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Need to vent

Bella427Bella427 member
in Working Moms
So DH got laid off a little over a month ago.  He's been taking care of our 12 month old DD while he job searches.  I'm trying very hard to be empathetic since I know he's putting a lot of pressure on himself and it's hard to be productive while chasing a baby.  I work for a university in a career counseling office and come across a lot of job openings that I send to him when appropriate (he's an architect).  He just called because he's annoyed that I'm nagging him with these openings.  Ugh.  I'm trying not to nag but I have a baby to think about and obviously want the best for all of us.  Thanks for letting me vent.  Any tips for helping him get a job without making him feel bad?
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Re: Need to vent

  • katesmom73katesmom73
    Maybe its an ego thing?  Can you route the jobs through a friend?  :)  I know it sounds dumb but seriously maybe he feels less than a man when his wife is sending him job offers - maybe he's not like that and I apologize for generalizing but that was my first thought as to why he's annoyed.
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  • luvmagoldnluvmagoldn

    My DH was laid off a couple of yeras ago.  I work in HR so I was trolling some job boards and would send him postings.  Eventually I just stopped.  When I got home from work I would ask how his day was but not if he applied to any jobs, sent out any resumes etc.  Just general questions can sound like pressure to someone in that position.

    After a few weeks DH went back to waiting tables which he did NOT want to do at first.  But, he reconnected with some old friends in the fine dining biz, felt productive and was making decent money while he was looking for something in his field.  I think he was unemployed for a total of four months before he found his next IT gig.

    Is there any way to free him up to have more time pursue jobs?  Or is there any other type of work he can do in the mean time?  I have to say that DH going back to restaurants made me love my DH more than ever.  He put his feelings aside (the "I've moved on from this" kind of thing) and did what needed to be done).  I will never forget that he did that when we needed him to.

    image

    My twins are 5! My baby is 3!

    DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi

    DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame

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  • PeskyPesky member
    I think I would just ask him.  I would apologize for your emails that he thought were nagging, that you certainly had no intention of nagging him and merely thought instead you were being helpful by passing on job information.  And then ask him if (a) he wants you to pass on job opportunities that you think he might be suitable for or interested in and (b) if so, how to do so without coming across as nagging?  I'm betting he will respond well to that and you guys can have a good dialogue.


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • livinituplivinitup
    Ask him why he's being so touchy... and how he would prefer to get the job postings.  Just ask.  Then do it.  Exactly.
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
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  • murphyecmurphyec
    I would ask him what he is looking for.  Maybe what you are sending him isn't what he wants?  DH has never been laid off, but he has absolutely hated is job and wanted to get a new one.  I did the same thing, sent him a bunch of job openings and 99% of the time he never did anything with them.  But he would continue to b!tch to me about his job, so eventually I just flat out asked him what he wanted and why he wasn't willing to do anything about it.  I know that isn't the same as being laid off, but it helped him think about what he really wanted so then I could help him better.
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  • LMHCnewlywedLMHCnewlywed

    I can totally relate and understand your need to vent!! THis happened to us and caused many fights because I would send him links too and ask him how the job hunt went. It was very, very hard. I finallly just let him do it on his own since it was putting too much of a strainon our marriage. Of course I still had my own anxities since we too now have a child and house to think of. aYou may have to some friends you can just vent to so you don't feel too overwhelmed!

    I am so sorry you are going through this I know it sucks!

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  • Bella427Bella427 member
    Thanks ladies.  Last night I asked him how he'd like me to proceed and he said to keep sending openings but don't ask if he's applied, etc.  You're right, just talking about it in a non-defensive way helped. 
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