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October 2011 Moms
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First weekend away: FAIL

alison2379alison2379 member
in October 2011 Moms

I had plans to attend a bachelorette party in New York this weekend. It would have been my first full weekend off mom duty. Left my husband recovering from pneumonia yesterday, with 24 hours of babysitter help, with the assurance from him he'd be fine for the following 24 hours. I wasn't even in NYC 5 hours before it all went to hell and I have my ass on a plane back to Tennessee right now. Being a mom and wife has involved personal sacrifices I didn't fully understand before arriving at this place. I'm excited to see Claire as I missed her but know my husband could have made better choices this week to recover well (instead of working 12 hour days remotely on the couch) and I'm just depressed and bitter today.

 Tonight Ill be calling Wine One One as my friends party it up in the city. Sigh. 

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Re: First weekend away: FAIL

  • Liz4444Liz4444 member

    You are clearly nicer than I am, I would have told him to suck it up.

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  • HappyAardvarkHappyAardvark member
    I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short. That really blows.
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  • alison2379alison2379 member
    imagecrystalbaby:
    [:] That sucks. I'm confused, though. If there was a babysitter there 24 hrs/day, what could he need? Sorry you didn't get to party it up in NYC.


    Only for the 1st day. He was on duty for the second day.
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  • shediva1shediva1
    Sorry Allison, that sucks. Enjoy your wine tonight.
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  • peelester429peelester429 member
    Yuck. So sorry Alison. You'll definitely have to put this in the "he owes you" category. Cheers!
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  • anasazi17anasazi17
    Ugh. I'm sorry...you are much kinder than I. 
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  • ChunstadChunstad member
    imageWoodsie:

    imageanasazi17:
    Ugh. I'm sorry...you are much kinder than I. 

    Same here. I am curious as to what happened?

    MH would have had to be hospitalized or something similar for me to come home and rescue him from parenting duty.

    This, seriously.  I mean, how bad could it have been?

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  • jonnygurl76jonnygurl76 member
    DH would have got a "suck it up, buttercup". I mean really, if he can work from the couch for 12 hours a day he could parent his own child for 24 hours.
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  • joolz17joolz17 member
    Not to pile on, but I would like to know what was so urgent too. I would not have come home. 
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  • alison2379alison2379 member

    It isn't mysterious. He did not feel well enough to care for our daughter properly. My assessment is he was correct. Pneumonia is a ***. 

    So that is that. 

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  • mrs.lizziebmrs.lizzieb
    Aw man, sorry to hear you had to cut your weekend short just as it was getting started.  I would be pretty bitter as well.  As soon as your DH is well, he should give you an entire "me" day where you can get out of the house and get pampered.  You need some time away to rejuvenate and relax!
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  • KrisM86KrisM86 member
    I'm sorry you didn't get your weekend away! I think YH owes you at least a day off for relaxation and you time!
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  • StephKStephK member

    imagemrs.lizzieb:
    Aw man, sorry to hear you had to cut your weekend short just as it was getting started.  I would be pretty bitter as well.  As soon as your DH is well, he should give you an entire "me" day where you can get out of the house and get pampered.  You need some time away to rejuvenate and relax!

     I agree with this!!  I'm sorry, Alison.  That really sucks.  I would be really upset.

     I hope he gets better fast so he can start making it up to you. 

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  • adge629adge629 member

    I'm sorry you didn't get your weekend away. I completely understand having to be the parent who steps up. I had to take my daughter the other night at 4 am. from my ex cause he wouldn't deal with her. I was late to work, had to give her to my sick mom to watch her. That was the first night he tried to take her and the last night he took her. (but he wants to do shared parenting and have her every other weekend)

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  • BeesMomma00BeesMomma00 member

    :(

    So the next time he has a chance for a guy's weekend, you say "Oh, no...  You can't go away that weekend, I have 'blah, blah" to go to.  I'm sorry I forgot to put it on the calendar, but you'll have to stay home with Claire."

    :)

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  • pennysuedogpennysuedog

    Sorry he didn't recover in time.  Motherhood does call for many sacrifices.  As my kids have gotten older MH has stepped up a lot.  To be honest Violet actually prefers him over me.  This makes me sad, but MH is loving it. 

    There is always next time!

