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Name change. Maybe.

+just+j++just+j+ member
in Blended Families

I'm trying to decide if I want to go back to my maiden name.

DD would obviously keep H's name.

Has anyone done this?  And how hard was it for you to have a different last name from your child's?  Lawyer says I can't legally change it to hyphenating my name. I have to go back to my maiden name, or keep his. 

I also have to consider my job.  I'd then be explaining why I changed my name and I really just rather not do that.  When I got married, a couple people actually asked me if I changed my name because of divorce, or because I got married. 

I have thought about changing my legal name to my last name, but for work, I could just hyphen my last name, get people used to my maiden name, and then drop his when it makes sense, like a job change, or something like that.

Lawyer says I can call myself whatever I want, but legal docs all have to be signed with my real name.  

Any thoughts or input on what you have done and the pros and cons?

"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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Re: Name change. Maybe.

  • IlumineIlumine member

    You can legal change your name at any time, however it is not easy and each state has its own rules and such. 

    But basically, If I can change my name from Apple to Orange (not going through a divorce) I can change my name to Apple-Orange.

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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    I'm not certain, but I was pretty sure that you could change your name to whatever the heck you want. I recently saw a legal in the paper for some girl changing her name to Persephone Cleopatra or some such nonsense.
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  • cautionwillburneyescautionwillburneyes member

    If you want your name changed in the divorce you have to go back to your maiden name.  

    I didn't want to go back to my maiden name, since I wasn't close to that side of the family and my maiden name was difficult for people to pronounce.  I just had my last name legally changed to my mother's maiden name.  It just required the announcement in the newspaper for three consecutive weeks and a date in court.  

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  • WWMSWWMS
    I know in my state when changing your name as part of a divorce it can only go back to what it originally was prior to the marriage.

    But you can change your name anytime. You file the paperwork, post it in the paper and then go before a judge. My son's aunt changed her first name when she was 13.

    As a teacher it's not a big deal for parents and children to not have the same last name. I don't think anything of it.
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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    I've always had a different last name as Jake.

    It was totally normal in Quebec, because you always keep your maiden name. You don't change your name when you get married. (I never did end up getting married, but still the norm.)

    I don't live in Quebec anymore, but it's still not a big deal. I get the occasional Mrs. DSlastname and he gets the occasional DS mom's last name. But I don't get hung up on those things and just correct when it's warranted. 

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I realize I can change it later, but it's much easier to do it now then go thru another process down the road.

    And in a divorce, the judge will only allow it to go back to your maiden name. I have to file seperately for anything different.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Personally, I would keep it. But that's what my preference is - to have the same last name as my kids. In today's day and age, having different last names is no big deal. It's really about personal preference.
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    I kept my married name for most of the reasons you listed. But to be honest, I kind of wish I'd gone back to my maiden name. For me, it felt like an emotional tie to XH and I got to the point where I hated writing my name. But I am overanalytical and weird sometimes. 

    Even though I took DH's last name when he married, DS still has XH's name and so I get a lot of Mrs. XH's Lastname. I don't ever bother correcting anyone.  

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  • bdbelladonnabdbelladonna
    When XH and I divorced I didn't change it but I was already engaged so I knew I wouldnt be keeping that name for long. I hated having his last name though. I don't care that the kids still have it though. If I hadnt been engaged I would have gone back to my maiden name.
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    Is that a state issue? Our BM hyphenated her name during the divorce, filed in Michigan. Now she goes by her maiden name, but her legal name is still hyphenated, and the kids have DHs last name. As far as I know, SDs don't have any issues with it.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    It must be a state thing.  All I know is that if I want it hyphenated, it's a whole different animal and says if that's what I really want, I have to do it seperate from the divorce. 

    The more I think about it, and after hearing everyone else's stories I think I'm going to get my maiden name back.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • SigirSigir member
    I had not planned on changing my name back for the same reason you are thinking of... bc I anticipated that it would be tough having a different name than my dc. During the divorce though, exh became such an a hole that I decided I wanted that name out of my life... And that was the best decision I ever made. I was so happy to be 'me' again, and I never had any problems having a different name than dc. IMO of you are considering it, do it!
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  • michelleonthecoastmichelleonthecoast member

    When I got divorced, I kept my XH last name.  I never liked my maiden name anyway.  And my XH last name actually sounded really pretty.  Plus I knew there would be a possibility I would get married again down the road and I didn't want to go through the name change process more times than I needed.  To be honest when I got married to my current DH, I didn't want to change my name b/c I liked my XH last name so much!  At the time we weren't sure if we were having kids together anyway.  But I reluctantly changed my last name lol.  I know my situation is unusual though.

    I guess it depends on how much you like or dislike the XH and the name.  Having a different last name as your child really won't be a big deal at all.

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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member
    My mom never changed her last name when her and my dad divorced 28 years ago. She didn't so we would have the same last name and her maiden name is terrible. Now that I am married and have my married name it is kind of funny that she shares a last name with my dad. She kept it for herself and me so it didn't create an attachment to my dad. So my drawn out point is if you want to keep it because of yourself and DD go for it. If it is for others (school, work, society) then go back to your maiden name and cut the ties.
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