- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
Izybel18
member
Church nursery...feeling guilty
Izybel18
member
We left DD (9 months) in the nursery this morning, and after the service (about an hour) when we picked her up, I could tell she had been crying the whole time. The nursery worker said she had fallen asleep for a little while but then had woken up crying again. I'm a SAHM and our family all lives far away, so DD spends almost all her time with me or DH. Once she calmed down, she looked totally defeated. Her face was all red and splotchy and she wouldn't smile or even look at us. I'd never seen her look like that. She fell asleep on the way home, and once she woke up she was back to her old self, but I still feel so guilty. I do not want to put her through anything like that. Am I being overprotective? To make matters worse, my mom called right after and when I told her what happened, she said I needed to leave DD more often so she would learn to "self-soothe". Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Church nursery...feeling guilty
Maybe next time you can stay with her in the nursery for half the time and then leave, gradually leaving for longer periods of time? It was hard when I went back to work and left DS at daycare and I know he cried the whole day, but eventually he got over it. I think they do have to be left occasionally, but it's a process to learn that mommy is always going to come back and is hard on everyone. Since church is only one day a week, it's probably a harder transition than something like daycare too. I would hope the caregiver in there was loving and held her though. Good luck!
Keep trying but ask them to page you or have someone come get you after 5 or 10 minutes of crying. Let them know things she enjoys too- bubbles? singing wheels on the bus?
Ditto the bolded. If I were you I would stay awhile until she is comfortable. If she cries for more than 5 minutes or so have the nursery worker come get you. A screaming kid is not fun for the parents or the nursery worker.
If she really did cry the whole time, they should've gotten you/paged you. Since the volunteer said that she didn't cry the whole time, that does leave a bit of unknown. Next time, whenever that may be, you could stay with her for a service to get a feel for how the ministry works and if it meets your desires. Or if you drop her off, leave clear instructions on what your tolerance for crying is (i.e. "Come and get me if she cries for more than one minute." or "If she naps, come and get me as soon as she wakes.").
I am a children's minister and we sometimes have parents who don't want us to page them for any reason because they so need a break and other parents want to be paged if baby cries for more than 2-3 minutes. (For the record, the "don't page me" parents have that request dismissed. Tending to an inconsolable baby tin a group setting isn't a reasonable thing to ask volunteer to do, it upsets other children. it raises concernes with other parents who may come by, it isn't kind to the child, and it certainly doesn't help a child learn that church is a great place to be--an important function of any kids' program that seeks to be ministry rather than babysitting.)
Because of my job, I do have the benefit of knowing that our volunteers are extremely loving and I know all of our policies, etc. I don't feel that leaving my child with a loving caregiver is anything to feel guilty about. If he settles quickly--great! If not, we can always try again another time.
It sounds like today was a learning experience. Everything you did was motivated from a loving and healthy place, so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Sometimes our best efforts lead to happy kiddos and sometimes they don't. So, we live, learn, tweak, and then our babies go and grow and change and the expirementation starts again.
More Green For Less Green
it took me 6 months to leave DD in the nursery, and i am a volunteer.
When I did it was rough at first but i do think that it is good for them to go.
I am a SAHM and admittedly overprotective bu i think its good and my MIL is a kindergarten teacher and she says that even that hour/hour and a half with other children is a good thing it took a little while and now she walks herself to her class and hangs out with "the babies" lol
i know its rough but i think its a good thing for kids.
DS just turned 3 and was a classic high needs baby. Terrible sleeper and I couldn't really leave him with anyone other than my mom or sister until he was 14 months +. Even then it was a slow and tearful transition to PT daycare.
Now? He's the most easy going child when we leave him with a babysitter. Most days he's thrilled to go to daycare.
I do some sitting swaps with friends and their kids, the ones that were sleep trained and learned to supposedly self-soothe at a very young age, have fits when their parents leave. Like hysterical.
Night and day to my kid that eventually figured out going to sleep on his own, no crying, when he was 2.5.
All of that said, OP - if you really need some space and time on your own and it's critical to your family right now, keep working on having your LO spend time away from you. Stay in the nursery for the first half of the service for a while and see how she does with you leaving for shorter durations.
I've been a church nursery volunteer. The one thing I would add is that it isn't productive for you to stay in there with your child. That is upsetting to other kids who may be missing their parents. The nursery I worked in and the one where I take my son highly discourage that. They encourage hugs and kisses and saying goodbye then walking away (which can be really hard when they cry).
They should definitely have paged you, but if the service was an hour long (give or take) and your child napped part of the time, it might not be too unexpected that they didn't.
I do believe that it's good for kids to learn to be in new environments like the nursery, so I'd encourage you to give it another try.
First off, thank you to everyone for such thoughtful responses, I really appreciate it!
I did see one other mom get paged during the service, so I know that if it had been really bad, they probably would have gotten me. I've also noticed that DD is always being held/comforted whenever we've gone to get her and she's upset, which makes me feel better about it.
I definitely could not concentrate during the service, worrying about her. I also feel no need to create distance between us, I don't NEED a break. I may contact the youth ministries director to see what is preferred, whether to leave instructions for contacting me or if I should stay for a few minutes when I drop her off.
All along, my philosophy has been to allow DD to develop at her own pace. We bedshare and I wear her for naps because she's not ready to sleep in a crib. I guess if I'm making the commitment to those things (which are far more imposing) then it's only fair to her to follow through in other areas.
Most of all, I just don't think I could stand to see that depressed, hopeless look on her face again!