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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    If you knew he had/was recovering from pneumonia, why didn't you hire the babysitter to stay for the whole weekend?
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  • alison2379alison2379 member

    imageLiz4444:
    If you knew he had/was recovering from pneumonia, why didn't you hire the babysitter to stay for the whole weekend?

    Because she had a prior commitment. And I don't live near family.

    I don't really get the interrogation about this. It's not complex. A simple "That sucks" would have sufficed.  It does suck and we're all moms and getting away is important to us, and you're being antagonistic. Obviously I will get away another time. This was disappointing. End of story.

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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    imagealison2379:

    imageLiz4444:
    If you knew he had/was recovering from pneumonia, why didn't you hire the babysitter to stay for the whole weekend?

    Because she had a prior commitment. And I don't live near family.

    I don't really get the interrogation about this. It's not complex. A simple "That sucks" would have sufficed.  It does suck and we're all moms and getting away is important to us, and you're being antagonistic. Obviously I will get away another time. This was disappointing. End of story.


    How was this an interrogation? I thought it was a fair question and something I was wondering. I wasn't being nasty, I could be, here you go. Your husband had pneumonia, you clearly knew he was not Going to be up to caring for your child so you hired a sitter. I think you wanted to play martyr mommy to your friends so you didn't find someone who could stay the entire time you were gone, because you knew you would have to go running home and save the day, then everyone could say, "look how wonderful Allison is". Otherwise, you would have either not gone or found someone to stay the whole time, that is what a rational parent, with a very sick spouse, would do.
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  • alison2379alison2379 member
    imageLiz4444:
    imagealison2379:

    imageLiz4444:
    If you knew he had/was recovering from pneumonia, why didn't you hire the babysitter to stay for the whole weekend?

    Because she had a prior commitment. And I don't live near family.

    I don't really get the interrogation about this. It's not complex. A simple "That sucks" would have sufficed.  It does suck and we're all moms and getting away is important to us, and you're being antagonistic. Obviously I will get away another time. This was disappointing. End of story.

    How was this an interrogation? I thought it was a fair question and something I was wondering. I wasn't being nasty, I could be, here you go. Your husband had pneumonia, you clearly knew he was not Going to be up to caring for your child so you hired a sitter. I think you wanted to play martyr mommy to your friends so you didn't find someone who could stay the entire time you were gone, because you knew you would have to go running home and save the day, then everyone could say, "look how wonderful Allison is". Otherwise, you would have either not gone or found someone to stay the whole time, that is what a rational parent, with a very sick spouse, would do.

    Next time I want to play mommy martyr, I'll make sure to do it locally. I didn't fly cross country to be a hero. But thanks for the good effort at being nasty. At least you are consistent. Indifferent

    I'm not going to discuss this further, as you are clearly just looking for a fight and adding layers of complexity to a situation that is very simple, and yet personally upsetting.

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  • btsrc5btsrc5 member
    imageLiz4444:
    imagealison2379:

    imageLiz4444:
    If you knew he had/was recovering from pneumonia, why didn't you hire the babysitter to stay for the whole weekend?

    Because she had a prior commitment. And I don't live near family.

    I don't really get the interrogation about this. It's not complex. A simple "That sucks" would have sufficed.  It does suck and we're all moms and getting away is important to us, and you're being antagonistic. Obviously I will get away another time. This was disappointing. End of story.

    How was this an interrogation? I thought it was a fair question and something I was wondering. I wasn't being nasty, I could be, here you go. Your husband had pneumonia, you clearly knew he was not Going to be up to caring for your child so you hired a sitter. I think you wanted to play martyr mommy to your friends so you didn't find someone who could stay the entire time you were gone, because you knew you would have to go running home and save the day, then everyone could say, "look how wonderful Allison is". Otherwise, you would have either not gone or found someone to stay the whole time, that is what a rational parent, with a very sick spouse, would do.

    Liz, I think that was uncalled for and completely off base.  I think Alison did what she could to give her husband time to rest and hoped that he would be well enough to take of C while she was gone.  Clearly he wasnt, so she did the right thing and came home.  And she was sad about it, understandably. 

    Alison, I am so sorry your weekend was cut short.  I hope your husband is feeling better now. 

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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    I'm not looking for a fight. I asked a reasonable question that I'm guessing most of the people who read the thread were thinking. You got mad that I didn't respond with boohoo, but, since I'm consistent, I'm guessing you knew that would never have been my response.

