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Multiples
NMR Just need to vent
I just want to start out by saying I'm usually not one to whine to people about my problems but I'm just so frustrated that I need to vent to someone other than my family and friends who are biased ! I was with my twins dad for 9 months before I got pregnant with them... We've been friends for over 23 years ! He told me he didn't want the babies but I thought somehow when he saw them he would change his mind. They are 4 1/2 months old now and he still hasn't seen them. I ask for him to come to see them and he always has an excuse and tells me to stop by , well I won't do that since some crazy girl that he has been with since me has already threatened me and I just don't trust any of his friends or family right now ! I'm not worried about me... I worry about the babies ! As I said before, I have made numerous attempts to get him to come see them with no luck ! He told me he has something for them... a basketball hoop and baseball mitts ! HA I need pampers not that stuff ! I'm lucky since my parents and friends have really been there for me by helping me clean when I was pregnant and couldn't get around very well and with diapers etc... My dad tells me to just give up, don't talk to him and pretend that he's dead ... well, it's not that easy because I look at these two little boys everyday and know that their daddy doesn't care about them ! I texted him last night and told him that Zander had a 101.6 temp and no reply... I've pretty much had it ! I've also asked him for money that he borrowed from me last year and he said he's broke but he has stuff for them ! Yeah, a basketball hoop and baseball mitts ! ugh Even the worst of men love their kids.. I just don't understand it at all ! Just to let you know... I'm not promiscuous ... I didn't even date for 11 years after my son was born (he's 13 now ) ! I knew this would be hard and it's just beginning ! I just needed to vent ! Sorry for the rant !
Just wanted to add : I'd like to hear your opinion ! wwyd ?
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Re: NMR Just need to vent
I am sorry you are going through that. That is a tough situation. If you have given him ample opportunity to see the boys and he hasn't nor has he helped financially, I would see a lawyer and at least start the process of child support. I am of the honest belief he helped make those precious boys so he should help support them even if just financially. Understand though in most states he can waive his parental rights (terminations of parental rights) to get out of child support. However if he does this then you have a very clear answer where he stands as he will literally have no rights to the boys.
Also I feel you cannot force someone to be a parent. With that said I completely understand you wanting your boys to know their father, but if he honestly doesn't want to see them then it might be better he doesn't come around. I think it is worse to have a parent around but very flaky then to just have then gone. At least then the expectation is set instead of constant disappointment for your boys as they get older. I guess what I mean by this, he may promise or tell the boys he is coming to their birthday party for example and then not show up. This can ruin a child's day in less than a second even if everything else was fantastic.
I am very happy to hear you have a supportive family! If you honestly think once he sees them or holds then he will change his mind, then maybe you should setup a time to meet with him in the future at say a neutral place or a time at his place when the gf is not there.
Hang in there and keep raising those boys with the love and support you have. I would also visit the single parents board for support on this issue. Best of luck and just remember, those are your precious boys so do what you have to do to take care of them.
06/12 - BFP!!!!
Beta #1 15dpo - 256
Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
EDD 02/21/13
09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks.
This. 100%. I couldn't have written this better myself. Being a child of divorced parents and a dad who wanted little to do with me after he found himself a girlfriend/new family (although he contributed $$ b/c he's a lawyer and would lose his license if he broke the obligatory financial commitment). It's more hurtful to have a parent around that doesn't want you and whom you spend your whole life trying to get to pay attention to you (not always good attention-getting antics) then to know and accept that he simply took himself out of the picture.
I think your dad is right...no matter how difficult it is. Doing the right thing is never easy. Best of luck to you and your handsome little boys.
My ex was the same way with my first 2 children, as far as non payment of child support goes. It depends on the state but, you should be able to go to the child support enforcement agency if you cannot afford an attorney.
Don't give up or sell yourself short. There are many men out there who will love you and would love to be a daddy to those sweet boys.
Hugs,
Mel