would be at least 13 hours. or a  2.5 hour flight)

     

    Thanks!! 

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  • IRRIRR member
    Our EM is due in 3-4 weeks.  We need to stay in the state for 2 weeks before we can leave and plan on flying since the drive would be 17 hours and we don't want to risk running into bad weather along the way.  I will let you know how it goes if all works out in the next 4-6 weeks.
    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • JodyA118JodyA118
    We are in the same situation.....we would be picking up in January...the weather would be so unpredictable. Feel nervous about flying because of germs but the car ride would be even more scary! Congrats and I hope your trip goes well.
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  • IRRIRR member
    You too!
    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • herrayherray

    We just met ours a few weeks ago. I made sure to answer all of her questions about us so that she would feel comfortable, and then I asked her about herself, her interests, where she would be delivering, how her other family members feel about the adoption. I didn't go deep into medical histories because I knew I would be seeing her again for doctors appointments.

     We paid for the meal, but did not give any gifts. In our state we aren't allowed to.

    I will be praying for you and your BM. :)

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  • JodyA118JodyA118

    Thanks so much! This is exactly how we are thinking of doing it too. HOwever, she mentioned that there is a tour of the maternity area in the hospital where she will deliver. She thought we may be interested.

     How long did you stay with your bm? We were thinking of the tour and lunch and go our separate ways.  Did you bring up the level of openness she wants? did you go alone and was she alone?

    Thanks! 

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  • herrayherray

    Our dinner lasted about two hours. We did discuss the openness because she brought up that she wants to have no contact. I asked how she would feel when the child is older and may want to find her and she said she would be alright with that.

    My husband and I went together and she came alone.

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  • JodyA118JodyA118

    oh great!! If she doesnt bring it up I should right? best to get that stuff all on the table....

    How far did you have to go? How was it flying home with a newborn? 

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  • christielovesnathanchristielovesnathan
    The first EM we were matched with, we met at the agency first, and then the next few times we went to lunch, however she ended up keeping the baby. The EM we're currently matched with we had met before, she's the daughter of one of DH's co-workers, and we went out to lunch after she talked with our agency.
    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • herrayherray
    imageJodyA118:

    oh great!! If she doesnt bring it up I should right? best to get that stuff all on the table....

    How far did you have to go? How was it flying home with a newborn? 

    Yes, I would bring it up.

    We are fortunate for this to all be local, so I'm sorry, I don't have any experience with traveling.

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