    And, thank you for the compliment, one of the things that pisses me off most about people is inconsistency.
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  • Liz4444Liz4444 member
    imageMackalien13:
    Liz isn't being nasty. She would have told you the same thing if you were her friend. If I had come to her with the same thing, she would have responded to me the same way. That's what we love about her.

    Very true mack. Besides, if she had just answered the question, which was very level headed and not off base without calling me nasty, I would have just said, oh, ok.

    Oh well, moving on.
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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member

    imageMackalien13:
    Liz isn't being nasty. She would have told you the same thing if you were her friend. If I had come to her with the same thing, she would have responded to me the same way. That's what we love about her.

    I think telling someone they would fly across country to look like a mommy martyr to their friends is nasty regardless of your relationship with the person saying it.

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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    imageMackalien13:
    imagecantalopes24:

    imageMackalien13:
    Liz isn't being nasty. She would have told you the same thing if you were her friend. If I had come to her with the same thing, she would have responded to me the same way. That's what we love about her.

    I think telling someone they would fly across country to look like a mommy martyr to their friends is nasty regardless of your relationship with the person saying it.



    First of all, I don't think that is what she said. Secondly, other people were questioning it but Alison just took offensive to Liz.

    The exact words she used were martyr mommy.
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  • nicki731nicki731
    imagecrystalbaby:
    imagecantalopes24:

    imageMackalien13:
    Liz isn't being nasty. She would have told you the same thing if you were her friend. If I had come to her with the same thing, she would have responded to me the same way. That's what we love about her.

    I think telling someone they would fly across country to look like a mommy martyr to their friends is nasty regardless of your relationship with the person saying it.

    To clarify, she wasn't being nasty before that comment, but felt free to be nasty afterward. She was just being honest and I'm sure several people were wondering the same thing she asked. 

    But I can see why Allison reacted that way... Liz's question seemed to convey judgment. And I do think the judgment that followed was unnecessary...

     

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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    imageMackalien13:
    imagenicki731:
    imagecrystalbaby:
    imagecantalopes24:

    imageMackalien13:
    Liz isn't being nasty. She would have told you the same thing if you were her friend. If I had come to her with the same thing, she would have responded to me the same way. That's what we love about her.

    I think telling someone they would fly across country to look like a mommy martyr to their friends is nasty regardless of your relationship with the person saying it.



    To clarify, she wasn't being nasty before that comment, but felt free to be nasty afterward. She was just being honest and I'm sure several people were wondering the same thing she asked. 



    But I can see why Allison reacted that way... Liz's question seemed to convey judgment. And I do think the judgment that followed was unnecessary...


     



     Are we only allowed to judge people on Thursdays now?

    And alison can't defend herself? I guess I don't get why you say you want people to be b!tchy/snarky yet you seem to take offense that alison was. And obviously the implication of you defending Liz is that you thought alison was wrong.
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  • LCassLCass member

    imageMackalien13:
    Secondly, other people were questioning it but Alison just took offensive to Liz.

    I don't really want to get into whether it was nasty or not, called for or not, whatever.  But I got the feeling that Alison was saying she couldn't understand why most posters were asking questions and "interrogating" her when all that was really needed/hoped for was a "That really sucks."  It was a separate paragraph from her response to Liz, so I interpreted it as being directed to everyone.  I can see why Liz responded to it, but I don't think it was solely directed at Liz.

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  • pearblossompearblossom
    imagePappsMcgee:

    I'm going to say it.. this thread is all kinds of effed up. Alison only stated something that happened to her, and it has led to this BS? Not one place did she state she was a mommy martyr- or even remotely close. The judgement that began from there is totally uncalled for, and I'm actually sad to see it here on this board. I can understand if she made rude comments that offended someone, or called someone out on something, but I don't see it. Nothing.

    I love you ladies, but you wonder why people stop posting? C'mon really? Of course this board is free to judge anytime, but make sure it's over something worthy.

    Oh please. We've all been on TB long enough to know that you don't get to dictate other people's reactions to you and if you post something weird, people will call you on it.

    Alison's story is effing weird and we all know it. That being said, if I was having a pity party I'd be butthurt for being told I was silly too. 

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